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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not buy my dd something she wants

181 replies

ScafellPoke · 20/02/2019 20:32

Because I think it’s naff!

She’s only 5, and she want a jojo bow like her friends in school.

I know it’s not the end if the world if she does have one, but I just think they’re so horribly naff and tacky!

OP posts:
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5
notanothernam · 21/02/2019 08:37

I think they look awful, but what is sweet about them is that they're so very childish, we seem so quick to want to dress children like little adults it's nice they're unashamedly for children, whether I could bring myself to buy one....jury's out.

Grannypants123 · 21/02/2019 08:43

NutElla5x

I’ve never witnessed these either and I in Glasgow and use public transport all the time 🤷🏽‍♀️

Both DD’s wore these bows when they were fashionable - maybe 12/18 months ago - and I also have never been sat on a train swigging cans of Carling. Nor have I looked at my children while wearing them and thought thy looked “trashy”

I am also working class. Both myself and DP have senior job roles, have a nice car, mortgage....

I know everyone has their own tastes etc, but to judge someone on wha they’re wearing says more about the people making the judgment rather than the person they’re judging.

PengAly · 21/02/2019 08:43

I think they look awful, but what is sweet about them is that they're so very childish, we seem so quick to want to dress children like little adults it's nice they're unashamedly for children

I really agree with this. Childhood goes by too quickly and they have a lifetime of worrying about what people think and being judged. Just let them be a kid for now! Silly hair accessories, funny shoes, pattered and bright coloured clothes etc.. it's all part of being a child. I'd never consider judging parents based on a hair accessory their kid is wearing!

PengAly · 21/02/2019 08:45

I am also working class. Both myself and DP have senior job roles, have a nice car, mortgage....

Off topic but you've just described middle class. You aren't working class based on the descriptions you've given of you and DP lifestyle.

littlepeas · 21/02/2019 08:55

Worrying about appearing 'chavvy' is very lower middle class/Hyacinth Bucket. Who cares what people think?

Katterinaballerina · 21/02/2019 08:59

MitziK your DD sounds awesome.

Zoflorabore · 21/02/2019 09:08

I live on the outskirts of Liverpool and have never seen the lager louts on the train at 11am scenario with bow headed kids.

And I thought Barrow was nice....

Anyway, are you going to buy her a bow op?
I think you're making a big deal of this and are more worried about how you will be perceived by others.

NutElla5x · 21/02/2019 09:13

Grannypants123 I'm from dahn sarf (working class and proud) but have been to Glasgow many times (by train!) and nope we must go round with blinkers on or something because no early morning beer swilling parents spotted there by me either. Funny that init?

C0untDucku1a · 21/02/2019 09:16

Any mention of Jojo bows on MNs and imemdiately people forget their manners and become classist, judgemental bores. Do you know what’s a worse look than a child wearing a hair bow? Adults judging them.

Jojo Siwa is a teen who looks like a teen. That’s her image. Teen girl enjoying suitable age-appropriate activities and an age appropriate role model for her fans.

Would you rather your daughter love Jojo Siwa and her bows, or Little Mix, who also have a very young fan base and are quite the opposite in terms of appropriate for young children.

UnperfectLife · 21/02/2019 09:21

Were you/ they coming out of Barrow to head south or North ????? Just interested.
I would prob allow jojo bow ( it's hypothetical, I have boys.... oh no, is that another thread) . But my line I will never cross is character bedding. Never ever ever ever ever have, or will, I allow it in my house. Don't care who pays for it. No no no.

Zoflorabore · 21/02/2019 09:28

My dd has JoJo bedding from when she was obsessed Blush

She's currently laying in a LOL dolls bedding set. Meh.

formerbabe · 21/02/2019 09:35

My dd has sn which affect her ability to communicate. I've always been very easy going about letting her wear what she wants providing its weather appropriate. This means we have jojo bows, sequins, character clothing, clashing patterns etc. I really don't care what others think...she is my priority and her happiness. I have zero obligation or interest in what random, snobby, judgmental members of the public think.

llangennith · 21/02/2019 09:36

I hate those bows and yes I think they're chavvy but these things are important when you're 5 and all your friends have them. Buy your DD a bow if she really wants one.

seething1234 · 21/02/2019 09:47

Your DD doesn't associate the bows with chavs,or class etc. Let her have a bow, she'll be delighted with herself. It the grand scheme of things it's not really a big deal. As they get older you really can't control every aspect of their choices - just suck it up and be happy for her being happy.

