DP called me a 'fucking liar'

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Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

If you're well enough to post on here you're well enough to stick on a wash.

Oh this old bollocks. Simply untrue.

When he gets man flu do eff all for him.

@EKGEMS to be honest I'm shocked at the responses regarding GF. All I've heard is how serious it is and I was feeling shocked that I woke up with my tonsils less swollen and my glands in less pain today, I was expecting it to go on severely for weeks after everything I've heard. It's strange to hear on this thread that it's not serious and not even that bad! I'd have massive respect for someone who deals with it severely for months which I've heard of!

that's the thing with glandular fever though, you feel a bit better, overdo it and get worse than before therefore you have to really rest up and take a long restful get well break to make sure you build strength and get rid

@Jitterbugz agree! Never understand this. The first thing I do if I'm really unwell is phone, watch something, write etc, to try and distract me from focusing on feeling shit, especially if it's stuff like vomiting, otherwise I just get worked up by it.

The only exception is if I had a migraine, otherwise I disagree.

use your feel better to pack a bag, call your mum and get collected, don't learn the hard way

@BlahXXBlah that's what DM keeps warning me of, to not assume I'm better and then start pushing myself and end up back to square 1.

If you had given me a 'little lecture' I would have told you to fuck off and made myself comfortable in the pub.

Which would make you the knob who went to the pub leaving their young child in the care of somebody who very very sick and contagious, Auslander. Do you never get grumpy when you're ill?

Tell him he's being a fucking twat.

Seriously, he's attempting to manipulate and control you. He's attacking your integrity and being emotionally abusive. You may be in the FOG triad (fear, obligation, guilt).

I appreciate glandular fever makes you feel pretty crap but it usually doesn't require time off work

What utter shite.

My mums friend had it when she would have been......mid thirties I think and she was off work for 3 months in total. When my sister had it she was off for a month and ime went back too early, it took months for her to fully recover and get back to normal.

Sounds like he doesnt like actually having to pull his weight, because the fairies arent magically providing food and getting the washing done. I would be having a long think about being in a relationship with a man who clearly cannot be relied on to step up. What would happen if you got something really serious, or had an accident that left you disabled, clearly he wouldnt be capable of stepping up then either.

There are some nasty posts on here. Your dh should help it is obvious.
Leave him to it, or get some help.
Either way you know there is a very serious conversation that needs to happen between you after this. I suspect this is the first time you have been properly ill since having a child, and he has failed miserably to cope.

Glandular fever doesn't usually require time off work?? Are you kidding?? How ridiculous a statement is that! Glandular fever hits different people differently, even the mild version often requires a week off work. My brother had it for THREE YEARS.. it's serious shit. It screwed him over royally and took him a really long time to recover. Stop being dicks and undermining how ill or not ill the OP says she feels.

OP - your DP was unkind and a bit of a dick for not just getting on with it. He owes you an apology, but on the other hand it is really hard dealing with the kids alone while one's partner languishes in a sick bed. Particularly once you cross the week mark. Chalk this up to stressed feelings and tiredness on his part and try to forgive and let it go. DP needs to get a lot better at doing his fair share of the chores and mental load, this isn't okay.

I had noro virus last week and managed to Mumsnet on my phone lying down. In between being very very sick.

Glandular fever put my colleagues daughter out of action for several months.
So I’ve no idea where all this medically qualified posters are coming from scoffing at how easy it is to have glandular.

If it’s easy for OP to clean the house and cook and take care of a toddler according to some on here whilst suffering glandular fever and norovirus.

Then surely it’s a piece of piss for her healthy P to do the above and go to work, altho he has not gone to work so is sitting around on his arse whilst his toddler is at nursery as he’s not spending the time cooking or cleaning or shopping for food.

Btw I once managed to run a household, ensure my two DC were fed and clean and able to go school whilst suffering slapped cheek. Give me a fucking Nobel prize. Amazingly I knew that some things needed to be done in order for us all to get thro that time.
And even more amazingly nobody told me to do it, and I haven’t had classes or special tutoring on the matter of living!
If I’d had a partner I would not have done anything bar lie in bed. And expected him to get on with it.

