DP called me a 'fucking liar'

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Been really unwell for about 9 days.
Day 1 - Took the morning off work to have an urgent doctors appointment about being so ill but forced myself into work
Day 2 - Off work, unwell and in pain
Day 3 - Forced myself into work again but spent the day having to take myself off to cry because I felt horrific
Day 4 - Up at A&E in the morn, spent the rest of the day crying in bed I felt so awful
Day 5 - Urgent blood tests, bedridden again
Day 6 & 7 - Feeling slightly better. Moderate pain but managed. Tried to stay in bed so I could rest in hope to get to work this week.
Day 8 - Got hit with norovirus bug.
Day 9 (today) - feeling slightly better but still dealing with norovirus.

I've honestly felt horrific.
DP has been good in terms of keeping our toddler occupied, getting him to and from nursery etc, but the place is a tip, no clean washing, and I've had to pester him to get shopping.

I gave him a little lecture this morning. DP is supposed to be taking DS out and I told him that DS had no clothes and explained that when I'm so ill, he really should've been making sure DS at least had clean clothes to go to nursery or out in.
He went absolutely crazy, said

• I shouldn't have left it 10 days to say anything (I've made comments about how DS has no clothes until I've had to go and put them in the machine myself)
• About how there was a time I was lazy and didn't do it and he had to sort it all (true, but it was the few weeks before this illness and I was fatigued and I was putting it down to that)

He then went on about how I was well enough (on day 6&7) to do it so should've been getting off my ass to do it. He started going on about how I've been 'milking' the illness, how I've been well enough to do a shop run and do washing and I'm just trying to make out that it was than it actually was (because he saw me walking round the flat and playing with DS sometimes?) DM then rang in the middle of this rant from him that I'm putting it on, she asked how my norovirus was getting on and I replied 'still bad' (as I've already been up&down to the bathroom this morning) and he laughed and scoffed 'still bad' and then walked off and muttered under his breath (toddler DS was with me), 'what a fucking liar'.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

Sorry - this is a bit more long winded than I'd hoped it'd be!

Bullshit. It takes very little energy to post, and a lot more getting up and putting a load of washing in.

I would disagree,

Massive difference for most people.

Post on MN - lift phone from next to bed, raise arm, use thumb to type and press sent.

Put on wash - get out of bed, go into bathroom, sort a load of washing, pick up and carry downstairs (2 flights in my house), kneel down (or bend) to open washer and put in load, find wash tablet from cupboard, add, and select programme, then go back up flights of stairs.

Now on your average day putting on a wash load is simple. The you are ill with an illness which saps all energy this is a far greater task. Way harder than simply picking up a phone from the bedside and using a thumb to type a message.

@youknowmedontyou There is a big, MASSIVE difference in laying still in bed using only your fingers, you actually washing yourself.

@youknowmedontyou If you disagree that lying flat on your back or on your side in bed, lying very still, no legs or limbs moving and only moving your fingers takes less energy than; carrying laundry baskets up and down, bending over to pick clothes off the floor, bending down to load machine, sort clothes, shake them etc, you are either lacking the common sense God gave a goldfish, or you are trolling. One or the other. Because you cannot be serious.

I've had noro, I think we put on 11 loads of washing because DS had it too. I do all the laundry in our house, DH does the bins, plants, garden. If I was ill I'd expect to tell him if he needs to do laundry because he doesn't do it normally. Likewise I'd expect him to tell me if I need to put the bins out or water plants because I don't do it. There's no need for an argument nor guessing games. If the split of tasks normally isn't fair then that's a different matter.

I do understand where he is coming from TBH.

I had adenovirus a few months ago and it knocked me for six. I couldn't go work, I was practically bedridden with high temperature and eyes I couldn't hardly see out of (had conjunctivitis in both eyes due to adenovirus)

However I still somehow had to do washing, cook dinner and take my DS to and from nursery as my husband had to work as well as do overtime and bring in the money as I was off work.

What I'm saying is: you're not on your deathbed. You can do simple tasks to ease the load off your DH a bit.

Oh and I also had an ear and throat infection which I had to take antibiotics for and eye drops for conjunctivitis in both eyes. Who would look after your child if you didn't have DH?

I understand OP. If this was the other way round he wouldn't need to ask you to put a wash on for DC etc. would he.

However I'm going to assume that you would normally do this sort of thing so although it seems pathetic that you'd have to remind him (not lecture him), that may be what is best.

I must add thought that I find it very insulting of him to call you a fucking liar. He's minimising how you feel and I know how that feels as my DP has done it to me. It's crap.

@ImNotYourToy "However I still somehow had to do washing, cook dinner and take my DS to and from nursery as my husband had to work as well as do overtime and bring in the money as I was off work. "

That is sad that you actually think that is normal. What is obvious is that you have a selfish lazy husband who couldn't even do a load of washing in between watching tv, and obviously cannot even cook dinner, and you don't see that that is abnormal. I feel sorry for you. If you were as ill as you say you were, he is a selfish prick if he didn't offer to make dinner (what, he can't boil eggs or fry a steak or something?). You're a classic example of a woman who thinks cooking and washing is a woman's job. JUST because your husband works full time, doesn't mean he can't shove some clothes into a machine and press start, even on the way to the loo. FFS, WOMEN work full time AND do all that. Why can't men?

Btw, it is completely irrelevant that you say what would she do if she were on her own. You forget she is in a PARTNERSHIP, and hence that is the reason why. By that standard I could turn it around and re-phrase it" "what would your husband do if her were on his own and worked full time and had no one to cook for him or do his laundry?" What would he do if you were in the hospital for a few weeks? Or disabled? If he cannot cook, he is fukking useless. If he cannot operate a washing machine, he is fukking useless. You sound like the OP in that you both have a lazy deadbeat husband who simply leaves everything for you to do. You think it is normal. That's the scary part.

