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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have absolutely no friends

395 replies

twopizzaseverytuesday · 18/02/2019 07:07

I mean, none. It’s downright embarrassing really.

I am single and have no kids. I’ve actually contemplated having a child (I’ve always wanted a family) but partly because it puts me in social settings.

I just don’t know how to sort this!

OP posts:
WakeMeWhenTheyTurn18 · 20/02/2019 00:02

@littlestlily if you don't mind me asking, what type of course did you do to teach fitness classes? I have been apart of a sports club for years (voluntary) but it is very secular (and not very popular in my area). I would love to train in another discipline so i can branch out and make some extra money and meet new people, i just really don't know where to start. I have looked at online courses but i don't have a clue what is right/wrong and some are way out of my price league and the local college time schedule would not fit in with my very inflexible work life. A bit of inside info would be amazing if you don't mind? X

littlestlily · 20/02/2019 00:10

@WakeMeWhenTheyTurn18 what sort of fitness are you interested in?
I did mine with ymcafit, it was online learning then face to face, you can do it over weekends, they have payment plans that can spread the cost, their courses are very thorough and properly accredited. They have centres all over the uk x

WakeMeWhenTheyTurn18 · 20/02/2019 00:21

@littlestlily thank you. I have looked at ymca. I do martial arts atm, which is more popular with children in my area. I like yoga/pilates/ Tai-Chi but have generally practiced on my own due to child care issues etc in the past. I am also interested in the effect excercise and nutrition has on MH x.

LinnieMaple · 20/02/2019 01:11

I understand EXACTLY how you feel. I moved country to be with my DP of 15 years and then we split. I have lot of friends at home but only a couple where I live now.
What’s worked for me has been to go on solo’s holidays. You meet like minded people (defo no kids) and over the course of the vacation you naturally gravitate to those who you get along with.
After the holiday is over, you’ll find you’ve made new friends and may even plan outings and other holidays together.
Good luck 😉

Lizzie48 · 20/02/2019 01:40

@LinnieMaple I have a friend who is single, who absolutely loves doing this. She did make a friend on one of these holidays and they do go to places together but they go separately too. It works well for her.

She's very happy with her own company, though, and completely independent.

It could be worth a try, OP? Even if you don't make close friends, you'll have had the opportunity to do things you've always wanted to do.

Seline · 20/02/2019 01:44

I don't have many either. I have my husband's friends or acquaintances.

No idea how to make any.

Lovingbenidorm · 20/02/2019 01:55

Get involved with something that involves socialising like am dram

Lovingbenidorm · 20/02/2019 01:58

Very involved and always going to the pub after rehearsals

BingLiveisRubbish · 20/02/2019 02:48

I've met one of my closest friends on Mumsnet! She PM'd me for advice on something and voila! Friends ever since. It will happen when it happens OP. In a queue in a shop, in a cafè, walking a dog, you just never know. I met one friend who became a major part of my life, in the lift in Primark!

Ignore the virtue signallers on here x

SnuggyBuggy · 20/02/2019 06:20

I think the challenge though is when you feel like you are living amongst the wrong people. When I was lonely I desperately wanted some fellow recent graduates to commiserate with and have a laugh about the jobcentre or awful interviews. I simply wasn't interested in tagging along with parents that wanted to talk about their kids for example. Meeting people isn't enough, you need the right people.

Itsnotme123 · 20/02/2019 06:50

It’s not easy I agree. NWR groups can be good, bu it depends on your area, worth looking into. They do dinners, theatre trips, coffee mornings etc.

I would recommend digging up old friends from the past, school friends even, even if they are a distance away, phone calls are good.

C1rrus · 20/02/2019 07:57

Argh! Why are people posting things that have been said numerous times already?! Do you really believe that nobody else is as insightful as you?

SnuggyBuggy · 20/02/2019 08:03

@C1rrus it's at least proving what I said earlier about asking for help with this issue being a bloody nightmare Grin

mommymooo · 20/02/2019 08:12

I'm admitting straight away I haven't read all of the comments so sorry if I've missed something or say something out of turn. But I don't have any friends either. I'm married I have a son and a family but friends I have none. It upsets me deeply I try and talk to the moms at nursery but get no where. I've tried mush but got no where. I don't think I'm a bad person to get along with I've had friends in the past. SadSad

C1rrus · 20/02/2019 08:12

Quite. OP (long since departed) has clearly explained more than once how she feels about other people’s children, yet people keep suggesting that she volunteers with the brownies Confused

C1rrus · 20/02/2019 08:12

I'm admitting straight away I haven't read all of the comments so sorry if I've missed something or say something out of turn.

