Am I unreasonable to expect DD dad to take her to audition and miss sons football once?

[Nmum09]

Hi, I have a daughter with my OH and he also has 2 children from previous relationship. Our daughter does various activities one of which is dance. This weekend DD has an audition and I am unable to take her as had a spa day booked for a friends birthday well before audition came about, yet due to a day change on the fixture it now clashes with my step sons football match. My other half refuses to ask his ex to take their son to football so he can take our DD to audition. Am I wrong to think he is totally out of order? Our DD has 2 parents and my OH never shows any interest in what she does and football takes president over everything, my step son has 2 parents so would it be so bad if his mother took him on this occasion? Now I either have to ask my dad to step in or miss the spa and lose the money I’ve paid.

Depending on the timing of course, maybe you could have cancelled your spa day. Maybe that's in your OH's mind as well.

Why should OP cancel her spa day. She has clearly said that it was booked months ago, it's for a friends birthday (therefore it's not just her popping off to the spa on a whim, it's an organised event) and she has paid for it too and shouldn't have to lose money and miss out on a once in a blue moon event just because her stepson's plans have changed last minute.

There is no reason the stepson's mum can't take him except that the dad WANTS to go and doesn't want to go to a dance audition so is thrilled at the chance to dump it.

Depending on the timing of course, maybe you could have cancelled your spa day. Maybe that's in your OH's mind as well.

It probably is on his mind, because he sounds like a bit of a dick, but there is no reason whatsoever the OP should feel compelled to do so, based on the circumstances.

Don't get involved. DH is looking after the kids that day as you are away. Let HIM sort the logistics.

I guess the worry is he'll just let her miss the audition and take her to the football with the son?

DH is being a dick, and your DD will soon start to notice if she hasn’t already. A scenario like this was starting in our house, with DH ferrying our DS to his activities/matches etc, and me taking DD. Fortunately DD is a very forthright little thing and asked DH why he never took her anywhere!!! To give DH his due, it wasn’t intentional, it was just a routine we had slipped into, but now we ensure we alternate and both give DC equal attention.

And to those who think OP is being unreasonable and contact should never be changed under any circumstances, what if it was the other way round? What if the arrangement was that dad always took DD dancing, but DSS’s cup final match fell on the same day and his bio mum was unable to attend. Obviously dad should miss because he always attends dance with DD, no? I mean, why can’t bio mum could just ask her DF to take him instead or even cancel her well planned in advance arrangements....

Lua - for it to be even more comparable it would be the dad always took dd to dance class on a Saturday and he was also due to take his ds to his cup final on the Sunday but then the dance teacher decided to change the day of the dance class after it was all arranged.

I said it was depending on when everything was arranged. The spa day might have been arranged a long time, but maybe the right answer was "sorry DD, you won't be able to do this". Or maybe another friend or family member could help. Just saying.

As the football has changed date to cause the clash then yes your DD's audition should come first.

This thread has been a frustrating read. So many women projecting onto op with a massive dose of being unable to read.

Op, you have a husband problem.

You dsd might not do any clubs, but what quality time does your dh spend eith her?

Why should the dd be told you can't do this when it was arranged? It was the football time that changed so one of the boys parents should make arrangemts to cover it or tell the boy he can't attend

Hope you enjoyed the spa. Did he take her?

You're a bit late to the party @StormSpirit