@LunafortJest but she's got norovirus which started yesterday!! Surely she'd still be throwing up, diarrhoea, she's not managed to shower for SEVEN days. How does she even know what washing's been on of who had clothes.

If you're that Ill, with that type of ailment them even looking at a screen hurts and you certainly wouldn't have the energy to type multiple posts to argue with anyone that disagrees with you.

Having said that her DH should be doing the washing etc, but I still feel OP could have a shower.

This is 2019. Am I correct? Or is it 1919. Because some of the posts on here are so horrific and appalling, it is actually scary. If one half of the relationship is sick, the other half picks up the slack. That is how normal relationships work. In the real world. Maybe not in Stepford wife land, but in normal relationships today. I certainly would never boast if my husband was such a louse he made me take our child to kindy or never cooked dinner (that would be expected of any man in today's day), or couldn't even operate a washing machine. FFS, that is EMBARRASSING.

you also need to realise that if you normally run the household, things will slide when you're out of action.

I really don't see why. WHY can an intelligent, functioning adult not think to put on a wash or do some basic tidying or go and buy groceries?!?

@AmIOTTconcerned OP has posted 20 posts over the course of two hours, I think we can safely say the norovirus is on its way out.

My previous post about her DH spins the washing etc has nothing to do with her illness, it should be the norm!

And no I'm not a troll or have the brain capacity of a goldfish but thanks for throwing your insults.... because god forbid I have a different thought to yours!

@AmIOTTconcerned apologies the previous post I tagged you in error! I'm
Sorry!

It was for @LunafortJest

@youknowmedontyou "How does she even know what washing's been on of who had clothes."
When the husband brings the baby in to her or when the kid walks into the bedroom to see mum? Or when on the rare occasions, she ventures down to see her son for a few minutes before going back to bed? Or get some water?

"If you're that Ill, with that type of ailment them even looking at a screen hurts and you certainly wouldn't have the energy to type multiple posts to argue with anyone that disagrees with you."
Absolutely wrong!! As many have said, everyone's situation is different. You don't seem to understand how you respond is not how everyone responds. And as many have also said, it takes next to zero effort to move a few fingers. If you can't sleep from throwing up so much, lying in bed staring at nothing can be awfully dull. It takes zero effort to use your fingers while your body is entirely still.

@LunafortJest but I'd be surprised for someone so sick to be able to even stay awake for two hours........

How did you get your diploma in norovirus knowledge?

Good old mumsnet, people thinking they are drs and trying to diagnose you.

OP your husband is an insensitive areshole. He should be looking after you, your child and the household. Not throwing tantrums because your not well enough to do chores.

@youknowmedontyou If you are expecting us to believe you genuinely think carrying laundry baskets off the ground, bending over the pick up clothes off the floor, etc is less work than your entire body staying still except for your fingers, you must be trolling or not the full quid. NO ONE would say that laying in bed using only your fingers is the same as all that I said above re laundry. Because it is simply common sense. It is not rational to deny it.

@youknowmedontyou "but I'd be surprised for someone so sick to be able to even stay awake for two hours"

You clearly have never had the virus, I can see that now. When you are sick with it, you CANNOT....SLEEP. You are too busy throwing up or on the other end, it keeps you awake. You CANNOT sleep. That is the whole point.

Maybe go away and actually get someone to explain how gastro like that bug works, ask them if they can stop throwing up long enough to start drifting off.

@LunafortJest

Op had been to work, had been to a&e. She's clearly on the mend after the norovirus.

As all of my posts say, whilst I think she could do the job she shouldn't. Again not just because she's sick, but because it needs doing and her DH can do it.

I still maintain a week without a shower Is not good and with her DH I believe her energy that could be used to put washing on should be redirected to showering, to make her feel better.

Yes, she should try and have a shower, I agree with that.

Maybe go away and actually get someone to explain how gastro like that bug works, ask them if they can stop throwing up long enough to start drifting off.

But you can post 20 times in two hours.... yeah an average of every six minutes, but you are continually throwing up during that time but can't sleep!

OPs been ill, is on the mend, needs to get up shower and try to get her strength back.

Yes, she should try and have a shower, I agree with that.

As I've been saying all along, but you just ignored that and RANTED away, calling me a troll, telling me I had the brain capacity of a good fish, telling me to go away and find out how a virus works (like I don't know)

You MIGHT care to read people's posts before you INSULT, SHOUT and carry on!

I DID read your posts. Hence me pulling you up on the strength needed to lie in bed vs doing the laundry. And yes, I did say if you genuinely believe that they both require the same energy, then that would be like not having the brain capacity of a goldfish. That is quite obvious. No one would rant, over and over like you did, that laying in bed not moving anything except fingers is the same energy level as going up and down with laundry baskets and picking up clothes, sorting them, and bending over.

No one except you. Maybe you might actually care to remember what you posted, before telling others to.

@LunafortJest you have no right to pull me up on ANYTHING! OP posted asking AIBU and I gave MY view. MY view is different to yours, that's life! But name calling insulting me was not required by you. Are you always that aggressive over difference of opinions?

@youknowmedontyou But it is not about 'opinion'. It is about FACT. It is a basic fact of law of physics that lying in bed takes less energy than walking up and down stairs with laundry baskets, bending over, picking up clothes, sorting them, shaking them out, then bending over to put laundry in the machine. That is PHYSICS. It is a basic fact. It is not something you can have an opinion on, even if it is only because you're too stubborn to admit you're wrong. That the laundry takes more effort than lying down is not up for opinion or debate. It is a fact. Neither either you understand that and are trolling, or you don't.