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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to have a big celebration for our 10th anniversary?

120 replies

PoppingBubbles · 20/02/2019 13:21

It's a non point right now, as we have a couple of years to go yet. However, am interested if it's the 'done thing'?

I've seen quite a few threads saying it's not OK to do it, and no one cares as it's not seen as a 'special' one.

I think it is though, and love a good celebration. We don't get enough of them in this lifetime I think Grin

WIBU to do something special? Party / meal / something else. Has anyone else done something nice to celebrate? Or attended one they enjoyed?

OP posts:
Roussette · 20/02/2019 21:05

I just find any anniversary party odd unless it is very elderly with a 60th or something.

The last two I was asked to was a silver wedding, 25th. First couple (close rellie)... he left her with literally one week's notice, 2 years later.

The second party for a 25th, they both gave schmaltzy speeches about what they meant to each other, sorry but it was pretty nauseating. They'd split up within a year.

I know I'm sounding like an old cynic but if you have to tell the world about how much you love each other, to me there's something wrong. Tell each other! Why do you have to tell everyone else?!

FancyPantsMcGhee · 21/02/2019 09:21

I agree with PP. If you can suck the joy out of life at every opportunity, then you absolutely should. Why the fuck should we celebrate anything pertaining to the lives of others? Or ourselves for that matter? There is a quota on happiness and enjoyment of life and we would not want to breach that.

Happy anniversary OP Wink

chestylarue52 · 21/02/2019 09:50

Please try and understand for the not-and-never-going to marry or have children types like me it can get tiring and expensive.

Im 37 so I'm in the sweet storm of friends and family getting married for the first time, friends and family getting married for the second time, divorce parties, baby showers, hen dos, christenings.

Already this summer I have 7 weekends taken up with that stuff.

I know it's an invite and not a summons but I do (generally) love my friends and family so I do want to celebrate with them and I want their parties to go well but ten years for me is like geez give me a break (and I mean that literally and not in a bitchy way), and I love a party more than most.

Its also fine to say 'no presents' or 'it won't cost people anything' but I personally never turn up at a party empty handed and I'll usually spend some money on a outfit or getting ready, and travel, booze etc.

chestylarue52 · 21/02/2019 09:53

If you want to have a BBQ then do that, it's nice, invite people, have a little toast if you want but please don't say on the invitation or when inviting people that it's 'for' your anniversary. People do feel obliged. I would.

maras2 · 21/02/2019 10:32

We had one for our 40th, adult kids pressure.
Would never have thought about it any earlier,not sure why Confused
Anyway, if you want it then you have it but be aware that no matter how much you say 'no presents please' no one will take a blind bit of notice and will probably at sometime mention the word 'grabby' behind your back. Smile

FirenzeRossignol · 21/02/2019 12:58

Our 10th anniversary disappeared in the Christening party for the DC who was born on our 9th. So we had a joint 21st birthday/ 30th wedding bash. But we like to party.

tfifridayatlast · 21/02/2019 13:00

We are 10 years married this year. It didn't cross our minds to have a party, but we are going away for the weekend to a naice hotel without the kids to celebrate.
Definitely mark the occasion but I wouldn't do a party or anything involving other people. No one really cares

flowersaremyfave · 21/02/2019 13:11

How come it's acceptable for birthday parties, stag or hen dos, baptisms etc, yet an invite to a nice meal out, or a little celebration is seen as self centred, 'as it's only 10th'? I'm genuinely interested.

Have you not worked it out yet? Mn don't do celebrating or like to have a bit fun for that matter 🙄

Some lady started a thread about her 40th birthday this week and OMG the fun suckers were out in force 😂 oh and you can't have a baptism unless you are at church twice a week and are proper religious 🙈

Op I'd have the party just because I love them and quite frankly like you send we don't have enough of them!

downcasteyes · 21/02/2019 13:16

Exactly flowers! Life is full enough of horror and grief - I'm all for people celebrating everything, in whatever way makes them happy, private or public.

OneToThree · 21/02/2019 13:20

We paid for a meal for 12 people (close friends and family).

LadyPeach · 21/02/2019 13:20

We've just got back from ours! Not married but 10 years together, we wanted to mark the occasion so went to Paris for the weekend over valentines (well we left the thurs). We rarely treat ourselves or do anything without a small child in tow so it was really special and although we're engaged I don't think we are overly bothered about getting married.

flowersaremyfave · 21/02/2019 13:24

@downcasteyes me too. I don't understand people on here that like to suck the life out of life! I don't know anyone like that irl and I'm so thankful I don't.

