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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NDN wants to use our driveway for building work - AIBU?

563 replies

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 21:12

Having quickly checked that the thread titled 'Twat Next Door' wasn't about us, I hoped to get hive mind views on our neighbour.

This might be long, but I don't want to drip-feed. For background, we have lived next to them for about 10 years. She's OK, but he is a complete knob. We call him Gobby Gordon. We've had a few issues over the years. The first was when one of their young relatives threw stones at our car repeatedly and caused substantial damage. When I told the wife what had happened, she was very apologetic and said she would pay. The dealer quoted £800 to repair, but I got a contact to do it at knockdown price for £120 + vat. However when I went round a couple of weeks later to let her know how much it would be, the husband arrived round later ranting and raving and threw a cheque at us for £120 but giving off severely. We were a bit Hmm about it, especially since he drove a Maserati and I doubt he would have appreciated the same being done to his car. That somewhat set the tone, but we have pretty much ignored each other over the years, with a couple of exceptions.

Our driveway is between the two houses, and beyond our fence they have about a metre passageway before their gable wall. A number of years ago I arrived home to find a workman on ladders in our driveway doing work on their chimney. They hadn't let us know, and I was shocked to find him there because we have electric gates and he must have climbed over the gates / fence to get in. I almost knocked him off the ladder because I was reversing in and only saw him at the last minute. When I asked what he was doing on my property he was really abusive. He refused to leave, and police were called and I think there was some sort of warning given. Gobby Gordon gave off to my DH about it afterwards, calling us crap neighbours. When we pointed out that he hadn't had the courtesy to ask us beforehand, he said that the workman had rung our doorbell but there had been no answer (no shit Sherlock, we were out).

A few months later I saw the wife and we had a chat. She was ok, and I explained that whilst we were happy in principle with access being given, it needed to be by prior arrangement, and with one of them - not a random builder, talking to us beforehand. This has been the case since for the last few years, and we have provided access on about 3 occasions since then. The wife has always called with us, provided details of the builder, and everything has been fine with minimal disruption.

Last week we were out and we got a call from the gates (gates connect to our phone when they are called). It was a builder asking to get onto our property to look at doing some work. We were out, had no idea what he was talking about, and said it wasn't really convenient. We didn't hear anything more.

This evening we were out again, and got a call from the gates. It was a builder asking if he could speak with us. We were out, but coming back in 15 minutes, so I said if he could hang on we would chat with him. When we got back home, he was waiting for us. He knew our names, and knew a lot about us including what we do for a living (which I'm not very happy about).

The builder said he wanted access to our driveway to build scaffolding on it to rebuild the neighbour's chimney. I was pretty pissed off that I was having this conversation directly with him, and that neither of the neighbours had spoken to us about it. When I told him this, he said that he had never even met the wife, only Gobby Gordon. He told Gordon last week that he needed to speak to us about access, but Gordon hasn't bothered his arse.

When I asked about what needed to be done, he said it would be scaffolded for 7 to 10 days (so realistically likely to be 3 weeks). Our driveway will be out of action for that time, and we have 2 cars that can't be parked outside on the busy road. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of bricks being brought up and down scaffolding which could land on our driveway, our pets, or our children. I'm going through quite a stressful time in work at the moment, and I also have professional exams coming up, so really could do without 3 weeks of building work. There's more, which would be a bit outing, but it was clear from what the builder said that Gobby Gordon had discussed a lot of private information about us - information that we didn't even know that Gordon knew, so that has really, really pissed me off. The builder also laid it on really thick that he had travelled a very long way to discuss this with us. The conversation ended with me telling the builder that I was sorry for his inconvenience, but this was an issue for the neighbours to speak to us directly about, not him, and the neighbours knew the score before they sent him round to discuss it with us. DH feels a bit sorry for the builder, but I just think this is Gobby Gordon being a cheeky fucker and sending the builder round to lay it on thick rather than having the manners to speak to us directly.

