To object to this form of address in the 21st century?

[clary]

We got a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs J Johnson. *

My name is not Jacinda nor Jennifer. My initial is in fact not J. My husband's name however is Jeremy.

Have I, having done something so bourgeois as get married, now lost the right to my first initial?

Our bank manages Mr J Johnson and Mrs C Johnson. Or I would also be fine with a simple Mr and Mrs Johnson. We are the only Mr and Mrs Johnson at this address.

I'm not going to complain to the school. But am I reasonable to be slightly seething?

*All names changed.

WHO says it’s correct? Where is this written down? I know older generations use it but that doesn’t mean it’s ‘correct’. If by correct you mean traditional then I can see what you mean but it’s NOT correct. It’s purely tradition.

What does division of housework have to do with addressing someone by their actual name? I’m perplexed at that one!

I also lost my profession

Why are Drs the only ones who get to be addressed by their profession though?

I think the point some are making is that equal division of housework is a more important issue than equality of identity, therefore concerns about equality of identity are silly.

Of course it's very much up to the individual to decide what is important to them. Both are important.

I also still think that if you care about one, you're more likely to care about the other, but maybe I'm wrong.

btp, the title doctor was not originally used for any profession at all, but was a title denoting the level of expertise a person had i.e. a PhD (a doctoral level degree). For some curious reason physicians began to use the title (much later) and now dentists and vets too I believe? I don't know why. So the title doctor does not refer to the status 'professional'.

I’m kind of relieved there’s a bubble somewhere filled with people who know absolutely no women who keep their own names (why would you want to? They’re all unpleasant sounding and hard to spell anyway) as it means I have less chance of coming across them in RL.

thecat that's interesting. I like that kind of background info. Vets do call themselves Dr too from what I've seen.

In France lawyers get to be called Maitre I believe. I'd like a non gender specific title!

Muddy

btp, apparently the title doctor became synonymous with physician due to the unauthorised use of the term by quacks. Eventually becoming an authorised title. I googled it because I'm that sad

It's old fashioned but I have bigger battles to fight than the mail merge fields on letters. DD's school did however get our titles right last time, so progress if a bit slow (18 months of telling them)

It’s not based on my ‘mates’, more the endless threads on MN about joint bank accounts, school runs and child care and even husbands being cojoled into marriage. It’s always the Mums sorting this stuff. How many dads do you see at kids parties, or even at the school gate, as a ratio? Then there’s the endless MIL bashing.... and tedious links to threads like this. Is so cliche. My MIL has taken our kids away for half term with their cousins. Yes she took her husbands name and I took his name.... but at least we all pitch in as a family. Like I said, if getting hysterical about an initial on an envelope makes you feel like you’re fighting the good fight on equality that’s fine, but reality is the majority of you are less equal than your grandmothers were. With your separate bank accounts and full time jobs on top of running the home. But hey.... so long as you get your initial on the envelope 😂😂😂

Whether you're talking about your mates or some stuff you've invented about posters on MN, this is still a nonsense argument. You have absolutely no idea whether there's a correlation between name changing and not doing as much housework, logic if anything suggests the opposite but it's not like any of us have any idea. Your entire premise is based on something you have made up and cannot prove. This is why it is a poor argument. And fuck knows I've seen defensive name changers on here pull a fair few things out of their arses in my time, but this is a new one.

Uptheapples I never said there was a correlation. I said most women with full time jobs still don’t have equality in the home, and if you deny that then there’s a reason you mentioned glue sniffing earlier.

That’s a little fact all the loons badgering their primary school secretaries about an initial.... yes, one single letter seem oblivious too. It’s inane.

I agree, it bothers me too. If I were you I would ask the school office to not address you like this - otherwise nothing is going to change, is it?

Yes winterfell women who insist on having a career, insist on paying their fair share and insist on equality are all deluding themselves because of course we aren't equal and we're just kidding ourselves that we can have it all 🙄
What a fucking ridiculous thing to say. It probably says more about your life and the men you know.

Uptheapples I never said there was a correlation. I said most women with full time jobs still don’t have equality in the home, and if you deny that then there’s a reason you mentioned glue sniffing earlier.

Well no, you said quite a bit more than that. You also said that blasting the school for using this mode of address is silly when you're working full time and doing the majority of the childcare and housework. But for all you know, the women working full time and doing more at home are disproportionately taking their FILs names. In which case, you're looking to the wrong cohort to make your point.

And really, if you don't actually think and aren't claiming that Lucy Stoners are more likely to be doing the double shift, it makes the argument even more nonsensical.

That’s a little fact all the loons badgering their primary school secretaries about an initial.... yes, one single letter seem oblivious too. It’s inane.

You spelled irrelevant wrong. The two things are not connected.

I am slightly disappointed though, I admit. I was hoping we might have another addition to defensive name changing bingo. All the arguments one usually hears on these threads have been done to death. You're all doing more housework than women who take their FILs name because I say so would have been a new one. Now I find out this is just another variation on the tired, old, you're doing women's lib wrong and you should be focusing on some other problem that I am conspicuously not focusing on while I police your feminism. Do better!

Just because there are other equality issues doesn't make this one a non-issue though does it?

I don't own my dream house, but I will still buy a new rug if the little one continues to wee on it. I still want a nice rug.

Why is you LO peeing on your rug?

We're potty training, sometimes he pees on the rug. He does know how to address an envelope properly though

🍪

.... with the husbands initial 😉

I don’t know - I get addressed like this sometimes by my daughters school. My mother goes by my fathers name too. I’m not bothered by it, I guess it comes down to if it bothers you or not. Sometimes my husband gets called by my surname - he thinks it’s quite funny (I have an awesome surname ha ha)

Sometimes my husband gets called by my surname

It will be a non-issue the day when it is just as likely that people are addressed as Mr Jane Smith as Mrs John Smith.

It's already a non issue in this house, he sighs and agrees he's Mr Human, it's too much hassle to explain.

I have three SIL who all kept their maiden names. DM often makes comments.

Two of my best friend's husbands have taken on their names, as in double barrelling with both of their names. I quite like that.

The warrenerswife he's an absolute stickler for tradition and a bit sexist tbh.

Halloumi, that's refreshing!

I had a birthday card from my elderly aunt addressed Mrs husband initial and surname, he opened it 😂😂