Can anyone help regarding bullying policy at uni?

[helena65]

Is it normal procedure to called for a mediation meeting after accusations of bullying? I honestly have no idea so if if anyone has any advice I would be very grateful.
My daughter 18 has been bullied and harrased for months by 2 boys/grown men in her flat in uni student halls. She is in a flat with 3 boys and just her ..no girls. The third boy joins in with the online bullying but is friendly at times to DDS face.
The other two..post on FB that they have jizzed in the kettle and microwave for revenge on s flatmate.. they glare and laugh at her every day.. they put rubbish from the bins in her food cupboard. They put dirty dishes in her cupboard..they shouted at her constantly on snap chat to which she never replied..she has now blocked them..one boy told her he was going to make her life hell till she wanted to drop out of uni.
She hasn't spoked a word to either boy since Xmas..just kept her head down and hoped it would stop. It didn't..it's escalating.
For background..she has ibs and anxiety and her ibs has flared up with all this stress..she has missed some lectures and at one point had to come home for a week as she couldn't stop crying and going loo.
One boy is the ring leader he has decided that DD must take the bins on a certain day even though she doesn't use the kitchen and has her own bin for any rubbish. He ties up all the bin bags on HER day as he sees it and leaves them in the kitchen..not allowing either of the other boys to take them for days..till it stinks in there and someone snaps and takes them.
DD finnally went to the deanery team to make a complain ..she got it all out and they took a statement..the woman was wonderful and very sympathetic to her situation..saying she does not have tolive this way. They took statement from the other boys too and an investigation is under way.
DD has sentproof including photos..Snapchat messages..etc.
She made it clear to the deanery team she can't be in an interview with the boys..she needed it tobe alone. She has now received an email saying the accommodation team has decided a mediation meeting for all flatmates to discuss their issues is planned for next week!
DD is now beside herself that the she has to sit across the table from the boys who have been bullying her for months whilst they simply talk it out!!
Right now she can't sleep or leave her room..her ibs will definitely not allowing her to attend that meeting...nerves and stress are massive triggers for flare ups..she also doesn't want them to see her cry and she knows she would.

Can anyone help with how she should reply to this? Has it been a waste of time going to the deanery? Since the boys gave their statement the behavior has gotten worse.. putting rubbish from the bin in her cupboard happened after their meeting..so she knows they are not bothered ir worried by the investigation.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Ps I'd also get GP to write a supporting letter.

I would want to include something like...

....At the very least these bullies should be dealt with in a muscular way...Either by suspension or being sent down ( or given an absolute final warning ).
They have shown that they treat the university and it's processes with contempt give an example. ..etc etc

[oldclairdelaloon]

She needs to get her student union on side for this. Mediation is usual but she needs someone who knows what's what and will stand up to the uni and for her. Ask if there's a student union advice centre and someone trained will accompany her. This is a serious case of bullying and they shouldn't be allowed to gloss over it.

[Lou780]

Thank you that's really helpful
The 18 000 words does include 2 large statements from the boys though..she has broken in down and then added her evidence as to how they are lying at each point. And added all the pictures..screen shots of the abuse towards her.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

I would do some sort of index...

Btw If she has IBs that interrupts her life it's a disability and different rules apply...in your daughters favour.

Page 3 statement from X
Page 4 my response indicating their mendacity.
Page 6...etc

I would also include
Desired outcome...I want to stay in my ensuite student flat because of my disability. Because of their abuse I want them to be immediately removed from this accommodation. ...

This is completely inappropriate for mediation. These people have been perpetrating hate crime (disability )...etc etx

[Marmablade]

As others have said it's worth her editing it down to refer to evidence rather than include it in the document.

[RubyWho]

Echoing everyone’s statements re medical evidence.

If she takes an advocate in your DD May find their presence helpful. However they’d be there in support only and not to represent your DD through communicating with the hearing officer at all.

Re fraud- if they are truely accusing her of fraud, rather than misrepresentation, then this is a criminal offence they’ve accused her of and any action from the university should be stayed until the outcome of the CPS investigation. Therefore, I think it’s most likely an offence relating to misrepresentation or approrpriation of statements / evidence. So legal representation from your side is likely wholly unnecessary at this stage. There are specialist firms who deal with these matters, too. This is usually seen as gross misconduct but again - I don’t know which university this is and therefore I can’t comment on the interpretation of the regulations.

It sounds extremely stressful and I feel for you both. I have DMd you, OP, if you’d like any further in depth advice.

