To say if he can't get himself there then he can't rely on others for lifts?

[Februaryblooms]

Me and my DP are non drivers, we live in a busy city where it's easier to use public transport to get to work etc. I manage just fine without ever having asked anybody for a lift. He works down the road from where we are so rarely needs to use public transport himself.

He is in a team who play every weekend, the home ground (and other grounds where they play) are all a considerable distance away and he relies on team mates giving him a lift to get there and back (or part of the way back) every weekend.

They've started to begrudge this and I don't blame them, but then he moans and thinks they're being unreasonable and difficult.

He waits until the day before a game and puts a request in the group chat for a lift, then waits to see if anybody volunteers to take him on the morning of the game.

A lift is looking unlikely for the morning so he's in a huff, as a last resort I've said he can use my contactless bank card to get there but I'm doing so through gritted teeth because I've budgeted down to the last few quid (it'll cost about a fiver to get there and back - but that's coming out of an already tight food budget)

He doesn't have the money to buy his own travel card for another week as his wages are gone as soon as he gets them, he pays the rent and loan repayment, then I buy food gas/electric and we live off my small income which sees us through. We don't have much if any disposable at the end of it, but we have everything we need and don't go without necessities. Money is tight, regardless.

WIBU to tell him he can't rely on other people to give him a lift, and if he doesn't want to cycle for miles every weekend (after working long shifts) he'll just have to find a new hobby?

And the “I wouldn’t dream of imposing, it’s only a 5 mile walk and it’s only raining a bit”/“No no- I might take you five minutes out of your way, I’ll be fine on this night bus full of drunks and drug dealers”/“You’ve driven me 2 miles when you were going there anyway, I insist on giving you £5 “ brigade are much more annoying than the people who say “Can I have a lift?”

“So from what the op says I think it's clear the team mates don't want to...why shpuld they have to and if they dont, why does op have to pay?”

Absolutely the OP shouldn’t have to pay. But as his team mates know he can’t drive, I think it’s incredibly mean spirited not to give him a lift. Definitely not the OP’s responsibility though!

February tell your DP that he needs to pay his way and have his manners if he is getting lifts. If he is unwilling to do this, he needs to get on his bike and make his own way there. He needs to sort it out before the whole team get fed up of him.

@EthelFechen

hoppityfrog3, U OK hun?

yeah I'm OK hun! R U OK hun.

HUN

HUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

I don’t think giving people lifts causes any additional wear and tear to my car? What a very strange point of view!

I really cannot take you seriously @BertrandRussell .. Surely nobody can be that arrogant, and obtuse, with such severely bad comprehension skills. If you are, it makes me wonder how the fuck you cope in real life.

I have said TWICE, and now I will say it a THIRD time in the hope your little brain can digest it......... In the past, people have expected me to take them to a place that takes me 3-5 miles out of my way, and pick them up from a place that is several miles out of my way, (and they expected it often!) So I was not going the same way as them !!!

It's not that hard to figure out what I was saying FFS!

You are either choosing to ignore that because it doesn't suit your agenda. OR you are taking the piss. OR you have very bad issues with comprehension.

Assuming you are being serious (which is very unlikely,) why do you think you are entitled to free lifts from people? Are you a special princess? Do you think everyone should sing to your tune, and roll out a red carpet for you, and be your free taxi for life? LOL!

And even if I AM 'going the same way as you...' Sod there being 'no extra wear and tear on the car.' It costs me 2.5 grand a year to run my car, with insurance, petrol, tyres, MOT, and other general wear and tear.

Why the hell do you think I should be giving YOU a lift for free? Even if I AM going the same way? Seriously, who do you think you are?

I will never give a lift to anyone unless it's a dire emergency. I have suffered too many arrogant, entitled, cheeky cunts over the past couple of decades, who think I am a free taxi.

They can fucking walk, get a bus, cycle, or get a taxi.

I am not responding to any more of your posts bertrandrussell ... I really believe you're taking the piss. Anyone who thinks it's OK to expect others to give them free lifts is either a massive entitled princess, or they are ignorant and clueless, OR they are taking the piss......

“Anyone who thinks it's OK to expect others to give them free lifts is either a massive entitled princess, or they are ignorant and clueless, OR they are taking the piss..”

You must have missed that I am a lift giver, not a lift taker. I live very rurally, so I always have to take my car. So I usually have spare seats which I like to fill. So not an entitled princess. Just a person who likes life to be friendly, likes being kind if I can, and likes keeping as many cars as possible off the road. So. Anyone want a lift?

I live very rurally, so I always have to take my car. So I usually have spare seats which I like to fill. ah but you are taking people from the same place or on the same route? Doesn't sound like that's the case for the OPs partners team.

He meets them at a location decided by them. And is dropped off at a location decided by them. And presumably they are going to the same place.

Yes of course being asked to go miles out of your way or being kept waiting for ages is out of order but why can’t you play your own music?

Most people tend to feel awkward about it - they feel they have to make polite conversation, or that their choice of music shouldn't be foisted onto passengers, or maybe they just don't particularly want to share it. It's not a problem once or twice, it is a problem combined with all the other factors mentioned, when there's a regular expectation with absolutely no reciprocation.

And anyway, if it’s a team you won’t be doing it every week.