This is more a WWYD rather than AIBU. MN WWYD & AIBU re CF NDN?

OP posts:
enidalton · 26/02/2019 02:00

I think you sound like the unreasonable ones TBH. Regarding access it's the builder who's going to know the set up and what disruption may be caused so I'd much rather speak with the person who's going to be doing the work and can explain exactly whats going to be happening.

If you refuse and its essential maintenance they can put in for a court order for access to carry out maintenance.

Jesus, its building work/property maintenance! If part of that chimney falls off in the wind and kills one of your kids I bet you'd be the first one to complain and ask why work hadn't been carried out.

Stop being so fussy, show a bit of leeway and you'll probably get the same back in return.

JollyHolly30 · 26/02/2019 02:05

Definitely take photos of your drive incase of any damage. (Shameless place marking)

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/02/2019 02:05

If you refuse and its essential maintenance they can put in for a court order for access to carry out maintenance.

Not if they can access it another way they can't - which they can and have. The NDN can't insist the OP absorbs costs of maintenance (by losing access to their own property for a time) in order to keep money in their own wallet.

Even with a court order the NDN will have to pay the OP for the loss of utility. This isn't something the builder would be able to negotiate so the NDN most certainly should be talking with the OP.

enidalton · 26/02/2019 03:46

Rebuilding of a chimney should take 3-4 days tops. I don't see why a cherry picker couldn't be used. And if its damp that leads to errosion/ unstable.

For gods sake why so petty and argumentative. If a workman needed to put ladders in your driveway for access so what? They were clearly doing no harm and had a job to do. Especially when they've attempted to contact you and got no answer. Its costing the workmen money to be there. I don't get people who push every little niggle and make things difficult and unpleasant for ultimately themselves in the long run.

To ask them to leave and ring the police? How hard is it just to be nice? If that was me coming in from work and I hadn't seen them up on the ladder I'd feel rude for not offering them a cuppa!

I suppose you have to have the 'Victor Meldrews' and every street has them. I'm so glad we work on a little give and take with both our neighbours and it makes it such a nicer place to live.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 26/02/2019 04:56

Bolshy Builder is obviously pissed off and can't be bothered to do things properly.

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 06:41

It's completely normal to not use a chute. You refused them to do things the way they wanted to so they're not making do. You can't refuse to be helpful and then complain about it. Perhaps if you hadn't have been so awkward then people would be more inclined to show more care towards you.

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 06:47

They've decided not to do things along with your ridiculous list of demands and have found an alternative way to do them. This means they no longer have to comply with anything you asked.

LunafortJest · 26/02/2019 06:50

@enidalton "For gods sake why so petty and argumentative. If a workman needed to put ladders in your driveway for access so what?"
So you would be happy to be blocked in your home, no way out because your driveway was blocked off? Really? What if there were a medical emergency with a child and you needed to drive to A and E, or you had to call the ambulance?

"They were clearly doing no harm"
You haven't read the full thread, have you?

BoringPerson · 26/02/2019 07:40

Ask him to put some boarding over some of your driveway. To protect it from damage.

FabulouslyFab · 26/02/2019 07:40

Definitely some builders joined this thread! I’m with you OP GrinFlowers

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 07:48

@FabulouslyFab I've been here since early on and I'm not a builder. Why should people go out of their way for the OP when she won't do the same for them?

WillowKnicks · 26/02/2019 07:53

If that was me coming in from work and I hadn't seen them up on the ladder I'd feel rude for not offering them a cuppa!

Yeah, course you would!!! 🙄🤣

NigellaAwesome · 26/02/2019 07:54

Can I clarify for those who have missed it in the thread. We didn't refuse, we asked our neighbour to put the proposal in writing so we could consider it. An hour later he came back saying he didn't need access after all.

OP posts:
CallingDannyBoy · 26/02/2019 08:05

Finding a lot of the responses on here bizarre. Yes there is give and take in life but not with people who don’t respond in kind. GG hasn’t and at each turn has shown himself to be unreasonable and highly unlikely to consider OPs feelings or needs. They managed to find a solution pretty quickly when OP said she needed further clarification and agreements in place before work was carried out.

