Pretty is the same as tall?

[reallyreallyreal]

AIBU

My partners opinion is that describing someone as pretty is the same as saying short or tall and as factual as their hair colour.
I guess I don't see it that way.

He said pretty and being attracted to someone are too different things.

He was describing a 14 year old and said she is quite tall, glasses, round face, quite pretty.
I thought this was odd. He says not.

AIBU is it semantics?

“I didn't mean it to sound like it did.”

You probably did mean it to sound like it did actually...you got upset and behaved accordingly. He will know that. Don’t insult him by trying to diminish your part in the proceedings.

Look...we all grasp the shitty end of the stick and wave it around from time to time. He’ll get over it. Give him a bit of time. It’ll blow over.

You are jealous over a 14 year old girl. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of using pretty..you are jealous of a child. You have issues.

“Tall” is not subjective. I am short so I could say anyone over about 5.5 is “tall compared to me” but tall for a woman in the U.K. is over about 5.8.

I'm over 5'8 and some would say I am tall, I am taller than most people I meet but I wouldn't describe myself as tall really as I am what I am. I do sometimes come across people taller than me - I felt like a midget yesterday as somebody in the petrol station was about 5 inches taller than me. I'm not used to feeling short - it was quite unpleasant!

@steppemum I certainly wasn’t calling you racist. I just thought it was interesting to note that many posters on here have claimed that ‘pretty’ is virtually objective and there have been references to blonde hair, long hair and small noses. To me this sounds a very culturally specific version of beauty which is certainly subjective. Which going back to the original point means the OPs husband was making a subjective rating of a young girls appearance. Which is something I don’t think is necessary, and extrapolating out wider, helpful to the self esteem and empowerment of females.

@Glitterbugle you're being ridiculous. It is a fact of life that we are all different. Some people are rich, some aren't. Some people have good skin, some don't. Just because you say someone is pretty doesn't mean you are calling out anyone who isn't! It seems to me like you are one of those persistently offended people who go out of their way to find insults where there are none

I’m not insulted, what would I be insulted by? I’m just interested in challenging the status quo as to how women are routinely judged on appearance from a young age as being one of their most important factors.

I agree that pretty or handsome does not equate to attractive too. I would be more concerned if he'd used the word attractive.

If I needed to describe someone then, along with height, hair colour, style and length, I would very likely say they were either pretty, good-looking, beautiful, stunning, striking. Equally I might say they were plain, nondescript or unusual looking, in fact anything to get across who I was describing. All my subjective views but absolutely nothing to do with being attracted to them.

OP, the concensus is clearly that you are over-reacting. You really have no need to worry but you probably do need to work on your self esteem. Your partner shouldn't have to tip toe around you for fear of upsetting you. Please get some help (even self-help books) to prevent your irrational jealousy from getting worse and perhaps destroying your relationship in the future.

I'm not surprised women are reluctant to become feminist with pornographic images in our faces all the time. Sexual images of women are normal to millenials

The world's gone mad if a man cannot say a girl is pretty!
You do realise he would think it even if he did not say it?

There is absolutely nothing wrong in it.

Err yeah...ok. I can see what you’re saying. It’s getting into semantics though...which is fine if you want to.

This thread reminds me of the Little Britain, University, sketch. Everyone is trying to be so vague and generic, you've got no chance of working out who they mean.

I agree that we should limit using pretty, as though it's important, in front of girls. But it's a valid description when having a personal conversation.

Some people aren't pretty, that includes children.

I've had a little boy that I babysit described as pretty, mainly by old ladies. He is pretty, he's all lips, big brown eyes and eyelashes.

I can acknowledge that the likes of Brad Pitt and a lot of Men mentioned on here are good looking, but I'm not attracted to them. Phil Mitchell, Ray Winstone, are my type.

“I'm not used to feeling short - it was quite unpleasant!”
Welcome to my world. But that means that you are objectively tall-as I am objectively short!

@PalmTree101
Some 14 year olds do conform to our western ideal of 'pretty'. Some don't.
What a prejudiced view my daughter is always been told she’s beautiful here in the uk when we go to see family in Ghana and even more so in places not used to people of colour.
Not everyone thinks the way you do.

Darker skin is not universally considered less attractive - try spending some time in African communities that have not had their beauty ideals warped by contact w western values.

YABU. describing someone as pretty is completely normal

Birdsgottafly - sorry, Phil Mitchell?! Really?

Just goes to show though...beauty is in the eye etc.

I wouldn't describe a teenage boy as "pretty", I would use "good looking".

Barbarian

Yes the western influence is to answer for that. Skin bleaching is bad in some African countries, even in the Caribbean

The vast majority of people here are saying there is absolutely nothing weird about what he said, we agree with him. You can spoil the day / half term by banging on about it, when most people have said you are BU, or you can apologise and make things right with him. Then if you still feel like it feels wrong to you, you can work on dealing with your own insecurities at your leisure.

There should be more emphasis on male looks really. That way women can focus on their careers and not waste time applying useless products to their faces to look pleasing to their colleagues to increase chances of promotion

Yes let it go. Its the same as describing a painting or a sunset. Visually nice. Not the same as fancying at all.

Um Bert is allowed to have an opinion you know. That’s basically thewholepointof mumsnet, to exchange ideas and opinions.

Just because someone’s opinions don’t agree with your own there’s no need to make personal attacks. Some of you must lead very constrained little lives, aggressively shouting down anyone who expresses a view outside the majority.

Just because someone’s opinions don’t agree with your own there’s no need to make personal attacks

Are you going to call BertrandRussell out on her insults too? Calling people sexist and lacking in training when they just have a different opinion.

“Are you going to call BertrandRussell out on her insults too? Calling people sexist and lacking in training when they just have a different opinion.”

Some things aren’t opinions. Anyone who has taken on board diversity training would not use “pretty” to describe a girl.

I’m not getting into this “he said she said” Soup. But purely as an observer ear, with no axe to grind, I felt there was a pile on and a nasty tone about it.

FWIW, I disagree with what Bert is saying here: I frequently drive DS mad by referring to one of his mates as “The one with the pretty eyes”.