PengAly · 21/02/2019 09:49

I think we should get away from using "chavvy" as a description on here. Its really insulting to children who were unfortunate to be born into families with low to no income, living in rough council estate areas.
Adults who judge children based on their clothing are very petty and should grow up IMO.

m0therofdragons · 21/02/2019 09:54

@PengAly my experience of "chav" is expensive labelled sports clothing. You can be on a low income and not be "chavvy", it's more about people who dress a certain way and behave a certain way - disrespectful to others, spitting out gum, drinking in the street / park, swearing in front of dc etc. I'm not too concerned about insulting those people to be honest.

PBo83 · 21/02/2019 09:57

I'd have more of a concern with her watching JoJo (if she does) than with the bow itself (which I don't see as a problem).

Grannypants123 · 21/02/2019 09:59

@PengAly

I live in a rough council estate in Glasgow! Both myself and DP have senior job roles, but we’re both senior managers within the civil service, therefore our pay isn’t THAT great. We have a fairly expensive car and own our home - yes it’s ex local authority, but who cares?! My neighbours - who also own their ex council property, are also fairly well off. He works on the Riggs and earns enough so she doesn’t have to work.

Not every child born into a council estate has low to no income and this should certainly not be deemed as a chav. Your comment is very stereotypical of people who live on council estates 🤦🏽‍♀️

PengAly · 21/02/2019 10:06

Motherofdragons that's the point, chavs are associated with bad behaviours, you calling the parents and child "chavvy" because of a bow is insulting to that family, not the people displaying anti social behaviour.
Also, the original meaning of chav is someone from low income (not all people obviously). As it stands for Council House affiliated Vermin. I agree that those behaviours are rude but you aren't insulting the people displaying the behaviours, you are insulting people who wear a big bow by associating them to those ill-mannered people who display the anti social behaviours you mentioned.

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/02/2019 10:09

It's really insulting to everyone, I hate the word being used in such a superior and sneery way.
The op telling me to be proud I am a chav when I objected to her use of the word says more about her than me. I can't imagine anyone describing me like that if they knew me but neither would I describe someone in such a snooty way.

PengAly · 21/02/2019 10:13

Not every child born into a council estate has low to no income and this should certainly not be deemed as a chav. Your comment is very stereotypical of people who live on council estates

I don't live on a council estate by the way, never said I did. Read my post properly, I never said every child...I was referring some of the children, as council estates do have SOME low to no income families- its the original reason for them. I also said I found the use of chav insulting so not sure what I've said wrong here?

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 21/02/2019 10:15

I wouldn't buy my DD one when she asked for them as I said they were too expensive.
A friend got her one for her birthday (her mum asked my permission first) and I had no problem with that, as it was a gift from a friend and not my business (I would never have said no don't give it to her as a present).
If you give in on every thing your DD wants you will send yourself bankrupt with loads of plastic tat and cheap fashion that's killing the planet. I'm a horrible mum in this respect.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2019 10:16

Oh come on OP, no-one drinks Carling Grin

Especially not someone who needs a drink at 11am

PengAly · 21/02/2019 10:20

If you give in on every thing your DD wants you will send yourself bankrupt with loads of plastic tat and cheap fashion that's killing the planet. I'm a horrible mum in this respect.

But the OP isn't reluctant due to cost, she is reluctant due to her own judgmental attitude. I suspect she is worried about what others would think

eatingtomuch · 21/02/2019 10:21

I was thankful that my dd was a teen when jojo bows became fashionable and never wanted them. However, I'm sure if she was younger she would have wanted to be the save as her peers and asked for one. As much as I dislike them I'd have probably got her one because these phases are very short lived thankfully.

My DD is now 16. She has developed her own style. She does not bow to peer pressure and is very quirky/unique in her fashion tastes.

Following their peers at a young age does not mean they won't develop their own identity as they mature.

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