Can anyone help regarding bullying policy at uni?

[helena65]

Is it normal procedure to called for a mediation meeting after accusations of bullying? I honestly have no idea so if if anyone has any advice I would be very grateful.
My daughter 18 has been bullied and harrased for months by 2 boys/grown men in her flat in uni student halls. She is in a flat with 3 boys and just her ..no girls. The third boy joins in with the online bullying but is friendly at times to DDS face.
The other two..post on FB that they have jizzed in the kettle and microwave for revenge on s flatmate.. they glare and laugh at her every day.. they put rubbish from the bins in her food cupboard. They put dirty dishes in her cupboard..they shouted at her constantly on snap chat to which she never replied..she has now blocked them..one boy told her he was going to make her life hell till she wanted to drop out of uni.
She hasn't spoked a word to either boy since Xmas..just kept her head down and hoped it would stop. It didn't..it's escalating.
For background..she has ibs and anxiety and her ibs has flared up with all this stress..she has missed some lectures and at one point had to come home for a week as she couldn't stop crying and going loo.
One boy is the ring leader he has decided that DD must take the bins on a certain day even though she doesn't use the kitchen and has her own bin for any rubbish. He ties up all the bin bags on HER day as he sees it and leaves them in the kitchen..not allowing either of the other boys to take them for days..till it stinks in there and someone snaps and takes them.
DD finnally went to the deanery team to make a complain ..she got it all out and they took a statement..the woman was wonderful and very sympathetic to her situation..saying she does not have tolive this way. They took statement from the other boys too and an investigation is under way.
DD has sentproof including photos..Snapchat messages..etc.
She made it clear to the deanery team she can't be in an interview with the boys..she needed it tobe alone. She has now received an email saying the accommodation team has decided a mediation meeting for all flatmates to discuss their issues is planned for next week!
DD is now beside herself that the she has to sit across the table from the boys who have been bullying her for months whilst they simply talk it out!!
Right now she can't sleep or leave her room..her ibs will definitely not allowing her to attend that meeting...nerves and stress are massive triggers for flare ups..she also doesn't want them to see her cry and she knows she would.

Can anyone help with how she should reply to this? Has it been a waste of time going to the deanery? Since the boys gave their statement the behavior has gotten worse.. putting rubbish from the bin in her cupboard happened after their meeting..so she knows they are not bothered ir worried by the investigation.

She has proof, they're panicking. Just tell her to stick to her guns, any more harassment will be further proof

Do you think the Uni are just dragging things out as the problem will solve itself as fair as they are concerned when the exam period finishes?

Student Union should provide a representative to accompany your daughter to the investigation.
Your daughter should take copies of all the evidence along with her in case it hasn't been passed between the different investigations.
Try and get your daughter's doctor to certify the effect on her IBS including if there has been any improvement whilst she is living alone.
As part of the invite to investigation the university should include links to their appeals and complaints procedure.
Once the university has concluded their internal process your daughter can take her complaint to the Office of the Independent Adjudicator who can and will award damages/compensation to be paid if the University have acted incorrectly.
It's also worth checking with any Disability Liaison team or similar as to whether, if en suite is needed due to disability, your daughter should NOT be paying the higher price. I have experience of a university where disabled students pay the basic accommodation prices even if they need the facilities of premium accommodation due to disability, otherwise it's considered discrimination under the Equalities Act 2010.
Please inbox me if you have any questions about any of this. I'm horrified on behalf of your daughter.

Thank you so much everyone for the advice. My daughter has written a 18 000 word statement.in her defense. Showing all the evidence she has. The boys statement has no evidence whatsoever. Just a lot of big words saying dd has slandered them but not actually explaining how.
Can anyone tell me if dd takes this further and sends her statement to higher ups or eventually the independent adjudicator..can she be expelled from the uni? Will it annoy them?

OP. I work in this area of HE. PM me if you’d like some advice.

Hold on. How does your daughter know what the other three lads’ statements say? Has she been provided with this as basis for the disciplinary action?

Hi ruby. She received a letter saying she was being summoned to a discipline meeting next week for a charge of regulation something or other indicating fraud etc. This is absolute nonsense. They included the statement from 2 boys.

