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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NDN wants to use our driveway for building work - AIBU?

563 replies

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 21:12

Having quickly checked that the thread titled 'Twat Next Door' wasn't about us, I hoped to get hive mind views on our neighbour.

This might be long, but I don't want to drip-feed. For background, we have lived next to them for about 10 years. She's OK, but he is a complete knob. We call him Gobby Gordon. We've had a few issues over the years. The first was when one of their young relatives threw stones at our car repeatedly and caused substantial damage. When I told the wife what had happened, she was very apologetic and said she would pay. The dealer quoted £800 to repair, but I got a contact to do it at knockdown price for £120 + vat. However when I went round a couple of weeks later to let her know how much it would be, the husband arrived round later ranting and raving and threw a cheque at us for £120 but giving off severely. We were a bit Hmm about it, especially since he drove a Maserati and I doubt he would have appreciated the same being done to his car. That somewhat set the tone, but we have pretty much ignored each other over the years, with a couple of exceptions.

Our driveway is between the two houses, and beyond our fence they have about a metre passageway before their gable wall. A number of years ago I arrived home to find a workman on ladders in our driveway doing work on their chimney. They hadn't let us know, and I was shocked to find him there because we have electric gates and he must have climbed over the gates / fence to get in. I almost knocked him off the ladder because I was reversing in and only saw him at the last minute. When I asked what he was doing on my property he was really abusive. He refused to leave, and police were called and I think there was some sort of warning given. Gobby Gordon gave off to my DH about it afterwards, calling us crap neighbours. When we pointed out that he hadn't had the courtesy to ask us beforehand, he said that the workman had rung our doorbell but there had been no answer (no shit Sherlock, we were out).

A few months later I saw the wife and we had a chat. She was ok, and I explained that whilst we were happy in principle with access being given, it needed to be by prior arrangement, and with one of them - not a random builder, talking to us beforehand. This has been the case since for the last few years, and we have provided access on about 3 occasions since then. The wife has always called with us, provided details of the builder, and everything has been fine with minimal disruption.

Last week we were out and we got a call from the gates (gates connect to our phone when they are called). It was a builder asking to get onto our property to look at doing some work. We were out, had no idea what he was talking about, and said it wasn't really convenient. We didn't hear anything more.

This evening we were out again, and got a call from the gates. It was a builder asking if he could speak with us. We were out, but coming back in 15 minutes, so I said if he could hang on we would chat with him. When we got back home, he was waiting for us. He knew our names, and knew a lot about us including what we do for a living (which I'm not very happy about).

The builder said he wanted access to our driveway to build scaffolding on it to rebuild the neighbour's chimney. I was pretty pissed off that I was having this conversation directly with him, and that neither of the neighbours had spoken to us about it. When I told him this, he said that he had never even met the wife, only Gobby Gordon. He told Gordon last week that he needed to speak to us about access, but Gordon hasn't bothered his arse.

When I asked about what needed to be done, he said it would be scaffolded for 7 to 10 days (so realistically likely to be 3 weeks). Our driveway will be out of action for that time, and we have 2 cars that can't be parked outside on the busy road. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of bricks being brought up and down scaffolding which could land on our driveway, our pets, or our children. I'm going through quite a stressful time in work at the moment, and I also have professional exams coming up, so really could do without 3 weeks of building work. There's more, which would be a bit outing, but it was clear from what the builder said that Gobby Gordon had discussed a lot of private information about us - information that we didn't even know that Gordon knew, so that has really, really pissed me off. The builder also laid it on really thick that he had travelled a very long way to discuss this with us. The conversation ended with me telling the builder that I was sorry for his inconvenience, but this was an issue for the neighbours to speak to us directly about, not him, and the neighbours knew the score before they sent him round to discuss it with us. DH feels a bit sorry for the builder, but I just think this is Gobby Gordon being a cheeky fucker and sending the builder round to lay it on thick rather than having the manners to speak to us directly.

This is more a WWYD rather than AIBU. MN WWYD & AIBU re CF NDN?

OP posts:
NCforthis2019 · 26/02/2019 10:53

Pinkyyy you certainly haven’t read the thread and if you have and managed to conclude that the OP is the one that’s unreasonable, you need to read it again..... or maybe you are just a walkover.

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 10:58

I'm just glad that none of you are my neighbours. I've never heard of such ridiculous demands. Asking for money to be held in an account? Asking for precise details of why the work is necessary? What's worse is that there are so many people who would be equally as mean to their own neighbours. Now I remember why I live detached with no neighbours.

scaryteacher · 26/02/2019 11:16

If someone wants to access my property, stopping me from parking on my drive, and creating a situation where there is possible damage, and certainly mess everywhere, without telling me what steps they are prepared to take to mitigate my inconvenience and to repair any damage, move the mess etc, then the answer is no from the outset. By presenting the OP with what they thought would be a fait accompli, putting her on the spot to make it difficult to say no, they burnished their CF credentials.

You might like being last of the Christian martyrs Pinkyy, or perhaps you have been brainwashed by CFs, or are a CF yourself, but the rest of us can see sense.

The CF lives in a detached house, so no reason, apart from his convenience and pocket, to need to go on the OPs grounds.

