DP called me a 'fucking liar'

[username900]

Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

When I had norovirus the last thing I could have done was post on Mumsnet!

@JaneJeffers

If you're well enough to post on here you're well enough to stick on a wash

Someone should have told this one to Frida Kahlo. "If you're well enough to paint internationally recognised self-portraits, you're well enough to stick a wash on.

Are you seriously suggesting you can't be bedbound/bogbound but still able to move your eyes and thumbs???

If he's taking his son out and the child doesn't have any clean clothes surely that's his problem? You're ill so unaffected by the outcome.

No need for a lecture from you. Just allow him to experience that lesson in life.

You know that revelation everyone needs to experience before they understand what washing machines actually do. It's difficult sometimes for people as it takes a while for the penny to drop: if clothes aren't washed they don't get clean.

It's tough on some as they also need to learn they are the ones who need to actually do it.

Your poor husband had to learn both these this all at once.

Though seriously it's (sadly) not an rarity for the imbalance of chores to be exposed when the woman suddenly can't do her usual load. It also exposes how much one partner does that goes unnoticed by the other.

@Leedsgirlfriend

When I had norovirus the last thing I could have done was post on Mumsnet!

When I had norovirus i did little else but post on Mumsnet, in between puking, because I was too weak to do anything else! Seriously, is there no line for you people between 'death's door' and 'nothing wrong'? Between 'can't get up' and 'can't type on my phone'?

My agreement on GF, mine took me out for 4 months. I believe the risk of developing M.E and fibromyalgia increases hugely afterwards.

Looks like the Stupid Pill special offer is on this thread too. Seems to be an epidemic today......

@RedForShort

If he's taking his son out and the child doesn't have any clean clothes surely that's his problem? You're ill so unaffected by the outcome

My DP likes to 'get the most' out of clothes before washing them , so sometimes put my DD in clothes I think are dirty (foodstains, grass stains) and sent her to nursery like that. I give him a ticking off when I see her because it makes her look uncared for and us look neglectful. So it does affect the OP if people see her son in filthy clothes.

Threads like these really do exposes martyrs and those who are so ingrained with the belief that if you can move you fingers you should do household chores and not force the poor husband into realising keeping a family house going takes mundane work.

Names I'm sure if Frida had an automatic washing machine in her day she could have managed to get a load on in between paintings. Drawing water or dragging all your washing down to the river is a bit more taxing.

Ill or not, you're both responsible for those things and both could have done something before it came to a head.

When one is ill and the other suddenly takes on tasks they usually do everyone ends up drained, stressed and moody.

Can you imagine the uproar if this was the OPs DH posting this?

Post of DH “So my DW has been in bed ill for 10 days with GF and has the cheek to say to me on day 10 (even tho she mentioned it several times during this time period) to do DCs washing and get food in?! ME get food in - a grown adult? How dare she ask me to do this, she can quite clearly tell me to do this, surely this means she should get out of her pit and put a load of washing on? I ignore the fact the pile of washing is building up despite dressing my son for the last 10 days and also realising his wardrobe is running low on clean clothes. I can’t believe she thinks I should be a mind reader, so I’ve just lost my temper with her and her lazy attitude! AIBU?”

Every person on MN - LTB or 🚩🚩🚩🚩

I have no words OP. Glandular Fever is awful I’ve been floored with it years ago it took me weeks to get over it, so do rest up and look after yourself. FWIW I dont think YABU, get better soon

My DB had GF and went for the "stiff upper lip" approach advocated by some PPs. He ended up in hospital with jaundice.

I give him a ticking off when I see her because it makes her look uncared for and us look neglectful. So it does affect the OP if people see her son in filthy clothes.

That's a little ridiculous, why are you questioning your partner on this issue? Trust me no Nursery worker is assuming your child is neglected because their t-shirts not pristine. They assume most parents have a selection of clothes worn to nursery as these clothes are more likely to get muddy, food stained and paint on they.

Yeah I noticed a lot of nitpicking and totally missing the point. A grown man shouldn't have to be told to step up when his wife is ill.

But the main issue for me would have been that horrible resentful comment. Like...that isn't normal. And if he doesn't know respect... I doubt that it can be talked it into him. I'd be ofskies, the second I was feeling better.

red I am currently ill as well and I am still managing to care that my dc are clean and eating food!

he probably didn't even realise it needed doing! I used to find that my H just didn't see the stuff that I did and needed it pointing out.

Yes, us poor men simply don't realise. . He could have asked if needed, rather than being abusive.

I find it really strange how many posters think that in the midst of a serious illness the first thing on OP's mind and task list should be to sort out an abusive relationship!

It's like the 1950's threw up all over the thread.

@JaneJeffer

Names I'm sure if Frida had an automatic washing machine in her day she could have managed to get a load on in between paintings. Drawing water or dragging all your washing down to the river is a bit more taxing

Do you know what bed bound means?? Frida Kahlo spent much of her life completely bed bound. She had a mirror stuck to her ceiling so she could continue to paint when for long periods she was unable even to sit up without excruciating pain. Way to miss the fucking point (and display your ignorance).

The point I'm making is, the ability to use a mobile phone /= the ability to stick a wash on. Obviously. Are you still making the argument it does???

He should have a brush in his hands, duster in his mouth, and a mop up his arse. Not like he was interested in the deterioration or doing anything about it, you're the convenient person who he expects to do everything. Rather misogynistic.

I think it's fucking ridiculous when a grown man can't get things done without instructions (My dp is like this) but I would say it sounds like you are milking it. If you can go for a shopping you can't be that I'll, also crying all day because you are in so much pain? Bit extreme

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

The NSPCC don't think it's ridiculous - dirty clothes is the first indicator of neglect on their guide to signs of neglect

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/neglect/signs-symptoms-effects-neglect/

My toddler gets dirty AT nursery, but she goes there clean. If that wasn't the case I'd want them to be concerned.

This thread is insane. Op your husband sounds like a dick. He’s more than capable of throwing a wash in the machine and shopping for a meal, common sense should tell him that these things need doing regularly. It’s his job as much as yours; if you’re ill then it’s 100% his job. I hope you feel better soon x

@Drogosnextwife didn't go shopping(?) and don't think you can comment, I'm someone who never cries and my muscles were so sore, I couldn't swallow and my glands and jaw were so sore. But thanks for your input.

The OP hasn't been shopping! Her partner told her that she was well enough to and to do the various other things he couldn't be arsed doing because he was too busy playing computer games, but she hasn't been shopping.