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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH is a knob

184 replies

PooleySpooley · 21/02/2019 18:39

DH lives away during the week and comes home every weekend. EOW he brings his DDs who are 12 and 14. He is about 2.5 hours away.

A few weeks ago I had a week off and the day he was coming home I went out for lunch/drinks with a friend. Knowing I wouldn’t be around to have a meal ready for DH and DSDs arrival I put a meal in the slow cooker before I left.

Today he is coming home a day early with his DDs as it is half term.

Unfortunately I came down with a flu bug last night (I wouldn’t say actual flu but felling like total shit, aching, shivering, horrid sore throat, no energy) and have been off work today and spent the day in bed.

I texted DH and said you are going to need to sort out a meal. There is him, his DDs, me and my 16 yr old son.

He phones on the way home and says can you order a takeaway 15 minutes before we all get home?

I have no cash (if it gets here early) and just feel really pissed off that he I am unwell yet still need to be involved in everyone’s dinner. Why can’t he just buy some food on his way home and cook it for us all? Even if it’s bloody microwave meals.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RainbowWaffles · 22/02/2019 03:47

In these circumstances I'd have thought the obvious person to sort out the meal would have been the OP's 16 year old son, or have I missed that he is ill too?

I disagree. The obvious person is DP’s 14 year old daughter who is in the car with him and with whom he can liaise with directly without any need to use OP as a go between,

Thegoodthere · 22/02/2019 03:54

But not one who has a partner

Aw, single life, eh @mooncup?

cordeliavorkosigan · 22/02/2019 03:59

From now on , he does half the meal organising for everyone in the household, like you've been doing.

cricketballs3 · 22/02/2019 04:12

Going completely against the grain here but He phones on the way home and says can you order a takeaway 15 minutes before we all get home?

To my mind given he's driven 2.5 hrs it makes far more sense to have a takeaway ordered (that can be picked up on the way home by someone who isn't driving) or a takeaway waiting for when they got home rather than messing about cooking/ordering so will be eating very late

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/02/2019 04:54

Some of the posts on here truly epitomise this saying:
"Women, know your place! It is In The Wrong!"

Poor Op can't do anything right, and god forbid she entertain the hope that her H might have been a bit understanding and sympathetic - nope, he's just a selfish wankbadger who has been emasculated by the OP's overbearing selflessness and couldn't possibly demonstrate an adult reaction to her now being unwell. Hmm

OP - he's a twat, yes you're right, and I do hope that you feel better soon Thanks

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/02/2019 04:55

Cricketballs, did it escape your notice that the H had 2 teen girls in his car who are no doubt completely au fait with using a mobile and could JUST as easily have called for a takeaway?

Fifthtimelucky · 22/02/2019 06:49

If I had been the OP's husband, and had been working away all week and driven for 2.5 hours, to get home, I suspect I'd have been a bit upset to be expected to sort out the meal.

If I'd been one of the girls in the car, I might have felt a bit surprised, and not very welcome, to find it was my job to sort out the meal at a house I visit only once a fortnight.

It's the OP's son's permanent home. He is 16 not 6. Unless he is ill, or has some disability that we're unaware of, the easiest thing would have been for him to make or defrost a meal. Presumably he is on half term and would have all day to plan it and sort something out.

Thegoodthere · 22/02/2019 06:59

OP. IS. SICK. YOU. FUCKING. LOONIES.

TheSerenDipitY · 22/02/2019 07:02

jesus christ!
i dont know why you are giving her a hard time, unless that is how your husband has trained you to be

if i called my husband and said i was too sick to do dinner he would automatically say dont worry hun ill pick something up on the way and ask me if i would like anything picked up or if we needed anything else..
because he isnt a cunt... because he knows when he is sick i care for him, without being asked he does the same for me and our children... because he isnt a cunt...
as soon as you said you were sick he should have suggested he get dinner and organised it
he is a cunt

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 22/02/2019 07:15

A nice caring loving partner would have texted back 'sorry to hear you're poorly, I'll pick something up on the way home. You rest' unprompted at the first text.

What a selfish twat.

cees · 22/02/2019 07:27

He is a sad excuse for a man when he can't organise food for his family. You did tell him to sort it out earlier on in the day, he ignored you. I hope you feel better soon and give him a suitable bollocking when you feel up to it. A partnership is meant to work both ways, tell him to pull his weight.

FinallyHere · 22/02/2019 07:30

came into the bedroom and yelled at me.