If the work had gone ahead and there had been any damage to OPs property I doubt GG would have repaired it or compensated OP. Are people really expecting the OP to go after the builder in the event of any damage to try to recover costs? Why should she, after all the inconvenience of the work itself, have to pursue compensation from GG or the builder.

LunafortJest · 26/02/2019 08:14

@Pinkyyy If you had read the thread you'd know the OP has gone out of her way numerous times for her CF neighbour, and she got is abuse thrown at her. Why should she go out of her way, yet again, for CF abusive neighbour when CF abusive neighbour won't do the same?

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 08:37

@LunafortJest I've read the thread in it's entirety. She is very unreasonable to expect them to take special measures to suit her when she was so unaccommodating to them. She was asking ridiculous demands so they they were forced to think of another way to do the work.

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 08:41

I'm sure that 'GG' now has a nickname for his very own CF neighbour.

Svalberg · 26/02/2019 09:04

Pinkyyy It's completely normal to not use a chute.

I work in construction (not small domestic dwellings...). Many small construction outfits don't have a chute but I've reported a couple that I saw (as I went down the street) and considered dangerous & had the sites shut down until they got it sorted to the satisfaction of the HSE

scaryteacher · 26/02/2019 09:13

Pinkyy I had a CF neighbour walk into my back yard, without permission, with his builder, whilst I stood and watched them. They then turned up at my door demanding I move my shed and my oil tank to allow scaffolding to be erected. Should I have said 'oh of course, right away' and spent my money and inconvenienced myself to do that? Instead, I pointed out if they could scaffold around the conning tower of a nuclear submarine, whilst it is moored alongside, then it should be possible to scaffold above the height of the shed and the oil tank on dry land.

What the OP can't convey here is the sheer sense of entitlement that CFs have, and that they expect you to just roll over and do what they want at your own expense. You may have door mat printed on your forehead Pinkyy, but not all of us do.

Why should the OP not be be able to park on her drive to accommodate her neighbour? What about any damage to her property? Why should she not be recompensed for this? She was quite right in her approach. Had a random builder approached me and starting spouting stuff about my life and wanting access to my property, I might well have called the police, given dh's line of work.

LunafortJest · 26/02/2019 09:45

@Pinkyyy You clearly haven't, because she has been over accommodating to them and done things for them. Try actually reading TFT.

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 10:32

First off I don't have doormat written on my forehead, I'm actually a nice person and I don't enjoy conspiring to make other people's lives miserable. I certainly have RTFT but she has done nothing of the sort.

GabriellaMontez · 26/02/2019 10:33

pinky are you my ex?! Completely misinterpreting the information, or maybe not even hearing it! In a way that is so off the mark its just baffling !

Pinkyyy · 26/02/2019 10:37

@GabriellaMontez no, I'm not. I'm not misinterpreting anything, the op set up a big long list of stupid things to ask for, purely to make it impossible for them to use her driveway. If she didn't want them to, she should have just said no. Why is it that nobody can see just how awkward and spiteful the OP has been.

GabriellaMontez · 26/02/2019 10:47

By 'Stupid things', do you mean like 'how long for? ' and 'are the builders insured ?'

scaryteacher · 26/02/2019 10:52

Pinkyy You are being obtuse. Why were they stupid things to ask for? The OP asked for clarification as to how things,would be done, setting out very clearly, her expectations. When those meant the CF neighbour would have to put his hand in his pocket, and actually sort things out, as opposed to the rest of the world doing his bidding, he found another way to do it.

I wouldn't allow a neighbour to do this without checking what the outcome would be if my property were to be damaged or end up with rubbish all over it.

Had the neighbour agreed to her very reasonable conditions, then the OP may have considered it. Just because a CF is male, doesn't mean you have to sort things out for them.