Pretty is the same as tall?

[reallyreallyreal]

AIBU

My partners opinion is that describing someone as pretty is the same as saying short or tall and as factual as their hair colour.
I guess I don't see it that way.

He said pretty and being attracted to someone are too different things.

He was describing a 14 year old and said she is quite tall, glasses, round face, quite pretty.
I thought this was odd. He says not.

AIBU is it semantics?

I quite commonly think people are good looking or pretty without finding them remotely attractive. Attraction is surely about lots of other things than just looks; for example, whether someone is an appropriate age! It sounds like you may need to work on your insecurities OP unless your DP has given you other reasons to be suspicious of him.

Also @reallyreallyreal that person was telling you YABU.

You’re either upset that your DH used the adjective ‘pretty’ to describe a female face or you think your husband fancies a kid. Both are fucking weird conclusions but I’d be interested to know which it is.

*He really shouldn't be describing anyone based on their good looks or lack of them but this is a child we're talking about.

A lot if posts saying AIBU then I read this one and I am back to ughhh again*

Oh get a grip. My DP was talking about one of SD’s friends the other day and I wasn’t sure which one and he said “You know, the blonde pretty one”. It was descriptive and certainly not in the least bit perverted.
Unless you’re concerned by other behaviours your DH is displaying and think he’s sexually attracted to kids, then you are massively overreacting

Actually I hate him saying anyone is pretty to be honest

I think that is odd!

Totally normal.

Pretty dog; pretty cat; pretty house; pretty view. Pleasing to the eye in a bland sort of way.
Why do you hate your husband saying 'anyone is pretty' OP?

I might describe someone as a bonny lad but wouldn't use it separately from lad for some reason!

You’re either upset that your DH used the adjective ‘pretty’ to describe a female face or you think your husband fancies a kid. Both are fucking weird conclusions but I’d be interested to know which it is.

I don't think he fancies a kid. I really don't.
He has come to same conclusion. So now we aren't speaking. Said he is hurt.
Guess I need help.

I've described dd's friends as such before, 'oh you know the one, curly hair, dark features, pretty lass' or 'yeah the one with the blonde floppy hair, good looking lad.'
I use it as a descriptor, that's all. I certainly don't fancy any of them!

I think it's something else that someone else would have noticed, so yes, I'd include it.

I don't think it's weird in that context at all. Dd is 14, some of her friends I would describe as pretty, some not so much. I can assure you i don't fancy any of them!!

Acknowledging someone is pretty and finding them sexually attractive are two very different things.

@really really real to put it bluntly, yes you need help. Nothing about your reaction is rational. Do you usually overreact to perfectly normal things?

Not in every day life in my job etc but jealousy yes I think I do.

I've had this situation when going into a bar where I'd left a bank card behind or something.

The guy would ask, do you remember who served you?
Well no, I don't know her name, but she was smaller than me, slim, long hair, pretty? And they'd go - yes, that's Abc
Similarly, I've described men as a tall, a big guy, Welsh accent?
Ah yes, that's zyx.

I've given statements to police along the same lines lol.

BertrandRussell Mon 18-Feb-19 08:48:58
You’d seriously describe a 14 year old boy as “bonny”?

Bonny is used a lot where I am. I vastly prefer it to pretty as it has a wider meaning (a bonny baby means healthy, full of life). It can be used for boys or girls. It means more a sort of loveliness/youthful energy and glow.

Pretty is just used for girls and I don't like it. I have 3 DDs and at various times the elder two have asked how pretty they are. I know that's normal, and I'm not about to have a go at someone for using "pretty", but I don't personally like it as a descriptor. People can scream about not being so PC, but if you don't think girls being judged and valued by attractiveness at an early age has an impact throughout their lives then you've got to have your blinkers on big time.

OP, is it because it's the first time you've heard your DP use pretty as as a descriptive word? Thinking about it, it's not a word my DH ever seems to use, so I'm thinking if he did I'd notice it. Maybe that's all it is that's bothering you?

What is it that you don’t like about it op?

I think he had just said pretty would be an issue but he used many other physical terms- glasses, round face, hair colour.

Describing a boy would be similar- talk, dark hair etc maybe wouldn’t say handsome but I think most say not bad looking etc.

I think your being abit millennial 😂

I remember when this girls photo was released when she was six (she's now a model) and thinking she's was indescribably beautiful. I was actually shocked at how mesmerising she was.

Thylane Blondeau?

Do you think it's weird because someone's idea of "pretty" is differs from one to another?

I'm not sure what he said was wrong, but then again humans can be brutal and there's clearly a hierarchy in women's physical appearance. All societal, but so ingrained it feels natural

I’d use pretty as a description...vaguely, but I would say it.

at anyone who thinks calling someone pretty is being sexist. Fgs this world has gone mad.

Op I'm sorry but I think you're odd for finding it odd.

but if you don't think girls being judged and valued by attractiveness at an early age has an impact throughout their lives then you've got to have your blinkers on big time.

I agree with this. His argument is that there are youtube tutorials for high cheek bones and big eyes so all look the same way.

You asked if it was semantics - it is. It is also perception. I think when he describes someone as pretty you hear “I am attracted to them” and your partner has told you he doesn’t mean that. The majority on here have reassured you that to describe someone as pretty is not an admission of sexual attraction and I hope that helps you to feel less worried.

It’s not gross in as he’s attracted to her but it’s gross in that it’s pretty sexist. Only girls are so judged on their appearance a boy wouldn’t be described in a similar way. Maybe she doesn’t want to have her looks judged and scored by a middle aged man.....

Pretty is just a descriptor, a subjective one, but a descriptor nonetheless.

I think lots of people are pretty but I don't fancy them or have designs on them.

Just because your dh says someone is pretty doesn't mean he doesn't think you're pretty.

You have basically implied that he's a pervert for saying a 14 year old is pretty so I can see why he is upset with you. If someone implied I fancied a child then I wouldn't want to be around that person anymore.