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Original poster

Please make me feel better with your farty stories

380 replies

taxiforme · 20/02/2019 00:31

Aaagh
Did a giant trumple right in the face of my lovely young man chiropractor.. damn you salad lunch.
Make me feel better with your farty stories...I can't face him again.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 12/03/2019 07:43

I work in an emergency dept. did this in the ambulance bay. They took three different stretchers into a side room to determine who had crapped themselves on the ambulance trolley. We're all most surprised when the culprit couldn't be found......😳

secretsquirrelthethird · 12/03/2019 08:04

I work in the community, and had just left a meeting and made it to the safety of my car to let rip last night’s fajita fart that had been holding in for the last hour. I have to say it smelt vile, like rotten eggs cooked in methane and was all engulfing, I needed to get moving and open my windows. Before I could start the car a social worker from the meeting came over and tapped on my car window to tell me the date of the next meeting ...... cue opening it about a millimetre and saying “ok I’ll put it in the diary” and driving off so fast I practically wheel spun while she was standing there staring after me Grin

susan82 · 26/03/2019 01:07

Actually crying proper tears and rolling around laughing at all of these stories!! Brilliant!

originallyfromLA · 28/03/2019 09:19

I literally don't have one single story but I'm dying to read more! Come on guys!

Bunnylady53 · 28/03/2019 09:32

I am sooo windy! Always have been! But astonished how snippy some people can get about it. My Dad gets really quite annoyed & says things like “ Who’s been anti social?” & DB is the same. Po - faced! Whereas DH & I kill ourselves laughing over it & even have competitions! Trying to think of my funniest farting story. I was on a gynae ward once & some of us had had a procedure where they pump you full of gas for keyhole surgery. It’s really painful afterwards but passing wind is such a relief. We didn’t know each other but after a while we were like old friends as we were letting rip like good ‘ uns! Hilarious!

peasout · 28/03/2019 13:25

I had a touch of indigestion and took a couple of rennies. A short while later in bed with my husband i was on top of him cowgirl style and leant forward. Unfortunately this had the effect of unleashing what could only be classed as an entire percussion band from my arse, complete with crashing cymbals and a trumpet finale.
Poor man could only croak. ' well, thats my bollocks told Douglas! ' as his weenis tried to climb back to safety.
I couldn't finish for laughing.

Onetraumaatatimeplease · 28/03/2019 14:04

I let a massive one out after I gave birth to DD. I had my legs in stirrups while the midwife was in pole position ready to sew me back up. I was mortified. Still don't know if it was me fanny or me bum trumpet. But I look back and smile (because inside I am a 5 year old and bottom burps make me giggle).

ilovepixie · 17/05/2019 22:32

I had an ECG about a month ago it was quite a cool day And when I walked in the room the nurse said I'll turn the air-conditioning off in a moment. I lay on the bed and the nurse told me to move up the bed a little bit. As I moved up I farted it was silent but deadly. After a couple of seconds smell obviously Hit the nurse she sort of sniffed and said I think I'll keep the air-conditioning on awhile. I was so embarrassed

ilovepixie · 17/05/2019 22:33

Why would anyone wank to a fart!!! If that's the case I must go into business I would make a fortune

CanuckBC · 19/05/2019 20:09

This thread was hilarious!

ISayWhatNow · 22/05/2019 23:11

Bump 😂

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 22/05/2019 23:36

My baby wakes me up with his adult size and volume farts. The bedroom also often smells of stale farts in the morning. It didn't before DS. Everyone says how cute and lovely he is, they don't hear and smell the things I do......

foxandthehound · 22/05/2019 23:52

Howling 😂

mamamilkmachine · 22/05/2019 23:57

I never fart in front of DH but just couldn't hold it in the other night so just let rip, it was loud and lasted forever. I looked at him as I did it and he looked back at me confused and said what the hell was that sound and started looking round to try and work out what the noise was. I almost fell off the bed laughing. My DD aged 2 farted the other day I asked her what that sound was and she replied 'it was just my bum mummy' cutest thing ever.

IcedPurple · 23/05/2019 16:18

I had a touch of indigestion and took a couple of rennies. A short while later in bed with my husband i was on top of him cowgirl style and leant forward. Unfortunately this had the effect of unleashing what could only be classed as an entire percussion band from my arse, complete with crashing cymbals and a trumpet finale.

I'm actually in pain from the laughter!

I guess so long as it wasn't a smelly one..... or was it?

MrsZola · 23/05/2019 16:36

Years ago, doing the secondary open evening visit with yougest DS, I sharted and it soaked through my jeans! Had to quickly tie my ( thank god, washable)suede jacket round my waist and make a hasty retreat. I've no idea how many people noticed, but it was awful. Luckily, had a carrier bag in the car to sit on for the drive home.

Bezalelle · 23/05/2019 16:42

I'd just moved into a new flat, and was a bit windy one day. I spent the entirety of the evening on the sofa reading a book, and doing the most fantastic circus of farts of all types and styles. Just before I was about to head to bed, exhausted from my performance, I heard a delicate cough through the wall, clear as day. Thin walls. My neighbour must have heard every single one of those guffs.

KeyboardCat · 23/05/2019 19:25

I was at work with a lady who had just started, and we were doing some typing with headphones on (medical secretary), just the 2 of us in the office. I needed some files and kind of squatted to retrieve them.

As I did, I let out a very loud, tinny fart which I couldn't stop due to the position I was in. PpppwwwwwwerrrCCHHHH-pth.

'Bloody hell', thinks I, 'thank god she's got her headphones on.. !'

Of course she'd taken them off.

Hopefully she just thought it was a bee stuck in the biscuit tin Blush

Ginfanatic · 23/05/2019 19:36

In the staff room at work, just me and a colleague (best mate) needed to fart and as it was almost break time and the staff room would soon be full, I did the decent thing and went out of the fire door onto the field...looking in at my mate I did the big (childish) wind up with my arm...cocked my leg and let rip..(teachers are sooo childish!) I turned round to grab the fire door to close it, to my horror there was one on the builders who was working on the new build on his phone stood literally 2foot behind me, his jaw dropped. To this day i wonder what he said to his mate on the phone....

Ginfanatic · 23/05/2019 19:41

Oh and another....sat in my garden and let rip only to hear the miserable old git that is my neighbour tut and make a eurghhh noise!!

BellaBellaBelle · 23/05/2019 19:50

Literally crying with laughter on the train reading this thread!Grin

IcedPurple · 23/05/2019 22:12

the most fantastic circus of farts of all types and styles.

Roll up roll up!

Honestly, I'm laughing so much I'm amazed I can actually type.

Differentcorner · 23/05/2019 22:36

Worked as a waitress in a deadly quiet tea rooms, bent over to put scone in front of customer... extremely loud and smelly fart... mortified doesn’t come close!

IcedPurple · 24/05/2019 08:30

Not a good idea to catch up on this thread while enjoying my morning coffee! I fear it could end up all over my new laptop screen, and that would not be good!

MrPebbles · 24/05/2019 09:07

At a family gathering, we were playing charades. The mood was one of alcohol fuelled mirth.

There were too many of us to be seated, so I was on the floor.

My turn duly arrived. As I attempted to push myself up from the floor, my arse proceeded to announce its procession.

Que guffaws of "Ive got it - gone with the wind" 😂😂

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