To say if he can't get himself there then he can't rely on others for lifts?

[Februaryblooms]

Me and my DP are non drivers, we live in a busy city where it's easier to use public transport to get to work etc. I manage just fine without ever having asked anybody for a lift. He works down the road from where we are so rarely needs to use public transport himself.

He is in a team who play every weekend, the home ground (and other grounds where they play) are all a considerable distance away and he relies on team mates giving him a lift to get there and back (or part of the way back) every weekend.

They've started to begrudge this and I don't blame them, but then he moans and thinks they're being unreasonable and difficult.

He waits until the day before a game and puts a request in the group chat for a lift, then waits to see if anybody volunteers to take him on the morning of the game.

A lift is looking unlikely for the morning so he's in a huff, as a last resort I've said he can use my contactless bank card to get there but I'm doing so through gritted teeth because I've budgeted down to the last few quid (it'll cost about a fiver to get there and back - but that's coming out of an already tight food budget)

He doesn't have the money to buy his own travel card for another week as his wages are gone as soon as he gets them, he pays the rent and loan repayment, then I buy food gas/electric and we live off my small income which sees us through. We don't have much if any disposable at the end of it, but we have everything we need and don't go without necessities. Money is tight, regardless.

WIBU to tell him he can't rely on other people to give him a lift, and if he doesn't want to cycle for miles every weekend (after working long shifts) he'll just have to find a new hobby?

I was always thanked by team mates and offered money for my trouble

If one person always expected you to give them a lift, asked at the last minute, never said thank you or seemed grateful and never offered any petrol money or a beer, would you still happily do it?

Pan
That is entirely differrnt scenario from ops dp.

He expects a free lift every single week from people who dont live in the same area as him.
He doesnt offer anything.
He sulks if people are fed upsubsididing his sport at a place he chose knowing full well he couldn't get there under his own steam as be cant afford it.

Thats cf not what you described.

If one person always expected you to give them a lift, asked at the last minute, never said thank you or seemed grateful and never offered any petrol money or a beer, would you still happily do it?

As I mentioned above, the arrangements were to meet at our clubhouse first. The days before the the fixture we would as a team discuss via text/email/whatsapp group transport arrangements so everyone was aware what was going on. If someone chimed in last minute looking for a lift they were told to head to our home ground like everyone else. If on the rare occasion people did not offer thanks I am not so vindictive as to not offer them a lift next time round. Generally speaking peer group pressure and the 'team ethos' instilled by the club made sure pretty much everyone did not act like twats.

Myself and perhaps five other guys in my team did 90% of the ferrying of people to and from fixtures. I guess my comments on this thread are more aimed more at those losing their shit on here at the thought that people like me offering such a favour on a regular basis exist!

But the POINT is that this person IS acting like a twat!

I am lost as to why that key point is so hard to comprehend.

You are still missing the whole point Pan

He expects someone else to get him there to every game, home and away. No thanks no offer or reimbursement just expects everyone to jump for him.
He cannot afford to do this sport but still expects op and team to pay for him doing it.
He expects players to drop everything at short notice and rearrange thier time to pick him up.
He sulks of he doesnt get his own way and bad mouths his team mates behind thier backs.

Still nothing like your team scenario is it?

There are a few parallel conversations going on here I think!

I was prompted to respond to a few people on this thread who seemed utterly outraged at the notion that someone would be happy to offer a regular lift service citing all sorts of feeble excuses as to why they simply could not tolerate others in their car. It just seemed odd to me.

Well, for me - aside from the terrible singing - I tend to fart quite lustily when I drive, so it's probably better all round I do so alone!

