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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable to expect DD dad to take her to audition and miss sons football once?

265 replies

Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 08:50

Hi, I have a daughter with my OH and he also has 2 children from previous relationship. Our daughter does various activities one of which is dance. This weekend DD has an audition and I am unable to take her as had a spa day booked for a friends birthday well before audition came about, yet due to a day change on the fixture it now clashes with my step sons football match. My other half refuses to ask his ex to take their son to football so he can take our DD to audition. Am I wrong to think he is totally out of order? Our DD has 2 parents and my OH never shows any interest in what she does and football takes president over everything, my step son has 2 parents so would it be so bad if his mother took him on this occasion? Now I either have to ask my dad to step in or miss the spa and lose the money I’ve paid.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 19/02/2019 11:12

It’s not your child vs mine - it’s you have a commitment to your child, it’s up to you to arrange something for your other child

I agree, as I said.

And come on! You can’t see the agenda here? If it’s a tired point of view maybe that’s because it happens All. The. Time

Oh good, the excessive use of full stops, just to prove you really mean business Grin.

IME on MN, it isn't the step-mother hating hive that a very vocal view would have you believe.

IvanaPee · 19/02/2019 11:14

That’s a bit childish, is it not? Seriously.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/02/2019 11:20

IvanaPee

Quoting and not putting forward an opposing point "how rude".

She is moaning about the football.

If the OP had included all the information at the beginning she would have got substantially different responses.

Santaclarita · 19/02/2019 11:24

Why are people on here being so dim today? Its clearly obvious this is the dhs problem with taking his daughter to her audition and wants out of it to do something more fun with his son.

He is a twat. The ex can easily take her son to football, that's what you do when you're a parent, you parent. He had already made arrangements to take his daughter. There is a last minute change to football so he drops his daughter and chooses his son instead. His choice. Not the ex, not the op, his.

He is a bad parent to his daughter and doesn't care enough to take her to her audition. I would make him tell her, don't you tell her a thing op, it comes from your spineless twat of a husband. And he can make arrangements to get her to her audition as he was meant to take her anyway. He is an adult, not a child. He can make the arrangements.

Quartz2208 · 19/02/2019 11:26

Exactly this isn’t a step parenting issue it’s a man favouring his son and football over his daughter

camelstraw · 19/02/2019 11:31

I by that logic, Quartz the issue is also the mother putting friends above her DD.

The OH always does the footie and the match is important.

The OP does the ballet and the audition is important.

Unexpected clash comes up, so OP as parent-in-charge-of-ballet sorts it. Her Dad seems to be the obvious choice.

Catinthetwat · 19/02/2019 11:31

Op its clear to me (and has been from the start) that your dp should take your dd to dance. Yanbu!

When asked can you take ds to football on Sunday this week? Answer = no.

There's no other way this should have gone at all. You can't change out on a 6 year old, how awful and very sad that he would want to.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/02/2019 11:33

Could you ask the ex yourself?

Then present a fait accompli to your DH.

Wont end well though because this isnt about football or step parenting but the fact that your husband is a selfish dick who doesnt seem to care very much about your DD (or indeed you if he is happy for you to lose your preplanned day off).

Quartz2208 · 19/02/2019 11:34

Camel I thought so too at first but I get the impression he simply doesn’t want to do it

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/02/2019 11:36

Has there been a special offer on Stupid Pills this week?!

2 kids who have to be places.
2 parents who are available to take them
1 parent takes 1 kid each... problem solved.

But no, lets makes this about the OP being a shit step mother who loathes her step children, wants her DD to be Queen of the Hill and should facilitate her husbands frankly shocking attitude to his daughter by getting her own dad to do the parenting jobs.

Fuckwits.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/02/2019 11:36

Could you ask the ex yourself?