My DP actually managed to keep the household ticking over with kids including a toddler and newborn whilst I was ill, nobody ran out of clothes or food and the house was cleaned. And I didn’t need to tell him or give him instructions to ensure all the above was done.

OP your P is a prick. Clearly he needs more practise in housekeeping, maybe you should consider redistributing your individual responsibilities and his can include laundry and food shopping and cooking. Till he gets how the house fairy doesn’t do it all.

I appreciate glandular fever makes you feel pretty crap but it usually doesn't require time off work

What the heck are you talking about?? My DSis had it at 16 and could barely move for 6 weeks!! It completely messed up her GCSEs. She developed Post Viral Syndrome and was weak, picking up every infection for at least a year afterwards.

Actually thats a good point, I would be asking him "If its so fucking easy, why are you not doing it?"

I would be going fucking nuclear.

Is this you again? You only posted the other day about this

OP is ill, she is in no state to go nuclear or have a go or anything at all to do with her domestic situation right now, it will take it's toll. She needs to just push drama off to the side and concentrate on getting better. I hope her mum is a good 'un!

It's a simple solution, he can't abuse you if you aren't there.

Make no mistake picking on someone because they are ill is abuse.

Don't get into it with him. Deal with him when you are better. Just tell him you are going to your mum's til you are better because you are really worried about how ill you are and know that he has enough on his plate without looking after you too.

If he pushes it just say sorry you feel awful and really unwell and just can't talk about this just now. If you can arrange for your mum to come over and get you that would be best, she can help you get your things together and out the door.

He will have to grow the fuck up and get on with it if you aren't there. You will get better, he will learn to be less of a dick, hopefully. Don't give him too much headspace, just concentrate on getting better and expect him to parent adequately in your absence as he would you.

@MissSmithToYou I started a thread yesterday about how he'd been on his games console all day and had left it until teatime to get food in (as I stated earlier in the thread) which is obviously linked to this but a completely different situation and like I also said if you RTFT I am trying to gauge whether I'm being unreasonable when I'm ill.

I appreciate glandular fever makes you feel pretty crap but it usually doesn't require time off work

Ok ill come back and hold my hands up and say I was misinformed. Yes its a shitty illness but the 2 people I know who have it have both come in and done lighter duties so I suppose it does depend on what job you do. Either way I maintain being a martyr doesn't benefit you or him, if you are unwell please stay in bed.

I sincerely hope you are feeling better soon and I know it must be stressful knowing your DH doesn't pull his weight. You and he are really the only ones who can resolve the issues. If you feel he's not doing his part you need to work together to see if that's a issue you can resolve.

All else asside, he said what?!

Sorry but if my partner called me a fucking liar I'd consider it grounds for divorce. Or at least a very serious conversation. You don't say shit like that to people you love, stressed or not. It smacks of resentment so either he is a nasty person or he has grown to hate you and I wouldn't want to be married to someone with either issue.

So all the replies the other day weren't enough? It's exactly the same issue. He's clearly a dick or you're not compatible or whatever.

Maybe you should have a little faith in what YOU think about your relationship? If we all say ' totally normal OP' what then?

Woman up a bit and decide for yourself what your boundaries are

I had GF when I was 19 and it knocked me for 6. Was bedridden for 10 days, very high temp, horrendous tonsillitis, felt like I'd done twenty rounds with Frank Bruno! off work for 5 weeks then went back but with hindsight should have had more time off. I was very weak and tired for a long time and caught every bug going for about 2 years.

My sister had it when she was 19 and carried on doing her course at uni, going out etc. Only knew she had GF after a blood test because she was run down and checked for anaemia.

It hits everyone differently and everyone responds differently - my ExH had GF at a similar age to me but loves to dramatise how he was nearly blue lighted to hospital as he had such a high temperature. he wasn't - it was just that his mum fussed more than mine .

you need to work together

she can't work she is ill, stop calling her names like martyr and tell her to get well soon!

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone thank you.

@Lightofday yes, this was the point of the thread and the thing I was most upset about, especially in earshot of DS and while I was on the phone to DM!

But with regards to you and your OH, whilst he probably should have taken over the washing etc, if you normally do it then he probably didn't even realise it needed doing! I used to find that my H just didn't see the stuff that I did and needed it pointing out. He learned over time but it still didn't come as naturally as it did to me.