DP called me a 'fucking liar'

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Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

I really don't see why. WHY can an intelligent, functioning adult not think to put on a wash or do some basic tidying or go and buy groceries?!?

I refuse to believe that these men are really that incompetent/idiotic, I think it's more of a case of If she see's that I know what to do, she will expect me to do it all the time........... I truly believe that. I can't understand how anyone ends up married to sexist cunts like that

I feel for you, op, that was unkind of your DH to say that. It sounds like you have had a really tough time. Perhaps when you are feeling better you could talk to DH about his comment, however I suspect that he was feeling hard done by if not used to doing all that you do for the family.

I have suffered from poor health for several years but in between various surgeries/illnesses I work like a trojan full time in a demanding job, and do the majority of household chores. My DH is much more laid back and takes ages to get things done but rarely moans about it and never makes me feel bad about it. He has taken care of me and family for the past 5 weeks as I have been recovering from latest(hopefully final) surgery. Isn't this is what a partnership is about? Working as a team and taking up the slack when need be?

Really hope you are feeling well soon.

stop doing all his washing and cooking but do warn him very early seeing as he expects to be forewarned in plenty of time.

AryaStarkWolf, I agree totally. That was kind of my point. It's strategic incompetence.

@LunafortJest it's a fact that posting an average of every 6 mins over two hours does not mean you're so ill! Ridiculous to expect anyone to think you are so!

You also agreed that OP could shower, that's using energy and whilst I say AGAIN she shouldn't do the washing, if she were to use her energy efficiently she should use it to shower instead.

Still no need for your aggressive attitude towards me, but you're not going to back down on that.

Glandular fever would knock you on your arse for months OP. You likely wouldn't be able to even get to a hospital appt. It's as bad as proper flu.

How about instead of "making comments" you could've just said "Can you put a quick wash on in a sec so DS has clean stuff for the rest of the week". Why drop hints and then act like a martyr - also why have you got to the point where your DH doesn't know that washing is a thing that's supposed to happen

Glandular fever would knock you on your arse for months OP. You likely wouldn't be able to even get to a hospital appt. It's as bad as proper flu.

That's not actually true, glandular fever is very up and down. Some days you can do a bit more than other days. A good friend of mine had it years ago and she managed to get to hospital appointments

Fuck me, as a HCP I despair at the sheer volume of ignorant twats that have invaded AIBU.

Norovirus doesn't render you unable to use your thumbs.

Anyone who thinks Glandular Fever is a short lived illness clearly has never had it, it wipes you out for weeks.

Also, whoever said that lifting your hand and touching your phone keyboard with a finger is the same physical effort of getting out of bed, going to the washing machine, filling it and switching it on needs to give their head a wobble.

Finally, OP, your 'DP' is a lazy dick. Yanbu.

Has he caught the norovirus from you yet? It's so contagious that we all came down with it within 12 hours of each other. I could barely eat for a week as the retching numbed my stomach.

if she were to use her energy efficiently she should use it to shower instead.

Why are you so set on her showering youknowmedontyou? I agree it would be a good idea, but you’re getting very insistent about it.

Today I learned that quadriplegics who only have use of a single finger which they use to type are lazy layabouts who should be putting on their own washing. Because apparently you're only sick if rendered completely unable to type.

OP, your husband was way out of line. Whether or not he felt annoyed by your comment on his parenting he was not justified in swearing at you or calling you a liar. Dick.

@53rdWay if you read my posts they are answering @LunafortJest who was calling me a troll, brain of a goldfish etc ..... that's why!

Is that ok? Or am I not allowed to defend myself and just take her abuse?

Today I learned that quadriplegics who only have use of a single finger which they use to type are lazy layabouts who should be putting on their own washing. Because apparently you're only sick if rendered completely unable to type.

what a ridiculous analogy!!

Or am I not allowed to defend myself and just take her abuse?

right, okay.

I only noticed that you are very, very set on the OP taking a shower, and wondered why you were pressing so hard for this as if it would solve all her problems. Showers are nice but she seems to have bigger issues here.

@53rdWay as I've said previously her DH should be doing the washing (yawn) irrelevant that she's unwell.

Yes I think if you can continually post on MN for two hours, then you are fit enough (with someone around) to take a shower. OP clearly managed two hours without vomiting and seven days without a shower is going to make anyone feel awful. I think a shower could make OP feel a lot better and maybe she could even get her DH to change the bedding whiles she's out of bed,

When would be a good time to talk to him about what he said? Now, or when you are back to strength? What do you want ie him to hear you out, an apology, an
acknowledgement of being abusive and unfair? How likely is it that he will apologise? Will that be enough for you? If this is a pattern or an issue, do you need to work on the relationship (or does he), or might it be more serious (a deal breaker for you).

Your dh is being a complete arse. Sounds like my father when my mother is ill, he will cope for a while but if she isn't better on his timeline then he will pull this. Bear in mind this is a man who was perfectly able to clean the flat he had on his own, do his own laundry and cook for himself when he was working away for months at a time.

My dh can be similar. I've got a broken rib at the moment and whilst he's doing his jobs he's ignored the entire tidying element of the house (well at least the tidying after himself element, the dc tidy after themselves when told nagged). That said this time he's realised this isn't going to be a quick recovery and that I need the help of him in at least that area. Not sure if his boss or MIL had words on that one because I've been trying to do things in small chunks but whichever it was I thank them wholeheartedly. Must have been one of them because his attitude changed after speaking to Mil and somehow he's magicked a day off this half term which he couldn't do before.

Glandular fever and noro are awful enough without being in combination. Or in combination with an arsey dh. Hope you improve soon.

There are loads of people in the world who get out of doing things they don't like by being bad at them. I used to work with a woman who had the reputation of being scatty and unable to organise her own meetings, meet deadlines etc. Our colleagues just said 'Oh it's her personality.' Well, bollocks. She could push the things she didn't fancy on to me and did. She's now very senior in her profession and I bet she still has a PA running around organising things for her.

Only on MN..

Every other post is people on here telling a woman there's no reason her DH can't do the washing or the childcare or the weekly shop and she shouldn't be doing it all. OP has been sick ten days and sounds like her DP has done none of it, and people are saying she should have. While sick. Why can't he have gotten the washing done? If he was a single parent he would've had to. Maybe she's not as sick as she thinks she is (or maybe she is) but there's no reason he shouldn't have been keeping on top of their DC's washing and the shop if he was already aware he was having sole care for DC while his partner was sick and out of commission.

Oh dear, the comments on here are appalling. OP wasn't well for a week and her husband falls apart?

Rtmhwales... OPs husband is also sick. And he has done it, just not all of it. But does it only matter that she is sick?

Some of the replies on here your DP is a grown man and if you're feeling unwell he should be doing more to help you out. Shouldn't even need reminding that your house needs food and washing done! Relationships are give and take, partners shouldn't mind picking up the slack when the other needs it as the favour is always returned.

OPs husband is also sick

He's got time off work, doesn't mean he's sick.

I confess I haven't read every single word OP has posted so may have missed it, but I haven't seen her mention he's Ill too?

StarbucksSmarterSister... She mentioned it on yesterday's thread before the name change. Don't think it suited today's agenda.

Yanbu, hope you feel better soon OP. I've had glandular fever, but fortunately it was before I had kids so I didn't have to look after anyone. It's bloody horrible and it took me a few months to get back to my usual energy levels.