To object to this form of address in the 21st century?

[clary]

We got a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs J Johnson. *

My name is not Jacinda nor Jennifer. My initial is in fact not J. My husband's name however is Jeremy.

Have I, having done something so bourgeois as get married, now lost the right to my first initial?

Our bank manages Mr J Johnson and Mrs C Johnson. Or I would also be fine with a simple Mr and Mrs Johnson. We are the only Mr and Mrs Johnson at this address.

I'm not going to complain to the school. But am I reasonable to be slightly seething?

*All names changed.

I understand Plain. It is very important that we all acknowledge that you successfully got married. It is, after all, a woman's top achievement in life.

Sorry - didn't mena to '@'

Aaaand here come the insults to anyone who dares to disagree.
I'm perfectly capable of "keeping up" with writing trends thanks. I just meant that if I got a letter addressed to Mr and Mrs G Glitterstick, I might fleetingly think "ooh, you don't always see that nowadays" but I wouldn't be "seething" or objecting over it.

Would seem a bit bizarre (for me) for me to get married and then seethe and object to my married name or the correct/traditional way to address an envelope.

Doesn't bother me, I think it's quite normal?

loads of people study hard to be in the profession they're in - accountants, solicitors, architects etc. None of them have an honorific that reflects their job, so why do doctors? Arguably they shouldn't, and hospital doctors work hard to become consultants and drop the Dr. But probably more people known as Dr have the title because they've done a PhD, which is original research, and not analogous to the further training of accountants etc.

PlainVanilla Why do you object to Ms? I object to being expected to reveal my marital status in situations where it is completely irrelevant.

I think it's annoying how they presume things my son is in yr 9 and I can't get them to refer to me as miss Mrs is on everything I continually correct it but to no avail
I couldn't get on the system for 12 months as I couldn't figure out what was wrong

I’m another meh, but I don’t address things that way. If I’m unsure of titles and surnames used I put first names

YANBU.

I would flag it up with the school, politely but firmly.

@YetAnotherSpartacus absolutely.

Thanks for the responses, I'm glad that most of you agree with me :)

Shocked at the doctors who are assumed to be male! And yy my MiL calls me Mrs J Johnson on my birthday card. No my name is not Jeremy! She's old tho and I can forgive her.

It's not a software issue from the school as it was a handwritten address. Like I say, I'd be fine with either both our initials or no initials.

I took my husbands name when I married cod I wanted to. After all, my previous name was just my dad's name, so, y know, still a patronymic. But I don't recall abandoning my first name. I understand that it was a convention, but I think as most of you do, that it's outdated.

I wasn't going to raise it with the school as over many years (3dc, secondary, DC 3 in yr 11) I have raised a number of things (as you do, esp if DC have Sen) and didn't want this to be Yet Another. But maybe I should 😃

I wrote thank you letters address like this, to dh relatives, 21 years ago, luckily or sadly there was no mumsnet to show me the error of my ways.

I am just recently divorced. I am keeping my married name and my lawyer says I can still be Mrs or change to Ms. I hate Ms so am sticking with Mrs but all official letters to me are to ..., Ms. Winds me up

I'm always amazed women still take their husbands last name in the 21st century to be honest.

I confess I use Mr and Mrs his initial surname when addressing Christmas cards etc. Perhaps I'll drop the initial altogether in the future. I have no objection to being half of Mr and Mrs his initial surname. I hate being just Mrs his surname though and I find hardly anyone uses that these days.

Traditionally, using Mr A surname and Mrs B surname would suggest that they were divorced.

I think women who are more likely to worry about this don't change their name anyway, so it shouldn't be an issue.

Yes. Or Mrs for that matter.

I'm with you OP, I used to pull people up on this way back in the 90's!!

Fifthtimelucky if they are divorced, you’re unlikely to be sending them a joint letter to the same address!

GlitterStick do you realise it's traditional because historically a married couple did become one legal person and that person was the man? The 'Mrs John Smith' form of address was a symbolic representation of this.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coverture

Some 'traditions' need to end, because they're grounded in institutional misogyny. There's nothing 'correct' about this in the 21st century.

Hah massive assumptions. We agreed use of names and titles. His name is nicer than mine. Simply that. No suggestion of ownership or precedence.
Our daughter and fiancé chose the form her announcement would take.

Would seem a bit bizarre (for me) for me to get married and then seethe and object to my married name or the correct/traditional way to address an envelope.

I don’t have a married name. So anyone doing that would be addressing it to my husband and his mother. Not me.

Hah massive assumptions. We agreed use of names and titles. His name is nicer than mine. Simply that. No suggestion of ownership or precedence.

Assume you have no brothers?

What categorises a name as nicer?

I'm always amazed women still take their husbands last name in the 21st century to be honest.

Me too. They’re also usually completely unaware of the origins of the practice, do it in the name of “romance” and perpetuate the #everydaysexism for the next generation of women. Marvellous.

It fucks me off endlessly that it’s always Mr and Mrs in that order. We aren’t Mr and Mrs and we have different names but on every single piece of joint paperwork it’s him first though he has precious little to do with any of it, other than it being useful from time to time to have his name on stuff as proof of address. He was actually added to a previous existing mortgage in my sole name and now it’s Mr D and Ms M.

What is it people don’t like about Ms?

I'd complain, that's really appalling. It's not the 19th century!