DP called me a 'fucking liar'

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Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

I would call a cleaner, it is worth the cost to have some clean clothes and the house cleaned. Ask your friends or parents to leave some shopping at the door. Toddler to family or friends for a while.
You could be out of action for a while longer yet. You need more help op.
Make a mental note that you may need more than one back up plan next time you are ill.

I mean glandular fever isn't going to kill you, and A&E is for emergencies.

But OP didn't know she had glandular fever, she just knew that she felt really really awful. I can well believe awful enough to think that something was seriously wrong - you don't need health anxiety for that.

He's not a mind reader, sometimes you really do have to make it more clearer (earlier on) that you would've liked that he had done the washing.

FFS. I'm not a mind reader either, and nor is my partner. We somehow still manage to know that laundry needs doing and our children need clean clothes and groceries.

My dsis was hospitalised with glandular fever. How can some of you say how well the op feels? You are as bad as her dp.

Op, you know how you feel. If you are genuinely as bad as you say then he's an inconsiderate arse. Wait till you feel a bit better then give it to him with two barrels.

@FloofenHoofen definitely don't have health anxiety, like I said, I'm never ever usually ill. The GP did the wrong thing by giving me antibiotics and I'm glad I went to A&E to find out there was something wrong and he then ordered blood tests to find out if liver function etc was okay.

Honestly I don't really understand the amount of people saying I should've been clearer and ask him to do the washing. He's a father and he knows how to work the washing machine. On one hand I shouldn't lecture him as he's not a child but on the same hand I have to tell him step by step what needs done for DS?

But yeah, you're right that I'd have had to do it all myself if I didn't have him and I have a lot of respect for single parents for that reason!

Has your DP been working while also doing nursery runs and everything else childcare related? If so, then I can see why a lecture about clean clothes would cause him to react badly. You sound quite ungrateful, and agree that you could have chucked a load of washing in the machine, and asked him to dry them.

Why should OP have to organise a cleaner, or her friends sorting her out food? Her partner is there and off work too!

Sorry, just seen your updates since I posted. If he hasn't been working then I think you are slightly more reasonable. I still think that no adult should be "lectured".

He's not a mind reader, sometimes you really do have to make it more clearer (earlier on) that you would've liked that he had done the washing.

Or he could perhaps have taken responsibility for his child and realised that he needed clean clothes without OP having to remind him.

but if you didn't have a partner, you'd of had to of soldiered on anyway, by yourself.

Yes, and if OP's huband didn't have a partner, he would have to work, look after his child and get shopping in, clean the dishes and put the washing on regularly without someone having to tell him to do it -which he has failed to do. But then men are never held to quite the same rigorous standards women are, are they?

I moan about DP being a bit rubbish domestically, but I'm confident that if I was as ill as you describe he would try to make things as easy for me as possible, and wouldn't quibble about what jobs were 'mine' or exactly how ill I was.

From the behaviour that you're attributing to your DP it sounds like he's feeling quite bitter about something, and it's making him unsupportive / unsympathetic. Have you been having a lot of disagreements recently?

I think he's being a tit. Does he want a medal for keeping HIS child occupied and making sure HIS CHILD has clean clothes and gets to and from nursery? Who else does he think is supposed to tidy, do a wash etc if you're ill? Why does a grown man need to be told to go food shopping?

And how dare he swear at you and accuse you of lying?

If you've been out of action for ten days does that mean he's been working and doing all the childcare, cooking, day to day stuff? If so YABU to 'give him a little lecture' about laundry. In the time it took you to post here you could've shoved a load in even if he gets it out and dries it. Not because he's a man but because he's been the only capable adult doing everything else for ten days.

If you usually do it, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask or prompt the person who doesn't usually do it, to do the laundry. Yes it doesn't take a genius to see that a load of washing and housework needs to be done and that your partner is ill, so why wouldn't you JFDI but equally I can see that the person not in the habit might not notice. It isn't very productive giving anybody a lecture, and obviously it's not ok for him to call you names. If it's norovirus he'll have it soon enough!

I would call a cleaner, it is worth the cost to have some clean clothes and the house cleaned. Ask your friends or parents to leave some shopping at the door. Toddler to family or friends for a while.
You could be out of action for a while longer yet. You need more help op.

Bollocks to that. She's got a fucking partner! Why can't he run the house and look after the child? Did I wake up in the 1950s this morning?!?

Fuck me. Astounded how many people are defending the OP's husband. However ill she may or may not be, he is equally responsible for his child's clothing and welfare and the family shop. So if she does it 99% of the time, which is the implication if he needs to be 'told' to do it, then it's about time it was his bloody turn.

And regardless of any rights and wrongs - he shouted at her and swore at her, so instantly in the bloody wrong. period.

What is with all the internalised misogyny on MN???

What a prick.

Dexra you're absolutely right, her partner would have had to do this too. Except this is her post not his, so I'm responding to OP. If her partner had come on complaining of the same thing I would have said the exact same thing.
My point isn't about equal rights, or men being held in higher regard, my point is that you cannot just assume that the human being you cohabit with is a mind reader and will do the things you've been sat stewing over for days, waiting until the last minute to say anything, it's a bit late for that isn't it? His point is valid, she should of said something sooner.

And she should stop using A&E diagnosis of glandular fever

A grown arse man with a week off work should be more than capable of looking after a toddler and keeping on top of the housework. OP should not have to tell him that the child needs clean clothes - is it not bleeding obvious that if he's done no washing for a week, clothes will run low?
He sounds like a fucking moron. Calling her a fucking liar is shitty. Next time he's ill OP, tell him to get up and do the laundry and then get his arse to Tesco for the weekly shop!

Can't believe the amount of people having a go at op, he's a fucking adult with a child, he shouldn't need to be asked or told what to do to keep a household running efficiently. Lazy arse.
op Hope you feel better soon.

If you had given me a 'little lecture' I would have told you to fuck off and made myself comfortable in the pub.

bluestitch but it's a bit different when OP decides to stew about it and say nothing until the last minute. He isn't going to know she wanted it done sooner unless she told him sooner.

Honestly some people here seem to just think others are mind readers.

Your work must have a very good sickness policy for you to have had so many days off.

Just over a week! Hardly a massive amount.

A friend of mine had glandular fever, was signed off for a month.

Your husband sounds as like a lazy sod, it takes 2 minutes to put a load of washing on and if he's not at work, he has no excuse. I get the impression he expects you to do all the work.

OP:

Honestly I don't really understand the amount of people saying I should've been clearer and ask him to do the washing.

In your post, I think you said you'd mentioned that your child had no clean clothes, and expected him to do something about it?

I think YABU to expect him to do a load of washing because you commented on how many clean clothes your DC had, and it would have been clearer if you'd said you couldn't cope with washing just at the moment and asked him to put some in.

I don't think it's reasonable for him to refuse to accept that you feel so ill.

@Auslander I'm starting to think 'lecture' was a bad way of putting it - it was more just an explanation of look, it's a bit ridiculous that you haven't done any washing whatsoever when you've been home and you have seen DS is running out of clothes because you're the one putting him in them etc. It wasn't patronising, more just like 'come on'!