Speaking as a driver, when getting asked for lifts, it's also the brain space that person takes up. It's no longer "I've got to get myself to the grounds at 10:30, so I need to leave home at 10:15."
When giving lifts it turns into "I've got to get myself AND Johnny to the ground at 10:30... I need to pick Johnny up from the High Street by 10:20 in that case... I'll need to tell him what time to be there... Is his number in my phone? Where do I need him to stand? Outside HSBC? Okay. What side of the road is that? What route do I need to take to get down the left side of the High Street? So, I'll need to leave mine at 9:50. I hope Johnny won't want to stay on for drinks after training...? I'm pretty tired. Oh and I promised the wife I'd collect that package from the sorting office. I'll have to tell Johnny I need to detour on the way home..." And so on and so on.
Taking on responsibility for someone else, who never seems grateful, is a lot of work!

Nailed it completely.

A lot of non-drivers (not all) expecting regular lifts like OP's DP are of a similar mindset to some people who aren't parents (or who work FT whilst the other is a SAHP) - and indeed most of us before we become parents (if we do). It takes, what, 5mins at most to change a nappy, 20mins at most to bath a baby, maybe 30mins to feed them, and babies are asleep for most of the day anyway - so what do they do all day? How do they manage to fill all of that free time?

I think there is a big difference between the following two scenarios. Pals giving each other a lift that's within a couple of miles. And someone that I vaguely know requesting weekly lifts that could add an hour onto my journey home. Massive difference!

Why cant he walk to a convenient pick up point and get dropped off there on the way back so that the driver doesn't need to go out of their way.

I have found non drivers can be this way. Entitled and completely fail to understand why it’s irritating to be used as a taxi service.

He either needs to learn to drive or find an alternative to get there and back each week. His friends won’t be friends for much longer if he keeps expecting them to constantly be his free taxi.

Why cant he walk to a convenient pick up point and get dropped off there on the way back so that the driver doesn't need to go out of their way.

I think when the OP says I'm not sure where the team mates live but I don't think any are in our immediate burrough. that nowhere would be convenient and the drivers will all be going out of their way.

@Februaryblooms did he get a lift this weekend?

Also, it can be pointed out If he doesn't have £5 for public transport, it is highly unlikely he can give £5 petrol money so the lift giver needs to be aware that he is not being mean, he has no money to spare.

It's a hobby that he chooses to do, not life-saving medicine that he urgently needs. He needs to factor it into his finances if he wants to keep doing it. Most people could make a few changes in their outgoings and sacrifices in other places to free up £5 a week if they really wanted to; if they genuinely can't, they have to accept that they can't afford a non-local, non-free hobby.

Even if he really cannot afford a fiver for transport, he could still be grateful and say thank you, instead of seeing it as his entitled right.

Why is there the expectation that, although he can't possibly free up a fiver a week for his own transport, all of the car drivers CAN afford to pay an EXTRA fiver or so for the fuel to go out of their way to pick him up and drop him off in a different borough - not to mention the extra time it takes them - for somebody who doesn't even show any gratitude or acknowledgement for their effort and for subbing him?

It's a bit like the recent bill-splitting thread where people who gorge on steak, lobster and cocktails actually got annoyed at the 'unreasonableness' of people on a limited budget who had soup, salad and tap water and didn't want to (or outright couldn't) subsidise their personal banquets.

Unless you are in a clear consensual financially-linked relationship with them, it is the height of arrogance for an adult to presume to earmark another adult's money for paying to subsidise their own choices.

Saving yourself money, out of necessity or choice, involves foregoing treats and luxuries, downshifting your choices or taking advantage of clearly advertised deals/bargains as offered by businesses. This is wise and a very good idea. On a personal level, it means pooling resources with another person so that you both make a saving or, at the very least, it doesn't cost them any extra (on the odd occasion).

Simply incurring your regular expenditure and then taking advantage of somebody else by handing them your bill and expecting/guilting them to pay it for you is NOT a legitimate way of making a saving.

I often think it would be a good idea for all cars to have an optional 'meter', like with a taxi - active by default unless turned off by the driver/owner - to plainly show the actual cost of each mile.

This might make people think twice before making unnecessary journeys and would have the added benefit of making it explicit to people to whom you give a lift of the total combined cost of the common part of your route as well as the added cost of the element purely for their benefit (well, the dropping off part, anyway, as they obviously wouldn't see it when you're on your way to pick them up - but you could easily just double toe drop-off element).