My dds mental health is the worst is has ever been today. She has been having constant panic attacks and feels constantly on verge of tears. She just can't seem to unwind. Iam so angry that the university have done this to her.

Do you mean 18,000 words? That is long. A disciplinary meeting is a big deal to try to handle as well as exams.!when do they finish? Is she living with better people next year?

Will it annoy who? She needs to stand her ground on this, but equally, she needs to get out of there. It isnt going to get better. Best case they'll just stop talking to her completely which isnt great for living with either.

Yes 18 000 words.she was up till 4am last night. Stayed home from university today. Missed lectures. Is late with an essay. Can't sleep or eat. She feels let down by the university. She wishes she had just suffered in silence she keeps saying . At no point did anyone ever tell her that this could happen to her.

Queen Betty. I mean will it annoy the college deanery if she asks to speak to someone higher. The college dean doesnotseem to liked dd. She accuseddd of being over sensitive and it was her anxiety talking.

Can you/she afford a lawyer? Sounds like it is getting serious.

I have tried to find a lawyer today. Everonei spoke to says it's not something they deal with

Not to be harsh, but 18k words is literally a dissertation. I suspect a more succinct outline is going to be more helpful at this stage, along with evidence.

It wouldn’t be something a lawyer would deal with until she has been given an outcome of her hearing. At present there’s isn’t anything to dispute, so the legal advice you’ve gotten is probably correct at this point. There are firms that specialise in representing students who have complex appeals or complaints but frankly, it slows the process down, and I wouldn’t go down the legal route unless it’s totally necessary.

The original dean who dealt with the case in the first instance when your daughter raised a grievance shouldn’t be involved at this stage, due to their previous involvement. It’ll need to be passed onto another senior member.

An 18000 word statement is a hell of a lot. Has she submitted it with enough time for the hearing officer to consider it - were you given a deadline to do this?

I would assume the lads are disputing the evidence she presented and are claiming this was presented fraudulently, hence the disciplinary action.

And I agree with Queen. It’s incredibly difficult to desipher extremely long and rambling statements from students. The statement should deal in dates and facts. So “this happened on X date. See appendix 1 for further details. Y member of staff was informed. It had Z affect on me.”

Wee dicks. Hope you're daughter is ok.

Rooting for your daughter here.
Will she be able to defer her exams and get extensions bases on extenuating circumstances for any due work?

I did uni as a mature student and had to give in a few late essays etc. I had medical reasons including mental health and the staff were very understanding.

I really want to know which university this is, just to know it wasn't mine. But either of us saying a name would out us potentially.

I hope they throw the boys out. It's disgusting what they've been doing and I'm so sorry.

If they are accusing her of fraud then it is becoming something a lawyer should possibly be involved with. Though, I don't know enough about the UK university system to really comment.

In any case though she should have someone at her side in the meeting. It is easy to get intimidated in those situations so an advocate can be helpful, you wouldn't believe the power held by someone who is just quietly taking notes in that kind of situation.

Unless she is a truly gifted writer an 18k word dissertation is not going to help her. She needs to calmly state what has happened and what she wants the outcome to be.

They can then make a decision, if she does not agree with that decision then she should take the next step in the process.

She really is going to have to decide whether this is a hill she is willing to die on though, it isn't worth this much of her time or energy.

If she needs an ensuite due to medical issues then she needs to state that (and provide medical support for the issues).

Can anyone suggest who my dd should take into the meeting with her? Someone to take notes sounds good.

I hope the case goes well but I honestly don't know why you didn't just help her move months ago. This would have passed and she would have hopefully moved on and be sitting her exams by now. There is such a thing as standing your ground til you make yourself ill.....

18,000 words is really unlikely to help. Are you going to help her edit it down (a lot)?

This is appalling abuse...please keep telling your daughter to keep on keeping on. .she is on the right side....

Absolutely no mediation. ...this is assuming it's some minor infringement of the rules. ...not a campaign of sustained abuse.

Please get your daughter /you to write a 2 page summary in the front.

Alpha appeals -Dr Daniel sokol who is an academic ans a barrister are excellent. They give you a total price.

If she is meeting any of the university staff she should ask for a SU advisor to accompany. ..

The alternative is taking someone from the disability office.

It's more important that she takes someone good and experienced rather than the particular background.

I'd go with SU ...as they are outside the uni staff.