Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH is a knob

184 replies

PooleySpooley · 21/02/2019 18:39

DH lives away during the week and comes home every weekend. EOW he brings his DDs who are 12 and 14. He is about 2.5 hours away.

A few weeks ago I had a week off and the day he was coming home I went out for lunch/drinks with a friend. Knowing I wouldn’t be around to have a meal ready for DH and DSDs arrival I put a meal in the slow cooker before I left.

Today he is coming home a day early with his DDs as it is half term.

Unfortunately I came down with a flu bug last night (I wouldn’t say actual flu but felling like total shit, aching, shivering, horrid sore throat, no energy) and have been off work today and spent the day in bed.

I texted DH and said you are going to need to sort out a meal. There is him, his DDs, me and my 16 yr old son.

He phones on the way home and says can you order a takeaway 15 minutes before we all get home?

I have no cash (if it gets here early) and just feel really pissed off that he I am unwell yet still need to be involved in everyone’s dinner. Why can’t he just buy some food on his way home and cook it for us all? Even if it’s bloody microwave meals.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FuerzaAreaUruguay · 21/02/2019 20:06

I got it, OP, why not tell him to call one of the handmaids on here to sort his ickle dinner out.

FUCK making him freezer meals during the week now.

ohfourfoxache · 21/02/2019 20:06

He yelled at you?

I’d be seriously considering whether or not I wanted to stay with a “man” like this

IDoN0tCare · 21/02/2019 20:07

A marriage is a partnership and working as a team
And that involves showing some consideration towards a sick wife, FFS!

And not so ill that she can't post on Mumsnet either

Away tah fuck! My dying husband was on Facebook before he died.

mooncuplanding · 21/02/2019 20:08

You would leave your husband because he was a bit sniffy about getting food one night?

And I'm the one being dramatic

Gotta love MN

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 21/02/2019 20:10

And probably hung up because he asked what is usually a reasonable question and got a sulky reply

I have a really sore throat and a croaky voice. This is not the reason I didn’t want to organise it. I am never “sulky” I asked him this morning if he was coming home a day early to organise dinner because I am unwell. He phoned me at 17:00 asking me to organise a takeaway when he had the whole day at work (as I normally do) to plan a meal.

OP posts:
mooncuplanding · 21/02/2019 20:11

FUCK making him freezer meals during the week now

That's exactly what I mean by this being a standard and normal request within this marriage and then all of a sudden it is the Worst Thing Ever to ask her to do dinner

If OP resents doing these dinners, in any way, she shouldn't do them. Otherwise, she will lose her shit about a trivial takeaway situation one evening.....oh wait

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 21/02/2019 20:11

Looks like your dickhead h has hacked your FB account, OP.

Sunflower1989 · 21/02/2019 20:12

@NoSquirrels wankbadger! 🤣🤣🤣 amazing word choice!!

pinkgloves · 21/02/2019 20:14

Good fucking Lord. Mumsnet posters are setting the bar REALLY low the last couple of days!

Under his eye.

Belenus · 21/02/2019 20:16

The way a person treats you when you're unable to do anything for them is very telling of how much respect and love they have for you.

This. Shouting at someone when they're vulnerable and ill is disrespectful, nasty and bullying.

Sorry OP but it comes as no surprise to me that your partner is no longer with the mother of his children. His attitude stinks.

dontticklethetoad · 21/02/2019 20:17

What batshittery is going on on MN today???

It's reverse mysogyny a-go-go all over the place.

YABU OP. I get the 'just not today' thing. I get on with 'it' most of the time, but sometimes, I just can't.

mooncuplanding · 21/02/2019 20:18

All this bar being low and 1950s stuff is total bollocks

OP has set the scene in her marriage by doing all the cooking, even when he's away. THAT is 1950's. She has set the tone. She has done that, not him. Now she has suddenly decided she doesn't like it and therefore he is the knob. He is only going by the behaviours she has previously demonstrated and seemingly agreed to.

I would suggest the OP sets some boundaries because she clearly hasn't got any and this sulking behaviour is a clear indication of it.

gamerchick · 21/02/2019 20:18

Gotta love MN

So do I because I get to read bizarre posts like the ones you're making mooncuplanding. Grin

You know exactly what a person is like the way they treat their partner when they are ill. It sounds like he lives a pampered life and has got a bit used to it.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

dontticklethetoad · 21/02/2019 20:18

Whoops, I meant YANBU! Blush

Springwalk · 21/02/2019 20:18

He yelled at you??
Does he always do that when you are say no??

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 21/02/2019 20:20

When's half-term over in England?

Loopytiles · 21/02/2019 20:21

He should have organised the food or asked one of the teens to call the take away. OP was not BU.

OP is, however, U for prepping him evening meals to take away each week.

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2019 20:21

mooncup you are surely on the wind-up with that last comment!

She makes dinner all the time. On the one occasion she asked him to sort a meal, he left it to her. Again.

If I always do the laundry, but one day I ask my DH to put a wash on because me or a child needs something specific the next day, and he fails to do it and asks me to sort it at the last minute, I would be pissed off, like the OP. Not because I am burning with resentment about the laundry in general. Because he behaved like an entitled lazy twat on that one occasion.

It's the lack of care, the lack of regard for HER that he has shown.

But you seem to think she's the one in the wrong.

Absolute batshittery.

Fraying · 21/02/2019 20:22

I don't think they're MN posters. Schoolkids and MRAs/TRAs. It's hard to tell the difference. It's funny how fixated they are with this site. And they probably can't stand that everyone can see right through them Grin

Nanny0gg · 21/02/2019 20:23

OP, please apologise unreservedly for being ill and not wanting to sort out a meal for your hard-working man and his children.

And be grateful for him graciously thinking of you and delivering that delicious pizza straight to your sickbed.

I'm sure he only raised his voice to make sure you could hear him sympathise with you.

What a dick

mooncuplanding · 21/02/2019 20:24

You know exactly what a person is like the way they treat their partner when they are ill. It sounds like he lives a pampered life and has got a bit used to it

And that is HIS fault? She doesn't have to do that, right? You do know woman can say no to cooking all the meals I presume from what you are saying, yet it is all his fault in some way that she does that? It doesn't compute

PrestonsFlowers · 21/02/2019 20:24

@mooncuplanding
Are you having a bad day hun

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 21/02/2019 20:25

He’s sat downstairs sulking.

I don’t prep him meals I make extra and freeze it.

OP posts:
mooncuplanding · 21/02/2019 20:26

But you seem to think she's the one in the wrong

I don't think she is wrong. I think she is a classic case of a woman who does everything and it all builds up and pours out into something trivial. She is probably doing too much generally, letting him take the piss and she needs to take some agency (and responsibility) that she has let that happen

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2019 20:28

I think she is a classic case of a woman who does everything and it all builds up and pours out into something trivial.

Or...

He acted like a knob on this occasion, and she's not feeling well and was hurt.

You know, like she said in her OP, and in her replies.