To be so upset....it's only a jumper!

[theresnoonequitelikegrandma]

First of all, I should say that my DH is a 'house husband' so he is responsible for all household tasks while I work full time - a mutual choice.

Today, after doing some laundry he told me there had been a bit of a problem but he had followed the washing instructions.....

For my birthday a couple of weeks ago my best friend gave me a beautiful jumper from Jigsaw....he put it in the washing machine and has shrunk it to 5 year old size! Obviously, I pointed out that the label does indeed have a 30 sign BUT it has 2 lines underneath that indicate a wool wash! Also, the label clearly states that it is 97% merino wool!

I googled the jumper and found it in the sale but by the time he had put his reading glasses on and ambled over to look at my laptop it was sold out. I am ridiculously upset and have gone out because I can't look at him. He has not said Sorry, just insisted that the washing instruction wasn't clear. He has offered to buy me any jumper I want to replace it.....but I want that one!

Thank you for letting me rant. Anyone got a grip for me? Or am I entitled to be cross and upset?

It can be saved. Hair conditioner in lukewarm water. Soak it and gently stretch.

I agree with PPs who say the wool/non wool wash is irrelevant. A wool wash will be much more gentle with the item (less agitation), but the agitation causes felting, it's the temperature that causes shrinking and he did wash it at the correct temperature. I'd be tempted to take it back (or put the onus on them to replace it...).

Sadly, the very best jumpers shrink. That's what they do. They are too beautiful for this world, so they leave it as soon as they see even a drop of Ariel.

Why didn't you buy the sale jumper as soon as you saw it? Why did you need him to see it?

I know it's gutting to lose your best jumper, but there must be more to your reaction than that. Are you actually not happy with your DH bring a house husband? You don't sound very respectful.

You’re being a brat. If DH went on like that, I wouldn’t be impressed. It was a mistake and only a jumper

I can sympathise with you - my DH is not a house husband or stuff like this would happen all the time here.
I make a habit of hiding stuff that I don't want to risk him putting in the washing machine.... just in case, but I shouldn't have to - agrown man should be know that garments are labelled and the label should be read before washing if you have not washed a particular garment before.

I can also relate to being upset at the failure of such damage to elicit an apology.
After years of using battered old hand-me down saucepans I bought a nice new set from Lakeland. I was away for work for a few days and when I got back DH casually said "oh, the lid doesn't fit that saucepan anymore".... and that was that. One of my brand new pans had obviously been dropped or bashed so hard that it had bent out of shape (not easily done, quite frankly) and he had a "suck it up" attitude that still pisses me off every time I can't get the lid on the pan in question. If he had apologised I would have said "well, I don't suppose you did it on purpose" and shrugged it off.
So I really get where you are coming from.

It was an accident. YANBU to be annoyed. YABU to be livid, and really angry with him. Another one will come up somewhere.

Why did you need him to look at it on the laptop?

You’re being ridiculous! If my dd treated like that after I’d washed his jumper and made a mistake, he’d be choking on the thing!

This is precisely why we have a "delicates" basket, wool jumpers, chiffon, nice dressy top etc all go in there and my DH knows not to touch them.... he himself has fallen foul of this and ruined so many clothes, to be fair it's because he puts everything in the dryer!

He finally accepted how it's not just a top when he put his cashmere jumper in the dryer..... would have fitted our then 1yr old

YANBU - I've had laundry incidents and the first thing I've said is "I'm really sorry, but xxxx" - some people (in my experience men, but not necessarily just men) just wont apologise. They'll make the gesture to replace, but by not apologising it's like they're not acknowledging it was their fault.

Hope you manage to find a (more expensive) jumper to replace it.

It's upsetting, but at least it's just a shop-bought jumper. I have a fb group of fellow crocheters/knitters and some of them have had hand-made jumpers shrunk by their DHs. Hours and hours of their own work ruined. There will be other jumpers, have a look on eBay to see if that exact one comes up, you never know. On the plus side, he will hopefully look at labels in the future.

This is why my husband is banned from washing anything of mine or my ds, as he has done similar on a few occasions. He can wash his own things if he really wants to but I will mostly do the washing. Maybe from now on don't let him near your clothes.

It’s only a jumper sure but it was a jumper you liked and wanted to enjoy wearing and another jumper isn’t the same when you want that jumper! That said, it’s done now so you have to get over it. Tell him he needs to apologize and be more careful with your stuff in future, then splurge on another jumper and move on.

