DP called me a 'fucking liar'

[username900]

Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

Does he normally pull his weight with housework / childcare? (When you're not ill)

I what world is it not unreasonable when an equal parent to a child can’t/won’t/didn’t even bother to check their child had clean clothes? It’s both parents responsibility to clothe their child; if one is ill, even with just a cold, the other one should be able to pick the slack!

He might have been annoyed but he is as much at fault and probably more so than you. Regardless of what your illness is and whether you’re hamming it up for sympathy.

*Lichtie& I still can't see it on yesterday's posts, only that he had taken a few days off. Nothing about him being sick.

Maybe I need my specs changing.

Truly astounded by the hostility and downright nastiness that has been dealt out to the OP. Thank God some posters have made excellent and valid points 're

1.The bloody awful side effects of GF & NV.
2.The husband sounding like a useless twat.

1. Using fingers to post does not equate to housework.

The OP has tried her very best and she is definitely not being unreasonable but some of you lot definitely are.

@youknowmedontyou
It was intentionally ridiculous, as satire often is. Only slightly more ridiculous than people saying that if you can move your thumb to type on a phone that you're "clearly not that sick". As if people in intensive care don't sometimes spend all day on their phones. Or, as I have experienced, browsing the web while sat on the toilet for hours pissing through their arse from a horrible stomach bug. 👌

@BeanTownNancy oh yeah right! Ridiculous.... as you say!

Ironic though that OP was saying yesterday that her DH couldn't be feeling too unwell to go to the shop if he could mange to play his PS4... Really not that different is it?

Get well soon OP!

I feel your pain OP! I had surgery last week and am now halfway through 2 weeks off work with strict instructions to rest/not lift anything etc. My husband took 2 weeks off work to look after our toddlers and (in his words) ‘be me’ whilst I recouperated.

The house looks like a bomb has hit it. The kids have eaten far too much take away. I had to get out of bed to do washing because when I pointed out that DS only had one remaining clean jumper (twice) he still didn’t load the machine. It sucks.

BUT. He’s doing his best. He’s playing with the kids and taking them out every day and trying to clean during nap times. He’s trying.

I get how frustrating it is that your DH isn’t doing everything you would do. And I don’t think it’s ok that he called you a liar when your being so ill. But it’s a stressful time and if he’s trying his best maybe you should cut him some slack? That’s what I’m doing (whilst taking deep breathes and pretending not to see all the mess)

BUT. He’s doing his best. He’s playing with the kids and taking them out every day and trying to clean during nap times. He’s trying.

FFS! This is why posts like this start..... he's as able as you to clean, sort washing etc.... he is trying......... very fucking trying!

If you usually do it, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask or prompt the person who doesn't usually do it, to do the laundry. Yes it doesn't take a genius to see that a load of washing and housework needs to be done and that your partner is ill, so why wouldn't you JFDI but equally I can see that the person not in the habit might not notice. It isn't very productive giving anybody a lecture, and obviously it's not ok for him to call you names. If it's norovirus he'll have it soon enough!

Sorry - internal misogyny/ whatever- but I sort of agree with this

The house looks like a bomb has hit it. The kids have eaten far too much take away. I had to get out of bed to do washing because when I pointed out that DS only had one remaining clean jumper (twice) he still didn’t load the machine. It sucks.

BUT. He’s doing his best. He’s playing with the kids and taking them out every day and trying to clean during nap times. He’s trying.

Awww, bless his cotton men's socks.

For fuck's sake. If anyone was still wondering why and how women still get hit with the work and the mental load.

Does the house look like a bomb has hit it when you're well? Do you 'try' to clean during nap times? Or do you just, you know. clean? Do the kids eat food other than takeaway? Why the fuck did you have to get out of bed to do washing?!

Bottom line: anyone, male or female, who is capable of holding down a job is also capable of housework and the associated mental load. They just don't want to do it.

If you've got norovirus lick his toothbrush that'll fix him 😈👍🏻