AIBU to hate when people ask where I find the time?

[LilaJude]

Does anyone else find it infuriating when people say ‘I don’t know where you find the time!’ when you do something a bit extra or fancy?

For example, I hosted a dinner party and made a floral centrepiece - nothing fancy, just a rectangle of oasis foam with foliage and supermarket flowers, but it looked pretty. One of my guests (the new DP of DH’s best friend) announced ‘oh my goodness, where do you find the time for something like that!’

Similarly, I often bring cakes in to my office for people to share, and one of my colleagues will always say she wishes she had the time to do the same but she’s just soooo busy.

I am probably being oversensitive, but this irks me a bit. You don’t ‘find’ time for things like this, you make it! It’s not that I have hours in the day they don’t have. I know it’s probably not the intention, but to me it devalues the effort put in to do something nice by suggesting it’s only because you have so much more leisure time than anyone else.

I know people who have much more reason to be busy than me (e.g. they have kids where I don’t) but who still make time to do extra things that I don’t (like my manager, who with her kids hand made little valentines for all 49 children in her kids’ classes), and I’d never imply it’s because they have more free time than me. I recognise that it’s about what’s important to you, and what you’re willing to prioritise.

Does this annoy anyone else or AIBU?

YANBU. If you want something done, give it to a busy person, as the saying goes.

I'm sure this has been said upthread already!

Aid take that as a compliment.
Maybe you’re insecure and need praise for what you’ve done but are misinterpreting it?
Either way chink a little glass to yourself on your achievements

People have clearly been insulting me for years and I have been too thick to notice

Perhaps you could inform all who "don't have the time" actually "make the time" as you advise.

Yes! I hate this. I'm really annoyed when people use "I don't have time" whereas they mean "I don't want/care/need to do X so I don't prioritize it". In some cases it is compliment, in some cases the person is projecting their feeling of being inferior and sometimes it's a passive aggressive to point out that your life is easy if you have time for something useless. My colleagues are a master at this with time and money.

There are some properly sanctimonious crafters about on here. People are not necessarily disorganised / lazy / unimaginative / bad at time management just because they're not filling every spare moment with knitting and sewing and baking and flower arranging and creative napkin folding. Nor are people who don't do these things generally eaten up inside by jealousy of other people's crafty accomplishments. What a bizarre worldview.

A new child joined the class when DC were at primary school quite late in the year when friendship groups were already established. I thought it would be a nice thing to reach out to the mum and kid and meant to arrange a play date but was just returning to work myself, eldest was going through battery of entrance exams and other family things which meant it took me a while to get round to organising it. Kid came and had a nice time, when mum came to pick him up I mentioned in conversation that I was sorry it had taken so long to organise that I'd meant to do it sooner but that our normal routines had changed recently with work and exams and I was struggling with the new demands to our time while everyone adjusted to the new routines etc. I can't think what she read into that.

Rather than just say thanks or agree that yes time management can be difficult sometimes she went into this snotty sneery competitive monologue about how busy she was and how she was a doctor (I hadn't asked her what she did or told her what I did, I didn't think either was relevant). I was so put off by her attitude that I didn't bother inviting them again. She clearly thought her time was more important than mine. It was a very odd reaction.

I get the comment a lot. I craft, bake, garden and do diy quite a bit and it’s always said as a sneary comment.

I do have more time than others though. I had my children very young so they are all teenagers now. My friends are still in the 3 under 6 stage. My children don’t need ‘looking after’ anymore or play dates arranging etc. Yes I am the taxi service taking them all to clubs and so on but my times my own.

Posted too soon 🤦‍♀️

I could never get it all done when mine were younger. I was so tired at the end of the day I would just flop on the sofa.

It’s 11.24 and I’ve done the housework, walked the dogs, washing on the line, done a food shop and put the dinner in the slow cooker. There is no way I could of achieved this when they were on half term a few years ago. I can now because they are all still in bed!

hmm..it means I have been offending people all my life even though I say it out of admiration of their organising skills. The people I say this to are busy people and if they do something special then they truly are taking out time of their busy schedule. Seems like you are taking an offence when there is none to be taken