DP called me a 'fucking liar'

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Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

There is a differnece between 'freshly washed jeans with lingering paint stains' and 'last night's dinner plastered over her t-shirt'. To me, anyway. DP apparently needs to be told this

Has he apologized for swearing at you, OP?

@Dexra not really, he just tried to go back to normal and ignored what happened and has now gone out with DS.

blaxxblah and I find it curious as to why the poster has clearly wanted advice about an abusive relationship and yet other people are instead, only replying to slag her off for daring to be ill but 'not ill enough'. She WANTS advice on the relationship, not her illness.

Oh and FYI getting out of an abusive relationship when u have a kid...that's a perfectly fair number 1 priority, 1950's or not.

Ok, Springwalk. So you are ill and keep your children clean. Can you please explain the logic that means the OP's husband doesn't need to do anything?

@Namestheyareachangin do you genuinely think your husband will never get to a point where he feels your daughter clothes are dirty. It bothers you because you think other people will think badly of you. Having different standards shouldn't mean one person having to do everything. (Though evidently it does.)

No kidding @MaxNormal

He sounds like a dickhead, as do a lot of other posters on here.

My brother was sick for months with glandular fever. All he did was sleep, got really thin, white as a sheet all the time.

Your dh is a proper prick.

Well, don't let it just go back to normal. Speaking like that to your partner isn't something that should be brushed under the carpet.

If you're well enough to post on here you're well enough to stick on a wash.

If typing on a website whilst in bed takes as much energy and movement as it does to "stick on a wash" something is amiss.

@Redforshort

It bothers you because you think other people will think badly of you.

Um, yes that's exactly why it bothers me. Because as noted dirty unwashed clothes is a classic sign of parental neglect and I don't want nursery staff thinking we are neglecting her. Why is that odd? It's not about keeping up with the Joneses, its about doing the bare minimum to avoid concerns being flagged up by relevant bodies. I know what it's like for families to become 'of interest' to the authorities. I know what it's like to be the child wearing dirty ill-fitting clothes because no-one at home is on top of it or has 'different standards' and being singled out and bullied. It won't be happening to my child.

Shitheel. That’s (some) men/dads for you. Yanbu.

So OP could in theory put a wash on, what’s the dh’s excuse? Is he too ill? No he’s fine and able to care for his ds. But noone told him to do it...oh that’s fine then. Dear god. She tried to tell him to do it anyway without being too directive and gets a load of shit back!

And even if she did drag herself to go shopping which she didnt then it could have taken it out of her so much that she felt even more unable to do the bloody washing!

Actually, both GF and Norovirus are serious illnesses, and combined, would lay you flat for a week or more. I imagine your electrolytes would have been totally out of whack because of the norovirus and glandular fever impairs your ability to fight it at a normal rate. BOTH are highly contagious and you shouldn’t have been hanging out with DS anyway. Next time DH gets MANFLU I think you need to get him a prescription for cement and tell him to harden the fuck up, and go and mow the lawn and take out the garbage or some other “manly” task. He was a jerk.

Good luck, op. You won't get any sympathy on AIBU for being ill with a lazy husband. It's all our fault, apparently.

I can't believe how hard a time you're getting on here OP.

1. To the PP who said glandular fever was not nice but usually didn't require time off work (think it was @headsupthumbsdown), you really need to do your homework. It's bloody nasty and highly infectious and the NHS recommend you stay away from work until you are feeling better as until then you're contagious. I had glandular fever in uni and it basically wrote off my final year. In a year of 188 students, a third caught it and were off for varying periods of time.

2. Why the fuck should the OP have to tell her well fully functioning husband that chores need to be done around the house? That's utterly ludicrous. Surely the thought process should be "wife's in bed, baby has no clothes, I'll go wash them" not allow washing to pile up to the point the baby has no clothes.

I just can't. This post and responses are utterly ridiculous and show every problem society still has.

"You silly ill woman. Why did you not tell your husband that there were things to do. He can't possibly take responsibility for himself or the household. HE'S A MAN."

WTF. OP, of course YANBU.

Haven't RTFT but I have had glandular fever and Jesus Christ, it was awful. I was floored. It's like all the energy just gets drained out of you. Add small child/children and any type of vomiting illness on top of that and yeah, I'd be massively struggling. Can't understand posters who are judging the OP on the basis of "you have time to write a MN post so you can't be that ill"

Hope your DH apologises and hope you feel better soon, OP

Of course glandular fever can warrant time off work. Like many illnesses it can affect people in different ways, and some days can be harder than others. It can also go in for a long long time, and return worse than it has been previously.

Likewise norovirus and other similar nasty bugs. It is very easy to sit and type something in a phone whilst fatigued and ill in bed. Totally different to having to get up, walk downstairs and actually do stuff.

MN these days is so bizarre. It's like people just wait to pounce and criticise and pull people down non stop!

and don't think you can comment

Oh no I really can because you have posted on a public forum asking if YABU. I've had also suffered with it aswell and I know how horrible it is and I certainly couldn't have got up to play with the kids, I was also hospitalised for a night.

I'm sure I had read somewhere that you had done shopping, my mistake.

I agree that your dp sounds like a twat but he probably sees you up walking about, playing with ds etc and thinks you are at it a bit. If my dp was lying in bed crying one minute, and then up arguing with me and playing with the kids the next, I would think he was milking it a bit.

I'm with you, OP. Laundry and housework are not your sole responsibility. You shouldn't have to TELL your DH what to do, he should know and do it himself as the other adult in the house. If you're ill, you're ill. You shouldn't be doing chores, you should be resting.
As for calling you a 'fucking liar', it's disrespectful. I couldn't be with anyone who swore at me. Ever.
Big hugs OP, if you need to rant, please feel free to send me a pm. 💐

Also, you should probably keep well away from your ds, it's pretty contagious.

Ignore @drogo, they have a problem with any woman who dares complain about their husband or something.

I mean glandular fever isn't going to kill you, and A&E is for emergencies

What a ridiculous and frankly dangerous thing to write. And such nonsense is more and more frequently seen in here.

The OP didn't know it was GF at the time. Some places don't have drop in centres. Some areas only do blood tests at the hospital. The OP went to the place where we was able to be treated and diagnosed.

You NO idea whatsoever how the OP felt, what her symptoms were at the time and who, if anyone, advised her to go to A&E.

Had I followed similar advise a few years back, which I now see regularly on MN, I may well not be here.

Unless you are with the OP, know and understand every symptom and can diagnose without tests, you don't have a clue whether A&E was the right course of action at that time.

The point I'm making is, the ability to use a mobile phone /= the ability to stick a wash on. Obviously. Are you still making the argument it does???
Yes that's what I said.

Ok op. You’re right. LTB.

“I gave him a little lecture this morning”

After 10 days of doing everything. No wonder he snapped.