Head explodes

mommymooo · 20/02/2019 08:20

@C1rrus ???? Head explodes

SnuggyBuggy · 20/02/2019 08:22

Well the OP is just being negative and should be prepared to invest all her life savings and travel 100 miles on her hands and knees for a chance to volunteer at the bloody Brownies Grin.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 20/02/2019 08:26

@C1rrus ???? Head explodes

Well what, C1rrus? That was an innocuous comment, and sympathy/solidarity rather than advice seems to be what the OP wants, which is fair enough. Long threads repeat a bit. No need for head exploding.

Mmmhmmokdear · 20/02/2019 08:33

My SIL uses Meetup.com. She's made quite a few new friends this way.

Hyrana · 20/02/2019 08:36

HRTFT sorry, but one of my school friends who was twice divorced and childless joined a local Meet-up thing where they would go out for dinner or to the pub, very social and she enjoyed that, in fact I think she met someone there and they are now both into Park Runs.
Just a suggestion, YMMV.

I moved to SE Asia 24 years ago with two very young children and without them I would have found it difficult to make contacts/friends. I am a sort of solitary person by nature and I have a few very firm friends and a lot of acquaintances whom I see when we get together once in a while. I took the bull by the horns and just asked if they wanted to give me their number for a meet-up during the week, and went from there.
Good luck OP, I'm sure there are like minded people out there for you Flowers

Mum4Blake · 20/02/2019 08:43

There’s a nationwide social thing called “spice”. You pay to join, and then pay to join different events (walks, dinners etc).
I’ve moved a LOT in the past, and I found it a good way to meet new people when I’ve moved to a completly new area. I put a lot of effort in for 3 months (pushing myself beyond what I’d normally do), and by then you’ve swapped numbers with other people who are like-minded, and you start meeting them for drinks or coffee, and you’ll meet other people that they met through the same process. 3 months membership was all any of us did.
I live 3.5 hours drive from my old home, and I’ve got a small number of good friends met in this way. I highly recommend Spice (but never consider it a method to meet single men whatever you do!)

xotyl · 20/02/2019 09:13

Many years ago, I observed how many friends the in-laws have, form way back and more recent too. Dmil said something that struck a cord and I think about a lot. She said yes they had a lot of friends but they really had to work at it.
They did, they kept regularly in touch did a lot of hosting etc., this was a marked contrast to my own parents who whilst being friendly enough, had hardly any friends - they didn't have the means, social or financial.

It does take a bit of work, why not send an e-mail to say five people you have lost touch with, just say you were think about them and wondering how they were. If you get a reply organise something, doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive.

Cookingclass · 20/02/2019 09:18

It reads as though you’ve let all of your previous friendships drift. You need to make an effort to keep friendships going and not bin off anyone with kids. Reach out to any old work or school friends and suggest getting together. Be the one to make the effort or travel if necessary.
Definitely join book clubs and do an evening class. I used to go to a gym which was very friendly so find a nice small gym. Start a Facebook social group for your town. A lady in my town started a group and they do regular meet ups and events.
I think if you want friends you need to take the bull by the horns!

IrmaFayLear · 20/02/2019 09:25

It is so difficult. Added to which we all get a bit choosier as we get older.

I decided last year to make a grand effort and, like xotyl's suggestion, got in touch with several people I had lost touch with and "reached out" to a woman I met on a course. The two old friends I met for lunch (and I paid, because it was at my behest). It was very nice to catch up, but they never got back in touch, despite lots of "Oh, we must do this again." The woman from the course I met for a coffee. Before we left, she said, "I have a great many friends, and no room for any more at the moment. If things change, I'll get in touch." I was mortified and slunk off with my tail well and truly between my legs. And she didn't get back in touch so she didn't give me the opportunity to tell her my dance card was now full...