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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable to expect DD dad to take her to audition and miss sons football once?

265 replies

Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 08:50

Hi, I have a daughter with my OH and he also has 2 children from previous relationship. Our daughter does various activities one of which is dance. This weekend DD has an audition and I am unable to take her as had a spa day booked for a friends birthday well before audition came about, yet due to a day change on the fixture it now clashes with my step sons football match. My other half refuses to ask his ex to take their son to football so he can take our DD to audition. Am I wrong to think he is totally out of order? Our DD has 2 parents and my OH never shows any interest in what she does and football takes president over everything, my step son has 2 parents so would it be so bad if his mother took him on this occasion? Now I either have to ask my dad to step in or miss the spa and lose the money I’ve paid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 12:30

You don’t have parents ‘in charge’ of certain activities! As parents we parent and we do what is nessesary for our children! To say you have certain roles that you cannot step outside of is obsurd!

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 12:31

YANBU. He made an unchangeable commitment to your 6 year old daughter.
The sons activity changed and unfortunately clashes. This sucks for him. But It can easily be explained that while this is disappointing for him the times are not workable.
He can ask DSS mum but otherwise he should adhere to his commitment to A SIX YEAR OLD.

I wonder how differently this thread would have gone OP if you'd simply put your son and daughter.

Laslo · 19/02/2019 12:31

An audition can be nerve-wracking. The DD is 6 and it’s her first. She deserves to have her Dad there as was arranged. Good god then to gave some special one-to-one time.

Surely the DS himself would understand? It’s his little half-sister, it’a a one-off and it was a prior arrangement. He’s 11 with team-mates and a regular event - much easier to arrange someone else to take him if his mum can’t.

It’s irritating that some people seem to think the OP is being a princess wanting to do her spa day - conveniently forgetting it’s for the OP’s friend’s birthday and sounds like the OP may have arranged and paid for the dag as a present. That’s a long-standing commitment to someone else. Also, the OP, despite being a step-mother, is allowed to do something for herself now and then you know.

Bottom line - this seems to be about the activity not the child.

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 12:32

He won’t ask her because he likes to take DS to football no other reason, he was out of the country last weekend with friends and had no issues with asking her to step in then.

OP posts:
Laslo · 19/02/2019 12:33

Complete autocorrect fail - instead of God coming into it, that sentence should read “good for them to have some one-to-one time”.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 12:34

No offence I can't imagine the audition being the most fun on earth. But she's 6 and this must mean so much to her!
Sometimes I do sports, concerts etc and they are so Boring. Cold. Uncomfortable.
But seeing how happy my kids are is enough for me to suck it up!

What gender is the Third child?

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 12:34

You’re so right but everyone wants to jump on the wicked step mother bandwagon 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 12:35

The 3rd child is a girl aged 13

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 12:46

Does he do much with her?
Do you think this is a gender issue?

The Golden child holds the Golden bits?

HalfBloodPrincess · 19/02/2019 12:47

Why is it down to Op to sort out alternative arrangements? She has plans that day and had already arranged for her OH to take their daughter.
Her OH has ‘double booked’ himself, he should be the one sorting out the mess, which morally should be arranging someone to take his DS to the football match as he had firm plans in place first. This shouldn’t be a step kids vs resident kids issue. He should be teaching both his children that you don’t bail out on something you’ve committed to if a ‘better offer’ comes along

IamaBluebird · 19/02/2019 12:47

If he asked when he was away with friends then he could ask again to take your dad to her audition.
Still don't see how the man you describe as a good parent and part of a happy family can be screaming about getting his own way.

IamaBluebird · 19/02/2019 12:50

Dd has morphed into dad. Don't think your dad has an audition, sorry.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/02/2019 12:51

The 3rd child is a girl aged 13

Was wanting to ask what Contraceptionismyfriend did there when I asked the gender of the other SC. If it's a case of only being interested in his son that's really bad form. I'd be disgusted by that actually

Santaclarita · 19/02/2019 12:52

Dread to think how some people on here parent their children based on the responses. Poor kids.

Waveysnail · 19/02/2019 12:53

I get it. He needs to sort this out buts he's not. He could ring ex, arrange a lift for ds from a team mates parent

DontCallMeCharlotte · 19/02/2019 12:56

I wonder how differently this thread would have gone OP if you'd simply put your son and daughter.

I thought that for a split second but then remembered there would be no ex to ask!

How did he first address it with you OP when the fixture change came up?

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 13:01

Response was well I have to take DS to football

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 19/02/2019 13:03

see that is your issue Nmum09 he should have said this has happened and I am suppose to take DD to an audition

How is he with his 13 yr old DD does he spend equal time with them

Greggers2017 · 19/02/2019 13:07

Stop being a t*at and ask your dad to take your daughter that way nobody misses out.
You're making a non issue into a big issue.
Your daughter won't care as long as she is dancing. I know my dd never did at that age especially when with her friends.

timeisnotaline · 19/02/2019 13:08

So he will happily ask ex to take ds to football so he can go away but you can’t go on a spa day as he won’t ask ex to take ds so he can parent his daughter? Does he parent her well otherwise? Because it sounds shit. I would tell him he had a nice weekend away, you’re sorry parenting his daugher is boring but maybe he could try and hide that a little more and to work it out as I’m away, it’s not my problem. and that he should probably look into counselling for our relationship if something goes wrong and dd doesn’t get there as it will be very shaky at best.

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 19/02/2019 13:09

His penis mean that he can only do the football things unfortunately. I'm afraid you with boobs must cancel your plans and take the female child to the female boring shit because penis owners shouldn't be expected to.

Man's wants come before women's needs I'm afraid. The fact that it was arranged and AGREED that he was taking HIS daughter to the audition becomes irrelevant when manly hobbies became an option instead.

YABU to not realise your place. Silly female.

Original poster
Nmum09 · 19/02/2019 13:10

Do not call me a twat! I don’t expect everyone to agree with me but is there any need for that!? No so bore off you keyboard warrior!

OP posts:
lunar1 · 19/02/2019 13:11

I don't understand the responses on the thread. None of the situations are vital or an emergency so whatever was booked in first should be his priority. Your husband is an idiot!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 13:14

Why should the OP ask her Dad? She has no problems. She is going to a spa!

Her husband however has multiple problems. But as a fully capable father of three they should be extremely easy for him to solve with no drama.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 19/02/2019 13:24

If DSS's Mum was supposed to have him on Sunday then that should stand.

At 11, he should be able to go to football with another team mate.

We have three children, two parents, and often have to make arrangements for other people to take them to sporting fixtures and we often accompany other children