I don't think that's a good idea at all, I say that as a step parent and as the mother of a child with a step dad. I would be really annoyed if my DH contacted my ex to rearrange stuff with our DD without telling me......he would never do that though. It's way over stepping the mark

Lichtie · 19/02/2019 11:36

“Nmum09

It is not DH weekend, we have access every weekend so it’s not an inconvenience or change of plans. My point is both DC have 2 parents who are able to take the children places, if I’m not available for our DD I need DH to step in and if DH not available for DS then surely his mum should be asked to step in?“

So everyone should step in and change plans... Except you. Your DH is unavailable, why don't you step in and change your plans. Go to a spa a different day and enjoy your DDs audition if it's so important.

Handsfull13 · 19/02/2019 11:40

Ok so if you ignored the step child factor and the chance there is another parent available to help out.
If your husband told his daughter he was taking her to an audition then suddenly his sons football is moved and he chose football over an audition he already committed to we would be unanimous in him being a twat.

You have the solution, first he asks his ex if she is free to take step son and if she isn't then you ask your dad if he can help out.

In regards to telling your daughter daddy isn't taking her, that isn't your job it's her fathers.

JacquesHammer · 19/02/2019 11:41

2 parents who are available to take them

Has the mother actually been asked though. A lot of this angst would be avoided if she has!

ADarkandStormyKnight · 19/02/2019 11:42

Spa day is with friends, booked and paid for! Would you cancel a weekend with friends when it was entirely avoidable?

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 11:44

Well ido apologise, this is my first ever list and wasn’t aware there were rules on content.

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 19/02/2019 11:45

But no, lets makes this about the OP being a shit step mother who loathes her step children, wants her DD to be Queen of the Hill and should facilitate her husbands frankly shocking attitude to his daughter by getting her own dad to do the parenting jobs.

A fair summation, I think.

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 19/02/2019 11:45

So everyone should step in and change plans... Except you. Your DH is unavailable, why don't you step in and change your plans. Go to a spa a different day and enjoy your DDs audition if it's so important

Why should Op miss out and lose money because her DH is being a twit and is ignoring the fact he has a prior commitment to his daughter? Sunday is DSS's mum's day so why on earth wouldn't she be the natural choice to take him to football given that DH is busy, other than the fact DH is playing favourites between his children and their hobbies?

AryaStarkWolf · 19/02/2019 11:47

Why should Op miss out and lose money because her DH is being a twit and is ignoring the fact he has a prior commitment to his daughter? Sunday is DSS's mum's day so why on earth wouldn't she be the natural choice to take him to football given that DH is busy, other than the fact DH is playing favourites between his children and their hobbies?

Yeah with all that extra info, the DH is definitely BU here

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 11:47

You’ve hit the nail on the head there!

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 19/02/2019 11:50

Nmum09

Has DSS' mother been asked?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/02/2019 11:56

If you are such a happy blended family then surely you can say to DD sorry darling but your brothers football has changed and is on the same day. Grandad cant take brother to football but he can take you to your dance so daddy will have to take brother to football. Nobody needs to feel less important.

Comefromaway · 19/02/2019 11:57

And also an 11 year old's football is likely to be at a more serious level than a 6 year old's audition.

Dreadful attitude. At age 7 my daughter was dancing in her first professional show with a touring Russian opera company. An opportunity she only got becasue of her dance school classes. At 8 she was auditioning for pantomimes, got her first pro panto at 10 and then the child lead in a musical a few months later.

We have had situations whereby one child was booked into something important such as ds having a theatre show audition and then dd wanted to be somewhere else. The audition took priority as it was booked first.

Nothinglefttochoose · 19/02/2019 12:10

He needs a serious talking to. My dad did this. Never came to watch my sports but fell over himself to attend my brothers football games, sports tours, trials etc. it still annoys me.

CoolJule43 · 19/02/2019 12:20

Nmum09
My other half refuses to ask his ex to take their son to football so he can take our DD to audition.

Did he give you a reason why he won't ask her?

You don't sound as if uabu BUT when Sirzy puts it the other way around, you do sound unreasonable. It's a difficult one. I'd ask dad on this occasion and he will probably really enjoy seeing her dance audition.

Maybe going forward you should alternate accompanying your DC so they get both Mum and Dad's input and support with their activities.