And that is just not OK, you know that @PooleySpooley , don't you?

Its not just about one meal, you are mot loved and valued by this man. I'm sorry.

CripsSandwiches · 22/02/2019 07:38

God some people can't wait to tell op she's wrong no matter what. Of course he should sort his own bloody dinner when you're ill. If ordering a take away is too much trouble (despite the fact he has two teenagers in the car with him) he can pick some up on the way home from a shop and cook it like a normal functioning adult.

ionlylovemybedandmymama · 22/02/2019 07:58

Funnily enough even after long car trips I am able to use my phone, the internet and feed myself. In fact I have flown overseas and organised food WHILE JET LAGGED.

But I don't have a penis, so it's easier for me. It must be awful to have a penis and not be able to cook or use the phone because of it. It's an invisible disability really, not enough people recognise how many men suffer in silence.

DoctorDread · 22/02/2019 08:14

Utter batshittery on here! If my oh send me to order something and I said 'sorry, feeling poorly, can you grab yourselves something in the way home?' He'd say sure thing. Do you need anything while I'm at it?'

This 'you should soldier on in the face of all adversity and do your duty to your man' is sexist bollocks.

OffToBedhampton · 22/02/2019 08:19

I'm really shocked he shouted at you when you were ill for not arranging his & his daughters' dinners. After all you do for him.

Time for a strike. I hope you stay in bed and get looked after today & this weekend.

Cathmidston · 22/02/2019 08:35

Please DON’T prepare him any meals to take with him for next week!

JammyGem · 22/02/2019 08:48

He's a dick. It's not like you sprung it on him last minute, he had all day to figure out what he was going to do for dinner and yet still tried to pass the responsibility back to you, when you're ill.
YANBU in the slightest.

timeisnotaline · 22/02/2019 10:18

OP. IS. SICK. YOU. FUCKING. LOONIES.
This with bells on. They are teenagers not sensitive 3yo. For one, The op sends them meals to eat during the week and has taught them to cook. For two, teenagers get excited about ordering takeaway! Although maybe less so when their dad is like you lesser beings get a pizza let me think about what I’d like.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 22/02/2019 10:32

Just to clarify.

My OH doesn’t live with his kids in the week, they are all in the same town. I am not feeding his children during the week.

We have a shared food budget and his accommodation only allows him to have a microwave so if I make a lasagne for instance I make a slightly bigger one than needed and freeze the extra so I am not spoon feeding him.

OP posts:
nomorekale · 22/02/2019 10:35

I’ve skim read this thread and I think it’s all a bit of a storm in a teacup tbh.

The DH was driving 2 hours home. He didn’t ask for her to prepare a three-course dinner fgs. He asked her to order a takeaway, Confused

She said no, this was too much as she was ill. Then she took to MN to call him a “knob”. He got a pizza for everyone.

Am I missing something here?

nomorekale · 22/02/2019 10:47

OP, I had a scenario on Sunday. I have 4 DC who are all 8 and above now, not that it was that different when they were younger. DH does a particular sport on Sunday mornings and said he “needed” me to make brunch for him and 4 others for 11.30. He dropped this on me last minute and I felt like I couldn’t say no because the other wives have done it for him. So this took up practically the whole day because I needed to go to the shops, do all this food and they sat in the conservatory until after 2pm wanting coffee etc. There was loads of mud in the house and DH didn’t help me at all with anything. We had similar with the rugby the other week. Anyway, I’ve said I’m not doing it any more and they can go to a pub or something. I wasn’t ill, but I did feel resentful. If I’m out and about in the week, taking DC to clubs etc, I just have the Deliveroo app and order Wagamama or something and I just tell him I don’t have time. If I was ill, I would probably do the same. The app takes 1 min max and you can get anything you fancy.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 22/02/2019 10:52

We don’t have Deliveroo or Wagamama near us.

It’s not that anyway it’s the principle of it. I was ill and did not want to decide and organise what a load of other people were going to eat.

2.5 hr journey is not a long journey for DH.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/02/2019 10:55

Am I missing something here?

The hanging up, the shouting at her, the sulk and the pizza being thrown on the bed?

FinallyHere · 22/02/2019 11:00

Am I missing something here?

The hanging up, the shouting at her, the sulk and the pizza being thrown on the bed?

Indeed, all of the above contrasting with her usual way of working to provide frozen meals for him to eat while travelling weekdays.

Is he different when his team age daughters are around, so that he is perhaps showing off a bit, or is he just always horrible

Informed minds would like to know.