Your a long time dead.

oldowlgirl · 21/02/2019 13:30

I'm a party person & love hosting parties so we had a big party to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We loved it. Had about 80 friends & family there as well as our DCs with a band & DJ.

It was brill. No one was forced to attend & no presents expected. It was such a great night - loved it.

Posesinavase · 21/02/2019 13:41

I know lots of couples who have went on a special holiday for their 10th anniversary but never on who had a party.
It's completely acceptable to go large for the two of you if you want to but its a non event to anyone else.

Baptisms etc are a one off you have a anniversary every year. Once you reach Ruby and golden then it gets impressive but 10 years isn't really a big deal to anyone outside that couple as it's expected.

NameChangeNugget · 21/02/2019 13:48

OK, so majority say it's weird. Fair enough.
I have to ask why though?

Without being rude, nobody would give a shiny shit, other than maybe close family.

Why not have a great holiday instead?

Purpletigers · 21/02/2019 14:04

I wouldn’t have a party for anything less than 25 years . A meal for you both yes of course . Anything else is a bit meh

areyoureallysaying · 21/02/2019 14:07

Without being rude, nobody would give a shiny shit, other than maybe close family.

I’m glad you’re not one of my friends! This is about the third comment I’ve read saying no one cares about you’re anniversaries but you. Well I obviously have an odd selection of mates as we’re always interested in each other’s lives!
My friend had a tipping the balance party this year (basically her and her partner have now been a couple longer than they haven’t if that makes sense!)
It was an amazing party that started at about six in the evening and finally wound up at about 5am. They made it clear that presents weren’t to be bought but we did have speeches (some planned and some not) and a cake.
Like I said it was fab it brought us all together and no one thought it was weird or odd to be having fun

downcasteyes · 21/02/2019 15:05

areyoureally - Me too! I cried when a couple of good friends announced they were divorcing, I was genuinely really, really sad about it, and worried for both of them. Equally, I feel a little bolt of joy inside when I think about the happily married couples having their anniversary. It's lovely to celebrate a pair of people you really love.

I do get the PITA thing - my difficult and bossy PIL are having their umpteenth anniversary later this year, and it will involve DH and me driving for 5 hours and then being marooned in a house they've rented on an island for 3 days! It will be an endurance test, for sure. But one of those things you suck up as a result of being family. At least you get to choose your friends!

thecatsthecats · 21/02/2019 15:09

Being interested in each other's lives doesn't necessarily entail marking arbitrary passages of time though, does it?

It's not binary - you can be super involved AND supportive and a friend AND have get togethers without having any sort of specific event at all. After all, that's how you make friends!

Plus I think one of the less obvious tediums is that these events tend to include people you don't know as well - other friends and family. I like to see my friends in their different niches (university, home etc) because each group has a different dynamic.

Roussette · 21/02/2019 15:10

areyouallsaying We're all different. I have two girlfriends I have known since school, (we're talking fifty plus years here!) who we are in contact with lots, who we holiday with as couples, we are close. And yes I'm interested in their lives. You can't have that sort of history and not be.

However, I haven't got a clue when they got married! I remember they were summer weddings but that's it. I know roughly the number of years they've been married but not precisely. If they asked me to an anniversary party (unless it was 50plus years) I would find it strange. All of us celebrate our marriages with our partners not other people. When we had a 30th anniversary, my DH and I went on a fab holiday.

fussychica · 21/02/2019 15:19

Wouldn't be for me but we aren't party people. We reach 40 years in May. We are going on holiday but won't be away on the actual day as it's during half term so we are leaving the following weekGrin
I think it would be fairly unusual but I'd go for it if it's what you want and can afford it.

oldowlgirl · 21/02/2019 18:21

Thankfully my friends are of the @areyoureallysaying & @downcasteyes variety - we all care about each other a lot & if people think something is worth a celebration, then we'll all happily celebrate Grin

Roussette · 21/02/2019 18:33

I don't think not celebrating wedding anniversaries with friends means you don't care for them. We've just never done it so it's alien to me and my friends

Crankybitch · 21/02/2019 18:40

Life is short - have all the parties you can while you can

Why not celebrate round number anniversaries? As long as you are not asking for gifts it’s an excuse to get people together - everyone lives so far from each other / has busy lives. A party is a great idea to catch up xx

HarrySnotter · 21/02/2019 18:42

Someone I know spent £10K (Yes you read that right) on a massive marquee for their 10th anniversary. Lots of people went and enjoyed their hospitality - there was a wedding cake and the 'bride' wore a new wedding dress. They they all took the piss out of them afterwards.