Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable to expect DD dad to take her to audition and miss sons football once?

265 replies

Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 08:50

Hi, I have a daughter with my OH and he also has 2 children from previous relationship. Our daughter does various activities one of which is dance. This weekend DD has an audition and I am unable to take her as had a spa day booked for a friends birthday well before audition came about, yet due to a day change on the fixture it now clashes with my step sons football match. My other half refuses to ask his ex to take their son to football so he can take our DD to audition. Am I wrong to think he is totally out of order? Our DD has 2 parents and my OH never shows any interest in what she does and football takes president over everything, my step son has 2 parents so would it be so bad if his mother took him on this occasion? Now I either have to ask my dad to step in or miss the spa and lose the money I’ve paid.

OP posts:
dontdoubtyourself · 19/02/2019 13:26

The focus is too much in who your dh is putting first. Surely if they were both yours, the focus wouldn't be on who comes first but how to make sure they both are happy and doing their activities. If thats the gf taking your dd so be it. They both get to do their activity. Instead you seem hell bent on your h doing it. And your ss missing out just to prove he is putting your dd first? That's madness.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 13:27

SS doesn't have to miss out.
He can go alone, with a friend or with his mum.

DD's activity came first chronologically.

CheshireChat · 19/02/2019 13:39

I'd actually spell it out- you are favouring your son to the detriment of your daughter, how are you going to fix this.

Lichtie · 19/02/2019 13:40

"DD's activity came first chronologically."

Did it though. Or did DH agree to go to the game first. The fact the game changed is not DSS fault I assume.

I do sympathise, but the fact is in this situation whatever he does some people will say he is wrong. He has to let someone down.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 13:45

The day was booked first. DH agreed to do an activity on X day at Y time with DS.
The fact the day changed is no ones fault. But unfortunately now means that he can't honour that as he has made prior commitments.

HoptoitDufflepuds · 19/02/2019 13:49

The dh also needs to be the one to tell his daughter of the change to arrangements and her grandad taking her instead, if that's what happens. So he can deal with any questions as to why.

I would say he has to make alternative arrangements for his daughter but I suspect they will be along the line of missing the audition and watching her brother play football instead.

dontdoubtyourself · 19/02/2019 13:50

Favouring son? He didnt see him last weekend, cancelling on him this weekend.. He lives with his dd.

RiverTam · 19/02/2019 13:51

while all this screeching was going on everyone seeemed to miss this from the OP's first post:

my OH never shows any interest in what she does

you have an OH problem.

Juells · 19/02/2019 13:54

while all this screeching was going on

Oooh, I love a bit of screeching, can you point us towards it?

dontdoubtyourself · 19/02/2019 13:57

Its not ok to ask ss mum when she had him on his time last weekend.

Somethingsmellsnice · 19/02/2019 14:01

YABU - he has a long standing commitment to his son ie. It is his thing he does with his son. The message you are trying to send is that your DD is more important than his son. If the audition is that important you would be skipping the spa day anyway. If it isn't then why would asking a grandparent be an issue.

You are trying to say DD is more important than his other child.

Youseethethingis · 19/02/2019 14:21

OP - you can never ever make any plans. You must always be available, just in case. In the event that your DSS schedule should change, you now know that your daughter will be immediately let down if you were inconveniently and unreasonably unavailable. Your OH has unilaterally decided that you do not operate as a team in this area. Do not rely on him doing what he agreed to do in future, because he will leave it to you to sort it out or cancel the above mentioned inconvenient and unreasonable plans.
The above is entirely reasonable according to Mumsnet.
Flowers

Juells · 19/02/2019 14:24

he has a long standing commitment to his son ie. It is his thing he does with his son.

Yes, that's putting it better than I was able to.

This is a completely unnecessary drama, with posters accusing the father of being an arsehole for wanting to take his child to a football match as he usually does. If the audition was that important the OP would cancel the spa day.

wineandroses1 · 19/02/2019 14:25

Gawd - there are some right twats on this thread!

Op you are not being unreasonable! Your 'D'H needs to stick to his commitment to his DD and not dump that commitment because he'd rather watch DS play football. Do not cancel your Spa day. DH needs to sort this out, and if he does that by dumping DD onto your dad, then I would seriously consider what impact this will have on DD and on your relationship with no-so-DH.

CoolJule43 · 19/02/2019 14:29

Well as your DP could ask his ex to take DS whilst he was out of the country, I can't see why he can't ask her this time.

Could it be that it was only recently that he asked so doesn't want to ask for her help again so soon?

dontdoubtyourself · 19/02/2019 14:30

@Youseethethingis thats hilarious! Let's add to it. Ss mum cannot ever make plans and must be on call for when op and h fail to make simple adjustments to ensure all activities occur and instead make mountain out of mole hill.

RiverTam · 19/02/2019 14:33

so you're still ignoring the OP's opening statement that DD's father takes no interest in her, Juells? And his commitment to the football is based on the match taking place on a particular day - which has changed.

The man's a prick.

Purpletigers · 19/02/2019 14:36

Ask your dad .

Purpletigers · 19/02/2019 14:37

If your boyfriend doesn’t take much interest into your daughter then why are you together? Make sure your next one doesn’t have children .

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/02/2019 14:39

If I were you, I'd ask your Dad so your daughter can go and then deal with your DH problem.

He obviously doesn't want to go whether he hates dance or 'girly things' I don't know however he doesn't care about your daughters interests.

I don't think I've seen anyone ask - you mentioned he's got another daughter. Does he or has he ever done anything with her oor taken any interest in what she likes to do?

Butterymuffin · 19/02/2019 14:44

he was out of the country last weekend with friends and had no issues with asking her to step in then.

Right. Well he's being shit then.

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 14:51

What an idiotic comment to make! It’s not my daughter it’s OUR daughter!!!!

OP posts:
RoseAndRose · 19/02/2019 14:52

Or just thinks that two weekends in a row is too much to ask, ?

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 14:52

She doesn’t attend any clubs or participate in any out of school activities.

OP posts:
Laslo · 19/02/2019 14:57

Audition aside, what are his plans as to who should look after his 6yo now he’ll be out at the football - is he planning on taking her with him?

This is his logistical issue to sort out, but he’s doing so based on his own interests/enjoyment by the sounds of it. If you were away when the scheduling happened, he’d have to sort it out. If his solution would be to abandon your DD going the audition at all, then he’s arguably a shit.