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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to have a big celebration for our 10th anniversary?

120 replies

PoppingBubbles · 20/02/2019 13:21

It's a non point right now, as we have a couple of years to go yet. However, am interested if it's the 'done thing'?

I've seen quite a few threads saying it's not OK to do it, and no one cares as it's not seen as a 'special' one.

I think it is though, and love a good celebration. We don't get enough of them in this lifetime I think Grin

WIBU to do something special? Party / meal / something else. Has anyone else done something nice to celebrate? Or attended one they enjoyed?

OP posts:
Lostthefairytale · 20/02/2019 13:26

I know lots of people who have recently celebrated 10 years and all of them celebrated as a couple only. I think if I was invited to a 10th anniversary party i’d be trying to find an excuse not to go! It just feels a bit self-important to me.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/02/2019 13:28

YANBU to do something special, but whether you involve others or not depends on your family and friends.

If they are the kind of people who love to get together and have a party then go for it, but if they're not then you may be heading for a damp squib.

Are you expecting or needing people to pay for themselves or will you be footing the bill?

I've only ever been to Golden & Ruby big celebrations, although smaller family meals were had for a couple of Silvers.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/02/2019 13:28

I think its fine as long as you dont expect people to: pay towards it, bring you gifts or take a days annual leave.

StitchingMoss · 20/02/2019 13:29

I’d go out for a meal with close friends if invited but I think I’d be a bit meh about a party for 10 years Grin

EC22 · 20/02/2019 13:29

It’s not a done thing til 25 years so you’re premature with your celebrations.
I wouldn’t have a big party but maybe a small do with nearest & dearest?

Biker47 · 20/02/2019 13:30

I wouldn't go to one, I don't care enough about someone else's marriage personally.

huggybear · 20/02/2019 13:31

Ten years married? I went to a small party of a friend to celebrate her husband's 30th and their 10th anniversary (though only married 2 years) was lovely.

Calatonia · 20/02/2019 13:32

Some close friends had a big family and friends party in a hall for their 10th wedding anniversary...... It was about ten years ago.... they're getting divorced now (moving out this week as it's half term).......

flowery · 20/02/2019 13:32

We did- we hired a big house for a weekend away and invited some friends. However we got married at 22 so a lot of the friends were ones we would have invited to the wedding if we’d known them.

Obviously we paid for everything, so it was basically just a nice weekend away.

It didn’t even occur to me that people might buy us presents, given it was only 10 years not 25 or 40 or something, so I was a bit mortified when a few of them did.

NorthEndGal · 20/02/2019 13:33

I have been married 20 years, might have a party at our 25th
It wouldn't have occurred to me to throw a party for ten years
Maybe go on a cruise, or a trip, but just as a couple

FancyPantsMcGhee · 20/02/2019 13:33

I wondered about this too. We were young and skint when we got married and said at the time we'd have our dream party at ten years. That will be in a few months but we're not actually planning anything. We won't even be in the same place as I'm taking the kids on holiday that week with the grandparents and DH is working!

I do feel it is worth celebrating as it's been a hell of a decade but we might just book a meal somewhere and see if the family fancy coming along.

Mumof1andacat · 20/02/2019 13:34

We've been married 10 years this year and have a long weekend away booked. Ds at the grandparents

WhatHaveIFound · 20/02/2019 13:35

DH and I went to New York for our 10th anniversary, then had similar trips away (without DC) for our 15th, 20th & 25th. I think we're holding out on the party until we've been married for 50 years Grin

But if you're a party person, then go for it. I commented to DD the other day that since we're past weddings, most of our family occasions are funerals now!

princesskatethefirst · 20/02/2019 13:35

Well We are next year and renewing our vows too but that's mainly because I was severely ill when we got married and wasn't expected to have longer than 6/12 months to live so it was all very raw and a blur, so just the fact that I'm still hanging on and we've made it to something we thought was impossible is our reasoning so I guess what I'm saying is it depends on the circumstances maybe.

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 20/02/2019 13:39

Not really the done thing, it’s not a big one and, at 10 years, it’s not actually that long ago since your actual wedding.
I wouldn’t be racing out to buy an anniversary card & gift and attending a 10th anniversary party but if you have lots of family/friends who often throw a party for any occasion then go for it.

peachgreen · 20/02/2019 13:43

I think unless there are extenuating circumstances like princess it's a bit weird to expect other people to celebrate your anniversary tbh.

User67836 · 20/02/2019 13:43

We've been talking about doing this as it would be lovely have a big party and I think 10 years is a big deal... However I worry it'll come across as self important and smug. I think in reality is rather spend the money in a holiday and maybe have a big joint party for our 40th's which are in 5yrs time.

Original poster
PoppingBubbles · 20/02/2019 13:50

OK, so majority say it's weird. Fair enough.
I have to ask why though?

We didn't have hen or stag dos, no one paid a penny, other than travel at our wedding (open bar)

How come it's acceptable for birthday parties, stag or hen dos, baptisms etc, yet an invite to a nice meal out, or a little celebration is seen as self centred, 'as it's only 10th'? I'm genuinely interested.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 20/02/2019 13:52

We did, it was a great night with 70 people. It coincided with a couple of other major events.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/02/2019 13:53

We didn't have gifts obvs.

Hollowvictory · 20/02/2019 13:53

Yanbu we had a big party for ours it was fab.
We also go on a honeymoon every 5 years.

Lauren83 · 20/02/2019 14:10

I don't know anyone that's had anniversary celebrations unless it's been for 30+ years, if your family/close friends want to get together with you great but personally I would find it a bit strange that someone organised a ten year anniversary celebration as usually I think is just something to celebrate between yourselves

chillpizza · 20/02/2019 14:14

Not sure why other people would celebrate the fact you’ve managed to stay together for X years. That’s between you and your partner. You could be in a horrible marriage for 50years or a loving one but for only a year.

areyoureallysaying · 20/02/2019 14:21

Poppingbubbles
I would quite happily go along to a party that celebrated 10 years of marriage(So many people don't make it these days.) for a friend or family member.
I don't think you need to have extreme circumstances like Princess (though how wonderful that she is fit and well to see her 10th year after a scary diagnosis like that)

Life and love is for celebrating as you never know what is round the corner. So throw your party, invite your nearest and dearest and have a bloody good time.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/02/2019 14:48

How come it's acceptable for birthday parties, stag or hen dos, baptisms etc you only have to look at all the threads on here to see that these celebrations arent easily accepted and often cause problems. Assuming you are in the UK, its very much a British thing, we dont like to be seen to be 'showing off'- tbh I think these events are fine as long as they dont take up a huge amount of peoples time and money, which sadly they inevitably do.