Pretty is the same as tall?

[reallyreallyreal]

AIBU

My partners opinion is that describing someone as pretty is the same as saying short or tall and as factual as their hair colour.
I guess I don't see it that way.

He said pretty and being attracted to someone are too different things.

He was describing a 14 year old and said she is quite tall, glasses, round face, quite pretty.
I thought this was odd. He says not.

AIBU is it semantics?

I work in a school and have used 'pretty'when describing a child to another member of staff who hadn't come across that particular child - I've also used handsome, cute, tall, short, tiny, etc. It's just a way to differentiate between several children. I'm definitely not attracted to them at all!

No he isn't sexist in other ways.

I don't know why this has bothered me so much.

He said pretty and being attracted to someone are too different things.

I don’t agree that pretty and tall are descriptive in the same way.

I do agree with him on the above though.

He was describing a 14 year old and said she is quite tall, glasses, round face, quite pretty.
I thought this was odd. He says not.

Why was it odd?

My father used to call me ‘pretty’ as a child. Do you think he wanted to fuck me?

“I work in a school and have used 'pretty'when describing a child to another member of staff who hadn't come across that particular child” I assume you haven’t had much training?

Pretty isn’t the same as being attracted to someone. It’s just a general descriptor?

He just said its harder to tell if boys/males are classically pretty or not.

Ugh it's getting worse.

Is it really sexist to think someone is pretty??

Boys aren't described as pretty. Handsome maybe

Actually he is probably right on that one too.

Society as a whole has a pretty set view of pretty for a woman but with men it does seem to be much more subjective.

Am I making problems out of nothing? Shall I let it go?

Probably been drilled into him not to look at boys too closely so he doesn't get accused of fancying them! Good looking or handsome for men.

“Is it really sexist to think someone is pretty??”

It is certainly sexist to use attractiveness as a descriptor for women/girls.

Yes I think you are making problems out of nothing

It's not an odd way to describe someone

However it is a lot more subjective ans difficult to quantify

The majority of people do find the same people attractive. But to prove someone is more attractive than average (or can be described as pretty) they need to ask random samples of people to rate their attractiveness then ask that random sample to rate the attractiveness of other people and then compare them.

To prove someone is 'tall' all you need is a measuring tape and an idea of average heights

I have a very beautiful friend. She is so stunning that most people can't say her name without making a comment about her appearance! She has a daughter who looks just like her who is early teens and I'd describe her as pretty because that's how most people would be likely to see her

Nothing odd about using pretty as a description, I call many little girls pretty

Bertrand- training, really? Pp did say they used this in conversation with another staff member not to the child, don’t be so pompous and pc

Yes let it go....if you have made him feel bad for what he said then should should also apologise for that.

Get some help for your insecurities

No - St Andrews university have done quite a few studies on beauty and there is some consensus around what is considered good looking. I don’t think it’s a weird thing to say at all. My DD (13) will describe a friend as ‘pretty’ and I don’t think that’s odd at all.

Pretty could also be used to describe a boy’s face IMO although it’s a less flattering description as most boys would prefer to be considered ruggedly handsome - I understand what he means by saying it’s harder to tell if a boy is pretty, I think what he means is boys are pretty less often

Pretty has absolutely nothing to do with sexual attraction

Am I making problems out of nothing? Shall I let it go?

Categorically yes.

What would you do instead of letting it go? Do you fear he is attracted to the 14 year old or that he is sexiest?

OP, I think you’re reading too much into this. I can imagine trying to describe one of DDs friends to someone - “Oh you know the one - black hair, tall, pretty girl.” Or one if DS’ friends, “Oh you know the one - black hair, tall, handsome boy.” Both are just a way of saying someone is fairly noticeable.

Let it go, OP, it's a perfectly normal expression. If you keep on about it you'll look like a crazy person.

I don’t think it’s that subjective. Plenty of experiments show people judge symmetrical faces as pretty, big eyes, small noses etc etc . Boys are handsome or good looking. I think most people see pretty or handsome in the same way,

What people find attractive is subjective though. Appreciating someone’s good looks doesn’t mean you fancy them. I can see why Daniel Craig is considered good looking but he is not attractive to me.

He just said its harder to tell if boys/males are classically pretty or not.

My DH has said similar to this before and I'm inclined to agree. He said there's a very narrow idea of a conventionally beautiful woman/girl, but the idea of a handsome man/boy is broader. He was saying it in the context of gender inequality and men being able to "get away with" a greater diversity of "looks" than women, who are expected to conform to a very narrow ideal - but the principle is still that it's harder to define what makes a man conventionally handsome.
As to the original question, I don't think it's weird at all to describe a 14-year old as handsome or pretty. 'Sexy' or 'hot' would be weird.
I also think short, tall etc are subjective. I'm 5'4" and would describe someone as 'tall' who my 6'4" DH might not. Maybe not quite as subjective as 'pretty' but still.

Isn't there something to do with 'attractive' people have more symmetrical faces? So maybe instead of 'pretty' he should have described her face as symmetrical

I wouldn't mind if DH described someone as pretty. He's not blind to other people's attractiveness!