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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to have a big celebration for our 10th anniversary?

120 replies

PoppingBubbles · 20/02/2019 13:21

It's a non point right now, as we have a couple of years to go yet. However, am interested if it's the 'done thing'?

I've seen quite a few threads saying it's not OK to do it, and no one cares as it's not seen as a 'special' one.

I think it is though, and love a good celebration. We don't get enough of them in this lifetime I think

WIBU to do something special? Party / meal / something else. Has anyone else done something nice to celebrate? Or attended one they enjoyed?

OP posts:

Roussette · 21/02/2019 18:44

We throw parties for any excuse. Obviously big birthdays, or a sunny weekend, or anything else. Just not wedding anniversaries.

TwitterQueen1 · 21/02/2019 18:52

It is cringey and self-congratulatory, particularly for anyone (and there are lots of us) who are divorced. It's like "Hey look at our marriage! Aren't we great? Sorry about all you failures out there..."

Anniversaries (excepting 25, 50, 60..) should be kept private between couples - an opportunity to celebrate definitely, but not at the expense of others.

I'm very happily divorced btw, so this isn't sour grapes and I'm all for parties - I love them! But I don't care that you've been married for 10 years.. I really don't.

Leeds2 · 21/02/2019 18:56

I think celebrating a tenth wedding anniversary is for the couple themselves, rather than a big occasion.
If I were invited to a tenth wedding anniversary party, I think I would think that one of the couple had had an affair and/or the marriage had been in difficulty, and that the party was the start of a "new beginning." That said, I think a BBQ in the summer would be lovely, but I wouldn't tell anyone about the anniversary until they got there (if at all), and I wouldn't have stuff like Congratulations! banners hung up. It would just be the same as an ordinary BBQ.

notanothernam · 21/02/2019 19:03

DH and I will go on a special holiday just us 2, anniversaries are for a couple in my opinion.

oldowlgirl · 21/02/2019 19:06

Oh my goodness @HarrySnotter you all sound vile. In the famous MN saying, it's a party, not a summons. No need to go if you don't agree with the reason for the celebration. How horrible.

notanothernam · 21/02/2019 19:14

Wouldnt you rather go on holiday? I'd so much rather spend the money going away than I would a party, but that may just be me!

HarrySnotter · 21/02/2019 21:42

Oh my goodness @HarrySnotter you all sound vile.

Well @oldowlgirl aren't you just charming. If you had taken the time to read my post properly you would have seen that I said 'they'. I didn't go to the party. I heard these people, supposed friends of this couple, bitching about it in the school playground. It was pretty terrible to hear. I was not a part of it, nor would I ever be.

oldowlgirl · 22/02/2019 10:04

And yet you felt the need to share it on this type of thread - what was your purpose for doing that other than to also sneer @HarrySnotter ? Anyway, glad I've very different friends.

Do what makes you happy Op & congrats on your upcoming anniversary, however you choose to celebrate.

AmbitiousHalibut · 22/02/2019 10:31

We had a great party for our 10th and I don't think people felt weird about it (or maybe our friends and family are super polite!) We did a small meal for family and close friends who had travelled and then had a DJ and plenty of booze for the rest of the night with local friends joining once their kids were in bed. It's just an excuse to party, why not?! I adapted my wedding dress and absolutely loved wearing it again (I was much heavier when we got married). If you want to throw a party, I really don't see why not. You can make it really clear you don't expect presents, you just want to celebrate with those you love.

Roussette · 22/02/2019 10:56

Maybe 10 years is an achievement nowadays? Whereas, it's like a drop in the ocean to me!

I feel gooey and awww when you see a little old couple who have celebrate 70 and even 80 years (there was one last year on the news and they'd been married 80 years, it was so so sweet).

But 10 years?! Nah....

mydogisthebest · 22/02/2019 11:18

If you want to have a party to celebrate your 10th anniversary then have one. I am assuming your friends and family are not like the miseries on here?

Seems almost every poster on mn says they don't buy anniversary cards for anyone (yet the shops are full of anniversary cards to sister, parents, brother etc as well as general ones) as anniversaries are only important to the couple themselves.

Well some of us DO celebrate other couples' anniversaries. I have always bought a card for my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews and a couple of good friends. That, to me, is what normal nice people do.

I knew there would also have to be a post about how having a party must mean problems in the marriage or one has been unfaithful. Same thing is always said about vow renewals.