DarlingNikita · 26/02/2019 12:10

Pinkyyy, I think you must be being disingenuous. The OP has plenty of reasons not to trust her neighbour, all clearly detailed in her posts.

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 12:44

It's clear I'm alone in the way I see this situation, that's fine I'm just stating my opinion. I don't expect others to share it but I have read the full thread and that's my honest outlook on the situation.

PCohle · 26/02/2019 12:47

You would think as someone who has specifically chosen to live in a detached house to avoid disputes with neighbours you would have a little more sympathy for someone who has done likewise and still finds a CF neighbour insisting on accessing their land unnecessarily?

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 12:53

I haven't chosen to live detached specifically to avoid disputes with neighbours, I've never had a dispute ith a neighbour.

WhereIsMyTVRemote · 26/02/2019 13:02

When we moved into our house scaffold was on our drive for the neighbours chimney. No-one had bothered to let us know. It was inconvenient but was a few days at most.
Take photos before so you can prove if any damage is done and the builders liability will cover it. I would only do that though if they agree to let you park on their land during the duration.

Justaboy · 26/02/2019 13:25

It's completely normal to not use a chute

It is not complety normal to lob bricks into anywhere from height that is a blatant contravention of the health and safety at work act.

I presume you'd be quite happy if your NDN was doing that?.

Fine is the throwers aim is impecable but accidents do happen and this iis one waiting to happen.

If this was happening next door to me there be a lot of greif over it but as we have very pleasent educated normal neighbours it dosent happen!

PCohle · 26/02/2019 13:26

"Now I remember why I live detached with no neighbours"

I'm just going off what you've said on this thread Pinkyy.

DishingOutDone · 26/02/2019 14:37

Pinkyy is fun! Can we keep them?

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 14:41

As I said, you are free to form your own opinions, I am merely stating mine. I can see that it is quite considerably different to the majority but I feel no need to keep repeating myself, nor do I wish to make this thread about me.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 26/02/2019 14:47

I'm always strangely unconvinced when posters prove how kind, tolerant and community-spirited they are by ripping into other posters and casting slurs on their personalities. Grin

It happens on here a lot, "You sound like a nightmare/petty/selfish/small-minded and I would hate to live next to you/meet you/pass you on the street. I always try to be a good neighbour/friend/parent by being helpful and never saying a bad word about anyone." I've met people in real life like that too, I have to resist the temptation to ask if they've had their sense of irony surgically removed. I don't think it would go down well. Grin

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 14:53

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar oh I can assure you, I haven't made myself out to be perfect. I simply don't see why people are congratulating the OP.

PCohle · 26/02/2019 14:57

You have a bit though Pinkyy - "I don't have doormat written on my forehead, I'm actually a nice person and I don't enjoy conspiring to make other people's lives miserable"

myrtleWilson · 26/02/2019 15:04

So the OP has, in the past, had her property damaged but managed to reduce the financial cost to the neighbour for repairing her property, has had her property trespassed upon and yet still managed to accommodate the neighbour's occasional needs through his wife, has had the neighbour disregard previous agreement and send round builders direct to her house and then prior to any arrangement being put in place, said builders turned up ready to commence work and yet according to Pinkyy the OP is being spiteful and unaccommodating Grin

NigellaAwesome · 26/02/2019 16:46

Myrtle you forgot that I also haven't made cups of tea for random verbally abusive men who have broken into my property, although tbf I think that might have been another poster, not Pinkyy.

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 16:59

Nope, cups of tea wasn't me.

Grumpelstilskin · 26/02/2019 17:03

Pinkyy you are being deliberately goady and probably are another CFer in real life. You also obviously haven't heard of basic health & safety.

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 17:10

@Grumpelstilskin I'm really not. I'm by no means a doormat, or a CF, but I don't agree with the way the OP has handled this particular scenario. I've heard of basic health and safety but when the OP has chosen to make them go down an alternative root then of course the health and safety is going to also have to be compromised.

DishingOutDone · 26/02/2019 17:11

What's your position on the catering for the kind, hardworking builders then Pinkyy? Brew

GabriellaMontez · 26/02/2019 17:18

Why should health and safety be compromised?

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 17:23

@DishingOutDone I think builders need to provide their own food and drinks. I have no idea why they expect an endless supply of free tea.

BoringPerson · 26/02/2019 17:45

Well..... I'm not a builder and I'm definitely not the arsey neighbour but I can see where Pinkkyy is coming from. I wouldnt have asked for a list as I don't see the point of it other than making things more awkward and I would have let the builder use the driveway without a chute. I would have insisted on the brickwork paving being protected though and I would have taken photos etc.

The neighbour sounds awful but regardless of that the work needs doing and I would have facilitated it. The easiest and quickest way to do that would be to get the builder on board.

It only a chimney rebuild - the work will be over in a few days.

TBH I would have made the builder a cup of tea too 😅

I think you are more likely to end up with a good result for yourself without appearing to be awkward. I wouldn't care what the neighbour though but appearing reasonable to the builder would probably end up with a better result for you.

BoringPerson · 26/02/2019 17:46

Thought*
Sorry for typos ....new phone is misbehaving