To object to this form of address in the 21st century?

[clary]

We got a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs J Johnson. *

My name is not Jacinda nor Jennifer. My initial is in fact not J. My husband's name however is Jeremy.

Have I, having done something so bourgeois as get married, now lost the right to my first initial?

Our bank manages Mr J Johnson and Mrs C Johnson. Or I would also be fine with a simple Mr and Mrs Johnson. We are the only Mr and Mrs Johnson at this address.

I'm not going to complain to the school. But am I reasonable to be slightly seething?

*All names changed.

Surely this is an eye roll and move on? People still profess to be astonished that i’m Ms Human and not Mrs Hisname.

I was going to say the same about changing your name, not a very feminist stance. If you don’t change your name, they can’t bundle you into the same patricarchal reference. That said, we are still ‘mr and Mrs X Shit’ to all other half’s family. Don’t think feminism has caught up there, even with the younger generation. Sad times.

What is it people don’t like about Ms?

Where marriage is still the gold standard it does not make them feel special enough.

It’s not necessarily that. I’ve encountered a number of people who have no intention of marrying who insist on Miss (though I can hardly quiz them mid-meeting as to their thoughts on the issue).

Why do we need the titles at all? What is the point?

Can’t we just be addressed by our actual names?

I especially hate how the title gor women lets people know her marital status - but men are Mr no matter what.

Quakers don't use titles at all. Does away with lots of this nonsense. I would tell the school you would like to be addressed by your name, OP, and that your name is not Jeremy.

I hate the term Ms. It doesn’t represent who I am.
Equality is about freedom and all choices being accepted not about having anyone else impose their view of what is right on you. Until self appointed guardians of feminism accept that their dogmatic stance is as wrong as a patriarchal stance, we’ll still have a long way to go.

That still doesn’t explain why

Do you mean it doesn’t represent your status as married or unmarried? Or something else? If it’s the former then that would be where our views diverge as, if I must have a title, I prefer it not to reveal my marital status. As someone whose marriage ended not through choice then was judged for being married again, I’d rather just sail through with a title that reveals nothing (just as DH has done).

It can get complicated for things like Christmas cards though. I have one that I address to Mrs AB Clements and Mr DE Foxbury (not real names, obviously). I don't mind, but it just looks clumsy. I suppose I could address it to "All at Number 32)

I like joint letters for us to be Mr and Mrs Schadenfreude, or Mr A and Mrs B Schadenfreude.

However, I don't lose sleep over it

YANBU. My mil sent a get well to my DM in hospital and addressed it Mrs (DF full name). Took her a while to receive it as the hospital were confused unsurprisingly!

Feminism is not about being free to choose to be oppressed.

Or doesn't bother me. It's the traditional way to address a married couple who share a surname. I quite like it.

What twaddle.

I hate the term Ms. It doesn’t represent who I am.

Good point. From now on I’m calling myself Princess Boobi.

Sorry that was to pavlova.
Unless I’ve been doing it wrong, of course.

It's the traditional way to address a married couple who share a surname. I quite like it.

Traditionally, women had no legal status. Traditionally, men could legally rape their wives. Traditionally, women who were “difficult” were defined as witches and drowned. Traditionally, rich white folk bought people as slaves.

Long live tradition, eh?

It’s about time the likes of Debretts and Burke’s peerage were outlawed. Family dynamics are so different to a few generations ago.

Where marriage is still the gold standard it does not make them feel special enough

Yup. I'm getting married in a couple of weeks and the amount of shit I've had when people find out I'm staying Ms Pacino, is outstanding!

To be fair if I was marrying Al Pacino I would probably take his name

Your husband will have to get used to being called Mr Pacino! Mine just sighs gently and answers to Mr Human now!

I am now reluctantly Ms ExH surname. My DC wanted me to keep their name when we divorced and it was a fairly minor thing for me, though I would have gone back to Ms maiden name otherwise. I don’t mind Ms at all, definitely preferable to Miss and I’m no longer married so don’t want to be Mrs.

If I re-married I don’t know what I’d do about my surname.

With hindsight, when I married ExH, I should have kept my maiden name, (because I loved my dad dearly,) and double-barrelled the DC. I secretly like annoying the new Mrs ExH name who was the OW, by keeping the name, though.

At least all letters now come addressed to E J ExH surname, but while I now choose Ms as an honorific, I get quite a few still addressed to Mrs.

I keep referring to him at work as the future Mr Pacino. It really bothers them! Aren't I proud to be marrying him? Don't I respect him? 😂

I get cards and stuff from DPs family address to Miss Older, I haven't used miss since I was 18 (23 now), I haven't known them long either but it irritates me. Not sure how to tell them is Ms, without making a thing of it.

I think everyone has managed to use DDs double barrelled surname at least though.

My husband's parents and grandparents do this. Every Christmas card through the door makes me cross

I use MS on everything. I've been single, married and divorced, and I object to being pigeonholed into 'married or not'. I once had a stand-off with someone on the phone who asked if it was 'Miss or Mrs?' and I wouldn't tell him. I even asked him why it was necessary to know whether I was married. He couldn't answer other than to say it was for the envelope!

I also had some work done on the house yesterday - I organised the Quotes, chose the workman, paid the deposit. There was no-one else involved at any stage. The invoice was address to Mr and Mrs.

As a single person, it is a bit annoying.