Please make me feel better with your farty stories

[taxiforme]

Aaagh
Did a giant trumple right in the face of my lovely young man chiropractor.. damn you salad lunch.
Make me feel better with your farty stories...I can't face him again.

@elephantina haha that reminds me of the time I had a colonoscopy done (the camera through the bowel that they also pump full of air).
When I went to the toilet afterwards I let out about 500 deafening parps because of all the air they had pumped into me needing to come back out. They had also shoved so much lube up me so the parps came out sending like wet sharts. There was someone in the cubicle next to mine who must have been horrified at the racket my arse was making

Fuck it everyone does it 😂 when I was 16 at college we were sitting outside of our class door waiting and I accidentally let one out in front of everyone ( including a lad I fancied) I went bright red then just turned round and laughed and my friends started laughing too I was mortified but thought it’s not like they don’t fart

I screamed and jumped up presuming that there was actually a giant bird behind me

he "came back up with a centre parting".

HAHAHAHAHA!

Not long after I started seeing my now DH I was trying so hard to impress him and was always a perfect lady around him.

One evening he decided to sneak up on me as I lay on my stomach in front of the TV, and fucking hell did he regret it, I let out a massive fart like a defence mechanism. Like a bloody skunk to scare off a predator.

He was not impressed at all as I rolled about the floor laughing.

this has to be THE funniest thread ever.

Keep 'em coming....

I didn't sneak one out in a crowded aisle at the supermarket. It didn't clear said crowded aisle in 10 seconds flat. Oh no, that wasn't me.... 😂

Omg! Truly laughing out loud at this thread! Must be moved to classics!!

This thread 😂😂😂

I used to usher the kids along in front of me telling them in low voice crop dusting, crop dusting, keep moving. They knew to get out of that isle or suffer the consequences.
Yoga was a guaranteed fart fest, my BFF and I would disovle into giggles, trying not to make a noise (which makes it worse) We got told of and dirty looks

I don't know how many times I've been in tears reading this thread 😆😆

My dear mum passed away a few years ago but it still makes me howl with laughter at the memory of her going to walk in the dining room this one time and stubbing her toe on the step, which then triggered the most thunderous fart I've ever heard 😂 I just sat and watched from the sofa in absoloute hysterics

Brilliant thread 😂

I was half asleep one morning laughing as I woke up. DH was awake and looking bemused asked what I was giggling at

I replied I'd been dreaming and heard a ship's horn.

DH pointed out it wasn't a ship's horn,it was me. Apparently I'd let rip the biggest fart ever in my sleep, heard the fart in my sleep and dreamt I'd heard a ship's horn then woke myself up

DH was utterly aghast and looked

This is so funny. Am in hotel room with DS asleep....I can't believe he hasn't woken with my silent laughing.

I also can't believe there is no one who snapped and farted.....

We were in a museum today and my youngest was letting off drain stinkers. Took ages for oh to believe it wasn't me!

I was at my parents and I let one rip.
My brother smelt it and told my dad he was fed up of him feeding the puppy leftovers, it’s bad for his tummy - he needs to feed him decent puppy food

I could feel the little pup judging me and I swear he’s never liked me since.

Oh dear, I am literally weeping here

I come from a very prim family where using the word fart was not allowed, so now I'm an immature adult I find them hilarious.

I used to know someone who's guts were so rotten, that on one occasion, he let out a big stinking fart that his dog happened to sniff and immediately threw up. It was that bad!

I'm literally crying with laughter

Had to get out of bed and finish reading this in the bathroom because I was laughing too much. Why are farts so funny - I'm 40, surely it's just a bodily function - but no, it's the way you tell 'em.

Anyway, no funny story from me. Worst one I can think of is when I was presenting, could feel something coming but assumed it was silent... Oh no, it was definitely audible to the room. Did my best not to react in the hope they hadn't heard, but I suspect I'm kidding myself... Still, it was noise over smell, so could have been worse, maybe...?

I'm a cleaner and I thought I was working alone (clients were out) I let one go on the landing.. the type that would take your skin off.. I heard the front door open and in my panic I hit upon the idea of holding the vacuum cleaner nozzle in mid air to try and vavuum the smell away.
Don't try it as a) it doesn't work b) you will look slightly unhinged to your client.

Bwahahaaa! Hoovering the smell away! I doubt my Henry would be smiling if I did that! 😂🤣😂

'Is someone changing a nappy back there?!'

Ohgodohgodohgod AIR BISCUIT 😂😂😂

I'm lying in bed absolutely pissing myself laughing at these 😂😂😂

My friend told me about her best friend’s mishap. Out on a hot date, felt a big fart coming so let rip in the noisy bit of a film and followed through. 😩 She was wearing white jeans & did a shuffle of shame during the film to the ladies mid-film, abandoning her date without explanation so she could rush home to change.