My husband shrank the hand knitted cashmere cardigan I'd made for one of our sons. It had taken me ages to make and I had invested a lot in it emotionally (making it was a distraction before he was born because the previous baby had died at birth and I wasn't coping well with the subsequent pregnancy). I was gutted, but he didn't do it on purpose. Now I still occasionally tease him about it when he tells me all about how amazing he is at housework and laundry, but honestly it's all just stuff and not worth the stress of falling out over.

I'd be annoyed at the lack of apology more than the jumper tbh. It doesn't take much to say "really sorry about this, I shrunk your jumper". There's a certain kind of person who WILL NOT apologize for anything.

Oh bugger! I've just realised that whilst no one has ever shown me how to use a washing machine, read labels etc., this also can't possibly be my fault - I mean, who knew? So now I will be forever forced to ruin all my washing until someone provides a distance learning course direct to my utility room.

It’s ok OP DP made me cry other day as he ruined yet another item of my clothing, this one I was really fond of as was a gift from my DM. It’s one of f long line of things he’s destroyed! Everything gets chuck d in one wash then straight in the dryer on hot. I do try to stop him but he sometimes “helps” when I’m not looking.

I can’t see how he could do more than he’s done , he cannot go back in time and unwash it . You seriously need to get a grip it’s a jumper .

That would piss me off too.

The amount of times my dh has washed my bright white bras with darks or jeans. I don’t let him near our washing, he does his own, hence why his clothes can look grey. He’s been told.

Which jumper is it? Maybe we can track one down for you.

I’d probably be upset if dh ruined my present from my friend too. I don’t blame you.

Like pps, if you’re upset about his lack of apology, I totally understand. I have a habit of shrinking DH’s new jumpers the first time I wash them, but i’m always hugely apologetic, and accept it was my fault. There’s nothing I dislike more than a fuck up by someone who blames “the instructions” or some other shit. Just take responsibility!

You are being ott but I suspect it's the upset and that you will calm down later.

It was an accident and these things do happen, though it can be frustrating. Take him up on the offer of a new jumper, maybe see if you can find a store with the one you want in stock? Or on eBay?

I’m a SAHM so do most of the laundry. Once I shrank three of my husbands lovely wool jumpers one after another. Each time I couldn’t believe I had done it. He was annoyed, but understood that I am human and I make mistakes! If he had left the house in a mood after it, I can’t imagine how my anxiety levels would be. Thankfully he is much more understanding than you, cut your husband some slack.

Do you work on Saturdays? If not is your Dh still expected to do all the household chores on weekends or is it possible that you could chip in and wash your own jumpers? He said he checked the label and saw 30 degrees. I wouldn't know what 2 lines underneath the 30 means and I've been doing the washing midweek for years (Dh helps out at weekends when he's off work). Maybe you should save your laundry for the days you are off and do it then, just to ensure that this doesn't happen again.

John Lewis stock Jigsaw - try there. I would be gutted too - incidentally my then partner shrank a silk skirt of mine from a jigsaw - never offered to replace it - ten years on an still annoyed when I remember (was the perfect holiday maxi skirt and I couldn’t afford to buy it again) - so maybe a Jigsaw thing.

Firstly, yes phone their customer services and explain what happened - not blaming them obviously but say you're desperately hoping to replace it. I've done this before with Boden and Fabris Lane (sunglasses) and both times they did have it, even though it was "sold out".

Also, re DH I understand why you're upset. You've got to the age you have knowing that wool jumpers need special care and attention - but he hasn't and that kind of thing does make me cross. Though not everyone may know how to wash them, I think everyone should automatically think "be extra careful" and check properly when they see an obviously special merino jumper.

I would try not to give him a hard time – but he still wasn't careful enough. If he's relatively new to doing the laundry, could you just go through this stuff with him without him feeling condescended to?

He's shrunk your jumper and you've had to go out because you can't look at him? It's a jumper fgs.

I'm sure he won't be the first person who has misread or not understood a washing instruction. Perhaps you should have said something to him about not sticking it in with all the other washing, as it's your jumper.

And he's offered to buy you any other jumper you want? Don't really see what else he can do.

Massive over reaction on your part. Hate to think what would happen if he did something really bad, like burn the dinner.