It doesn't sounds as if the entire team is in a position to offer lifts. Not all will have cars, some will already have car share arrangements, some won't live near. So it sounds as if it's the same two or three people getting landed with the job. If it's a pain, it's a pain whether you do it weekly, fortnightly or three-weekly.

And, yet again, you're ignoring points that are being made about people legitimately wanting their personal space when they're travelling, not wanting to faff around waiting for the other person to be ready to leave or to have the liftee anxious to go when they're not ready, not wanting to stop on the way to pick up - and, in particular, the fact that the liftee is shamelessly saving himself rather a lot of money by relying on the fact that others have been prepared to make the relevant investment. In this case he's adding insult to injury by feeling entitled to grumble if they won't all roll over and help him out.

Sure, if I have a space in my car and am going the same way as someone else, I'm happy to give them a lift. What I'm not happy about is that person turning that into a regular expectation without offering a penny for petrol money, and that doesn't make me or anyone else who feels that way either bizarre or someone who is treating it as one step below being asked to give a kidney.

Unless the liftee actually lives in your house then you will be going out of your way.

It can easily be an inconvenience. I tend to be on my own in my car most of the time. The passenger seat becomes a dumping ground for the random bits of crap I chuck out of my handbag. Giving a lift means I will have to clear the front seat. I may feel obliged to clear some of the other crap out so that people can use the back seat/boot.

This is fine if the person who gets the lift is appreciative but if they treat the lift as a right then I feel far less willing to offer.

My DB is a lifelong non-driver. He makes disparaging comments about car ownership but is more than happy to cadge a lift when it suits him.

hoppityfrog3

I suggest you back away from this thread before you actually combust.

Bloody hell. All this over a lift? Seriously?

Ahhh Bertrand, as a non car driver (but learning and test soon), I am certainly feeling the love. I don't expect lifts, it is always lovely if we meet up with friends, and they are fighting over each who will give me a lift. I always buy the friend that takes me a couple of drinks as that is what they wish.

He meets them at a location decided by them. And is dropped off at a location decided by them. And presumably they are going to the same place. and as I've said multiple times already just because they say "I'll get you on your local high street" doesnt mean that the high street isn't out of their way....

Bertrand.
I dont think anyone minds a one-off, a couple of times, ten times, whatever.
But are you really saying that every single week of every season you would be happy to drive, let's say 3 other adults (why not, you're going the same way), and all that entails (the extra cost, the extra time (you're always going to be first to set off, last home)) the extra organisation (its always going to be you navigating, working out the way and the timings), pick them all up from somewhere, drop them all somewhere, you sort it out just 24 hours before; they never say thank you or offer petrol money, or reciprocate in any way, shape or form, they simply expect it. How many years is this ok for? Ten years? Twenty?
If you really don't mind, that's really nice of you. Most people would begin to feel somewhat cross after x amount of times. For me, it would be the lack of appreciation of ops dh that I couldn't handle.

@lisamac28

Hoppityfrog3 I suggest you back away from this thread before you actually combust.

I suggest you don't tell me what to do luv.

@arethereanyleftatall

Bertrand.
I dont think anyone minds a one-off, a couple of times, ten times, whatever.
But are you really saying that every single week of every season you would be happy to drive, let's say 3 other adults (why not, you're going the same way), and all that entails (the extra cost, the extra time (you're always going to be first to set off, last home)) the extra organisation (its always going to be you navigating, working out the way and the timings), pick them all up from somewhere, drop them all somewhere, you sort it out just 24 hours before; they never say thank you or offer petrol money, or reciprocate in any way, shape or form, they simply expect it. How many years is this ok for? Ten years? Twenty?

Of COURSE bertrand doesn't think it's OK.

NO-ONE does.

She is obviously winding us up. No WAY does anyone think it's OK to continually have free lifts from people.

Unless they are a massively arrogant, ignorant, entitled princess who thinks the world revolves around them.

To be fair to Bertrand, frog, she has said she's happy to be the giver, not the taker.
If she is genuinely, I wish she played for my hockey team! The luxury of never having to think or do!

bertrand is the lift giver - not the taker.

Yeah sure she is!

As I said, she is winding us up.

No-one would EVER be OK with giving free lifts indefinitely.

I call BS.

Because you can’t entertain that you might be wrong or not everyone’s like you? If you live in the middle of nowhere, you get pretty used to giving people lifts.

I think you have made a rod for your own back OP. By giving him your card you are encouraging his self entitled behaviour. If I were you I would make sure I was out at some activity of my own on the days that this is likely to happen and it would be an activity that needed me to have my bank card. If his lack of organisation leads to him missing a few games he will get his act together soon enough.

I took my ds’s friend and quite often his mother to nearly every away match for about 5 years. So every second Saturday in the football season. She couldn’t drive and even if she could, she couldn't afford a car.

But did she say thank you?

Because I did this one of my dds friends too, well two years and it was pick up from school, tea, take to dance. Every Tuesday for 6 terms. She couldn't reciprocate as was working, no problem. Except, never a thank you, and after two years I asked if she wouldn't mind babysitting any night (she has a dh who could be home) so dh and I could go to the cinema. She ignored my text and call. I don't do anything for her any more.

@PengAly lFor those who said I'm "derailing", this is obviously a mental health issue. The OP said he has ASD, so why should we ignore that?

ASD is not a mental health condition, it is a neurological condition.