Decent people accepting lifts would appreciate this, as they wouldn't want be inadvertently paying you less than the actual cost of taking them; and CFs would not be able to ignore the evidence right there in front of their faces.

Too many people - drivers and lift-takers - fail to appreciate that you can't just put £70 of petrol in your car, but then consider that every mile is 'free' until the tank is empty.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Not sure if you are being serious

Pangalactic but again like Bertrand you're comparing APPRECIATIVE well mannered lift takers with an ENTITLED UNGRATEFUL SULKY one who doesn't even ask properly or with decent notice

It's comparing apples and oranges!

As I've said I've happily given lifts even if all I've received in return is a thank you. But if I wasn't even getting that and they were acting entitled/moans then no I'm not going to be a doormat to such a person.

Last time I was at uni I took some of the younger ones under my wing and gave lifts to supermarkets for weekly shops and sports participants to away matches - even though I wasn't even part of the team so you and bertrands and others assumptions that myself and others who won't be treated like mugs are completely against helping others are wrong.

But the people I helped out either I offered, or they asked politely and in plenty of time being clear they completely understood if I said no, they got themselves to a convenient place for me to get them (usually the uni guest car park where it was possible for me to run in and pick them up without holding up traffic and run out to continue the journey plus everyone knew how to get there and could get home from there), they always said thank you too.

Sometimes they'd cover petrol if it was a long trip but not always and that was fine as they were mostly skint students, sometimes they'd get me a token gift once a term or something for dd which was lovely.

Point is - they didn't take the piss!

If on the rare occasion people did not offer thanks I am not so vindictive as to not offer them a lift next time round

What if they're repeatedly unappreciative, rude and entitled?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Not sure if you are being serious

I'm not suggesting that it would happen, but it's no different in practice from the main purpose that we're told smart meters in the home are for. I would make it fully optional for the vehicle owner to decide if they wanted it as an extra - and fully optional every journey at the driver's discretion as to whether or not it would be switched on - but it wouldn't be without its uses.

After all, much of the energy use in the home is predictable and harder to economise on - you know the boiler is expensive, but you don't want to sit there shivering; you know the oven is expensive, but you need to have your family evening meal.

However, even without the variable of people seeking/being offered lifts, people still make a lot of short journeys in the car that they might decide they'll walk or cycle instead, if they get in the mindset that driving the kids to school takes 5mins and visibly costs £1.03 every day; walking them takes 20mins but is free. You might have a great early-bird voucher deal for a restaurant in your county, but you realise that you'll have to budget for an extra £7.28 on to the cost to actually get there and back.

As somebody who will never be in the market for a new car, if I ended up with one where the original owner had specified it as an option, I probably would use it - at least some of the time.

You could always just leave it defaulted on for every time you have other passengers and not necessarily mention it (and wave away any offers to pay from true give-and-take friends/family); but it could be very useful when dealing with a serial lift-requester/non-thanker/non-contributor (that's if you do offer or agree to the lift, of course).

There's an app for bill splitting which I think you can customise to (for example) who was drinking alcohol and who wasn't.

I'd be surprised if there wasn't a motoring equivalent (if not, I've had a great idea...!)

API connection to a database of running costs and fuel consumption (urban/motorway etc)etc for different makes and models; then you plug in how many passengers and the distance and hey presto!

Hi,

I haven't read past page 6 yet so apologies if I've missed any direct questions but to update you all, he ended up getting a lift.

He bumped into another player who had (luckily for him) stopped off at the high street to grab coffee.

Other player spotted him and shouted him over then offered to take him then, and the same guy kindly brought him back afterwards so he didn't need to use my bank card at all that day.

I have no doubt he would've expressed alot of gratitude, as difficulties aside he is very polite and wouldn't just shoot off without saying thank you very much etc. Though that doesn't really cut it if he's expecting a lift every week and he needs to factor in an amount to offer his team mates for petrol or set enough aside, when possible, for a travel card of his own.

I'm surprised the OP came back after seeing all that arguing...