There are some really nasty mean posters on mn. I am so so glad I don't know anyone like that in my life

Muddysnowdrop · 22/02/2019 11:24

As I married late I would doubt we’ll make any of the big anniversaries, even if we stick with each other! Silver, hopefully! For our ten year next year we are going to go back (with dc this time) to the place we had our honeymoon.

Myusernameismud · 22/02/2019 11:28

I'm another one who's glad I don't know anyone in RL who is like that! I love celebrations, as we have a huge extended family and these days there seem to be more funerals and less weddings/christenings/anniversary parties.

FWIW, DH and I will be having a 10th wedding anniversary party. For various reasons, our wedding was very small and although that's how we wanted it, there are friends and family who we would have liked to invite. So we will have a 'we couldn't have you all at our wedding, so please come and celebrate our anniversary with us' party. And I can guarantee that none of our friends or family will sneer or laugh, or decline because they think it's stupid.

TwitterQueen1 you say it's not sour grapes, but you do sound rather bitter dear. It's neither cringey, nor self congratulatory, any more than 'hey I didn't die, come and celebrate my birthday with me' is.

Roussette · 22/02/2019 11:28

I find that so irritating. You can be a nice normal person and not celebrate other people's anniversaries. It doesn't make you into a monster. As I've explained before, not one of my family, friends or extended circle of friends celebrate others' anniversaries. Only their own. Maybe it's a regional thing or whatever. But we are still nice people, it's just not our thing.

mydogisthebest · 22/02/2019 12:41

Roussette, I apologise for wording my post badly. Of course I don't think that if someone doesn't acknowledge an anniversary that means they are not nice.

It's just that on mn it seems that almost every poster says they don't acknowledge anyone's anniversary except their own (well often they don't acknowledge that either).

Obviously there are going to be people who do acknowledge them and people who don't but judging by just about all the people I know I would say the majority do acknowledge them.

Why would all the card shops have so many anniversary cards if no one were buying them? As I said there are cards for relatives, general cards, cards for certain years such as 25th, 50th etc.

TwitterQueen1 · 22/02/2019 12:53

@Myusernameismud No dear, I'm not bitter in the least. I'm very happy thank you. As I said before, IMHO an anniversary is between the 2 people concerned. They're the ones who made promises and vows to each other.

And again, IMHO it IS self-congratulatory and cringey. That is my opinion. You have a different opinion and that's fine too. I'm not 'wrong', and neither are you. We differ, that's all. So many people on MN seem to be completely incapable of understanding that it's OK to have different opinions...

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 22/02/2019 14:04

By big celebration you mean go somewhere away on holiday together such as Bali or somewhere else exotic. Yanbu.

If by big celebration you mean a self absorbed party where everyone is expected to give you gifts and praise the fact that you have lasted a whole ten years then yes yabu.

Roussette · 22/02/2019 14:30

@mydogisthebest I get what you're saying which is why I wondered if it's a regional thing or something like that. Everyone to their own and vivé la difference!

I sort of imagine I'm letting people down by not acknowledging anniversaries but none of my friends or family acknowledge mine, so it is just not something we do, and that's fine!

The most I acknowledged it with others was on my 30th wedding anniversary. I don't have many FB friends, mostly family that I keep up with. And a few friends who live a long way away. I did post our wedding picture which showed my bridesmaids and a page boy who are all now obviously late 30's early 40s just to embarrass them of course!. They looked so adorable and they were falling around laughing at the pic and offered me congrats then. Then DH and I flew off on a fab holiday.

I wouldn't have had a party, it's just not me, and I know it sounds weird but it's almost like tempting fate and something would go wrong with our marriage if I was so out there celebrating with loads of people.

So that's why it's just not for me and not for anyone I know apparently!

HarrySnotter · 22/02/2019 17:09

Anyway, glad I've very different friends. Well, we can agree on that
@oldowlgirl. My friends would never be so unkind as to make such unpleasant comments when they have clearly picked up the wrong end of the stick. They would apologise. Please don't tag me in again, I shan't read any more of your goady comments anyway.

getback · 22/02/2019 23:04

I have lovely friends and family. They would love to come for a party, even if it meant travelling. I would host them well, the wine would flow, as is customary. They would never sneer behind my back, or call me self congratulatory or cringey. They would enjoy the excuse for a good party with friends. I'm glad I have them and not some of the people I've heard from on this thread.

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