DP called me a 'fucking liar'

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Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

I appreciate glandular fever makes you feel pretty crap but it usually doesn't require time off work. Noro on the other hand I could understand but on the 2 occasions I've had it, I've struggled to move from bed let alone feel like giving someone a lecture. Your work must have a very good sickness policy for you to have had so many days off.

He sounds pretty frustrated exasperated by the fact that the clothing issue had not been realised until last minute and I appreciate that you feel rubbish because you have not been well but if he has been at work all week and you've not been out much would it really have been so hard to stick a wash on?

You work. Why are all the chores your responsibility? Your DP sounds like a twat.

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking nooo, I haven't put a wash on or been to the shop, he said that he thinks I've been well enough to do that (him saying I should've been doing that!)

Haven’t you already posted about this?

Are you generally ill quite regularly or not? Its just I remember my dad being exasperated with my mum because she was often "ill" and just as she'd recovered from one thing she'd come with something else. It was always bad enough that she was incapacitated but she would recover quickly

I appreciate glandular fever makes you feel pretty crap but it usually doesn't require time off work

Really??!! My DH had it years ago and he was floored for over a month and there's no way he could have gone to work. And he's a total stoic.

Gosh, why is everyone being so horrible to the op? And why, ill or not, is it up to her to do all the shopping and laundry anyway, assuming they are both working?

Whether you’re ill or not, it is not your sole responsibility to ensure your child has clean clothes. You’re probably both a bit fed up and didn’t handle the situation very well but at the crux of it is the idea that he is absolving himself of responsibility when this child has 2 parents and that’s unacceptable

@werideatdawn first time I've been properly ill since being pregnant!!!

It sounds like you normally do a lot more than him and he doesn't like having to actually do some housework or parenting. He doesn't sound supportive or kind

You are getting a hard time on here.

Of course your dp should be doing the washing and shopping whilst you are ill. He ought to be doing this anyway, but that is a different thread.

Yes it is a strain when someone is ill, but hardly difficult with just one toddler and for a few days.

I would be livid. This behaviour doesn’t bode well for the future, and swearing at you whilst you are ill is despicable.

I don’t know why anyone is posting to support him. It sounds abusive to me. Ask your mother to come over op.

OP I wouldn't worry about some of these responses, some people just have to be contrary for the sake of it on this board. I guarantee had your DP posted that his partner had been ill all week and he was angry that she hadn't reminded him enough that their child needed clothes and food the same posters now berating you would be calling him a useless toad.

Oh all of you just fuck off. Op should have just told him to do the washing? Really?! He is an adult! Does he not understand clothes need to be washed?! Of course he does.

Op stop being a martyr and just stay in the bloody bed.

Makes you wonder how single mothers cope doesn't it OP. I'm not one but I'm always in awe of them when I'm run down as I have support to help me through.... Which it sounds like you did too.

It depends with the illness. You can always make these things sound better or worse. You say you went up to A&E in the morning, but sounds like they quickly just sent you away so makes it sound a bit more like you are making a drama.
I could be completely wrong and it could be your GP that sent you?

Why would you go to A and E for glandular fever? They’re not going to do anything for you. Pain meds and bed. You can do that at home.

@Springwalk yes, he usually sees it as the dishes are 'his' job and the washing and shopping are 'my' job but while I've been feeling so crappy over the past week, none of it's been done at all!

I think the real problem is that he obviously never normally does any of these things anyway.

What man would go ten days without putting a wash on, tidying up or getting some food in. A man who is used to a woman cleaning, shopping and cooking for him.

You've accepted this so far OP but I would take this as an opportunity to change it going forward. Personally his standards would not be good enough for me but it all depends on what you are prepared to put up with I suppose.

@Nothinglefttochoose I didn't get diagnosed with glandular fever until going to A&E. I'd been to my GP earlier that week who'd basically said it was a sore throat and gave me antibiotics. This didn't feel right at all, I felt shockingly bad and couldn't get back in with GP so went up to A&E.

You're not being unreasonable at all. You both work so even if you weren't ill, why is it your responsibility to notice when your child has run out of clean clothes?

I don't know where other posters are getting the idea that you've popped to the shops etc. Also, it isn't remotely hard to type out a post even if you're very ill.

And no, he shouldn't be calling you a fucking liar. Does he often resort to verbal abuse when angry?

some of these responses, some people just have to be contrary for the sake of it on this board.

I do think its pretty shit of him to not do any household chores aside from looking after the toddler but that's a discussion the Op and her husband need to have. If the op is not happy that he shows initiative or common sense then they need to discuss the issue like adults.

Being a martyr and lecturing him on the other hand is unreasonable hence why I and others have said they could understand his comment about being a liar. The op is either too ill to do these things and should rest or not too ill and therefore his comment has some validity behind it.

In this situation both the OP and her DH are being unreasonable, about different things.

Glandular fever is horrid and you will feel exhausted permanently, combined with the norovirus and I can imagine you feel terrible.

It is not on that he can’t manage the dishes and the washing, and make sure there is some food in the house,

He sounds selfish and pissed off that he is expected to do more housework and childcare.

What if you were to be seriously ill, would be just swear at you every day? He doesn’t sound like a kind or decent man

"DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping."

If he's working full time, doing nursery drop off/pick up and occupying your toddler in the evening/weekends then he hasn't had an abundance of time for shopping, cleaning and washing.

It's just a stressful time all round isn't. You're too poorly to do anything. He's been doing more than usual for approaching two weeks, but it's still not enough to keep the household running as it usually does, and cracks are starting to show.

You do sound a little melodramatic however you shouldn't have to tell your DH to wash clothes for your DS, he's a grown man, can he not see he has no clean clothes and deduce that for himself?

@CloudyTuesday he's actually been off work. He took a couple of days off at the end of last week to help look after DS when he's home and this week is his week off.

Do you have health anxiety OP? Just that, if the doctor wasn't concerned too much, and you didn't believe him and went A&E anyway, it seems like you're overly concerned with your health? I wouldn't have gone to A&E if my doctor hadn't shown any concerns for my health.
I mean glandular fever isn't going to kill you, and A&E is for emergencies.

Secondly, I do hear this quite often, men will get exasperated with their partners because often more than not, she hasn't mentioned the issues until it all becomes overwhelming and it comes out like word vomit. He's not a mind reader, sometimes you really do have to make it more clearer (earlier on) that you would've liked that he had done the washing.

I'm sorry you're feeling shit OP, it's hard going when you have a toddler in tow, but if you didn't have a partner, you'd of had to of soldiered on anyway, by yourself.

I always think if you want something done, you should do it yourself.