[Lou780]

Someone please help. Iam in tears right now. The student union won't help or advise because they are helping the boys instead.

[redhotchill]

Does she have proof of them putting rubbish in her cupboards and the fbook statuses of them saying they have wanked into the communal kettle? Along with the screenshots of snapchat and quotes of things they have said to her she just needs to present that.

18000 words isn't needed. They are vile.

[redhotchill]

Have her other friends witnessed it? Will they be willing to write witness statements?

[oldclairdelaloon]

If her SU won't help due to conflict of interest try contacting the NUS. Their may be someone from another SU who could support her. Particularly if she's in a multi-uni town.

[Scanon]

Can she contact the women's officer at SU? Can one of her academic staff help?

[RaptorWhiskers]

She needs to be rehoused. It’s all very well not wanting to give in to the bullies, but she’s putting herself at risk. How long until it progresses to physical violence or even rape? You can’t always stick by your morals - you need to put your personal safety first. Would you really face up to an attacker because of “principles”? Because you “should” be able to walk safely down a dark street? Nope, you’d get the hell out of there!

[CarrotVan]

Here is an example of a complaints process at a University

If you google the name of the University + complaints procedure then you can find the one for hers. She needs to follow it. The name of any procedure under which she (or the men she has complained about) are being investigated will be included in any formal correspondance from the University. She needs to adhere to any deadlines within the procedure and should seek advice from the Union/Guild.

As someone who investigates complaints and reviews investigations where students disagree with the outcome 18000 statements are not helpful. A succinct timeline with evidence of their behaviour and the impact on her would be enough.

[RubyWho]

@CarrotVan - we must work in the same area of HE waves

OP - WHO has she asked at the SU? A particular officer can't assist both sides but as a PP suggested, she could contact the Women's Officer, or Student Life Officer, sometimes there are Disability / Wellbeing Officers. The SU should signpost to alternate forms of advice and guidance if they are unable to do so.

If they really, truly, won't help - NUS are the way to go. Her course should also have Student/Course Representatives who may be able to assist.

Is DD on the same programme as the boys? If not, I would suggest she tells her Course Leader/Programme Leader/Head of Programme/Personal Tutor what is going on. Not necessarily for concession (that comes later) but for support, notification and guidance.

[NauseousMum]

Appalling, what shit bags.

Your dd needs a bullet point factual account. They won't read 18k words. And a timeline highlighting the abuse was daily but key events.

[CarrotVan]

I read every word in a case file! Even when the file comes in multiple box files...

I once found the evidence to overturn a programme decision to exclude a student on the last line of the last page in a 200 page file

[PopWentTheWeasel]

Because she has a chronic health condition, at my university this would be treated as gender / disability abuse. Tell her to go to disability services on campus and tell them what's happened in terms of the male students trying to get her to leave accommodation she needs to have for her health condition. She should also contact Main Security and ask to make a formal complaint about them, taking along screenshots from social media and a bullet point log of what has occured, and dates where she can remember them.

The university should be making them leave this accommodation because of their behaviour.

[Lou780]

Does anyone know if boys had been guilty of any of the charges and are currently appealing would they be allowed to bring these allegations of fraud to dd? Or does it definitely mean they must have been found not guilty

[CarrotVan]

Your daughter should have received a completion of procedures letter if she’s made a formal complaint and the complaint process has finished. She really needs to clarify where she is in the process and get some local advice from the student union. The complaints handler will also advise on process.

[Pgqio]

Sounds so horrible for you both, I still don't understand why she's insisting on staying though. No amount of principles are worth that kind of torment.

[CarrotVan]

Whether they can make a complaint against her depends on the local procedure.

They will likely get the chance to make a written response to her complaint in any case.

And in some procedures the complainant and/or the respondent can appeal the decision and either can go to the OIAHE

[NorthEndGal]

Definitely help her edit it down of you can, so she has a short list of dates/incidences/results/proofs

[Originallymeonly]

Same here @carrotvan, in fact I was revisiting my favourite 150+ page dossier with 47 separate pieces of evidence today because the person who submitted it has made a SAR and their own docs form part of their file.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Please where in the country is your daughter?

Don't give actual town/city bit tje hive mind of MN may be able to help you.

[RubyWho]

The charges of fraud (willing to bet its misrepresentation) could have been brought against your daughter as a secondary, and separate, disclosure or complaint from the lads OR they could have raised it during their own investigation through their own statements and the university of decided to investigate.

Again - has your daughter been given a completion of proceedings (CoP) from the university in relation to her own complaint? Where is she in this process?