To object to this form of address in the 21st century?

[clary]

We got a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs J Johnson. *

My name is not Jacinda nor Jennifer. My initial is in fact not J. My husband's name however is Jeremy.

Have I, having done something so bourgeois as get married, now lost the right to my first initial?

Our bank manages Mr J Johnson and Mrs C Johnson. Or I would also be fine with a simple Mr and Mrs Johnson. We are the only Mr and Mrs Johnson at this address.

I'm not going to complain to the school. But am I reasonable to be slightly seething?

*All names changed.

Shush now, OfJeremy. Don't get any ideas about being a person here.

Not unreasonable to be seething, but slightly oversensitive, maybe as it is the correct way of addressing a Mr and Mrs. Having said that, it is very old fashioned, and the 'correct' way really should be changed.

It annoys me when salespeople phone and ask to speak to Mr Smith, when I am perfectly able to decide for myself whether or not I want to wreck my house with plastic window frames!

I really don't care if a letter is addressed to Mr and Mrs hisinitial Toomany (especially if it is a bill ). I would be rather put out if I got one addressed to Mrs hisinitial Toomany.

Which happened frequently to my mother after she was suddenly widowed, and really upset her.

My wife and I have the same initial so I cannot tell if it has ever happened to us. But it is ridiculously old fashioned and I believe you should complain, as a pp said nothing will change otherwise.

YADNBU

It's irritating. However, in defence of the school, if they are using a particular software to generate letters (and in bulk) this is the standard option and there isn't the option to change it.

It’s archaic and ludicrous. I would definitely mention it.

then the school software should say parent/guardian of child

Very annoying to have Dr and Mrs instead of Dr and Mr, but I always wonder why doctors insist on the title Dr in personal correspondence at all.
I heard a man getting very snippy at the local dog rescue as the person behind the desk wrote Mr instead of Dr. He was enquiring about adopting a dog, so why did it matter?

Because they’ve worked bloody hard for it east?

A non issue for me. In my world marriage signifies the union of a couple so the service actually talks about us becoming one. In our recent engagement announcement in a national for our daughter we chose to write Pip, elder daughter of Mr and Mrs Fred Pavlova. His parents were entered as Mrs Susan Smith and Mr Andrew Smith as they are divorced.

It's not the first thing I would worry about but, if it bothers you, inform whoever it is that sent it so their records can be cotmrrected.

If it’s the couple becoming one cherry, why is it automatically the male name that’s used? You never see Mr and Mrs Susan Smith

Meh, can't get worked up as that's the correct way to address an envelope.

if they are using a particular software to generate letters (and in bulk) this is the standard option and there isn't the option to change it.

Unlikely. The software (presumably created this century) would have options to include single parents, grandparents/other relatives caring for the child, foster parents, same sex parents, unmarried parents and parents with alternative titles.

Meh, can't get worked up as that's the correct way to address an envelope.

According to who?

@purpledaisies loads of people study hard to be in the profession they're in - accountants, solicitors, architects etc. None of them have an honorific that reflects their job, so why do doctors? I really don't understand why it's appropriate/necessary for them to use it outside of a work environment.

In my world marriage signifies the union of a couple so the service actually talks about us becoming one

And that one is the man? Coverture ended a long time ago.

Why not Pip, elder daughter of Mr and Mrs Jane Pavlova?

Well it’s not any more “correct” is it than saying Mr and Mrs, or Mr J and Mrs S Smith. It’s “correct” for it to be parents names on wedding invitations (as in traditional etiquette) but most couples don’t do it now. We don’t have to blindly accept traditions.
Cherrypavloba when you and Fred became one, how come it was the male one you became and not the female, or indeed a whole new one?

At least they tried to write to both of you. When I got a letter about DD having too many sick days it was addressed to me only. We all live together and they have both our names on file.

According to who?

According to formal correspondence letter writing etiquette.
Obvs

MsVestibule

Exactly.

I think you'll find, glitterstick, that formal correspondence letter writing etiquette has moved with the times, and the only people who stick with this form of address lack the intelligence to keep up.

In this age of political correctness referring to a wife in this manner is like calling the woman a chattel.

I see it as an equality issue and a such it is as important as any other equality or diversity issue. I would definitely raise it with the school.

I object to Ms, especially when the ignorant write it followed by a full-stop!
I am Mrs. or Madame or Frau, not mzzzz

@purpledaisies loads of people study hard to be in the profession they're in - accountants, solicitors, architects etc. None of them have an honorific that reflects their job, so why do doctors? I really don't understand why it's appropriate/necessary for them to use it outside of a work environment

Same for everyone then - including those with ex-military titles, ecclesiastical ones, ones of the peerage (who didn't work for anything after all).