To object to this form of address in the 21st century?

[clary]

We got a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs J Johnson. *

My name is not Jacinda nor Jennifer. My initial is in fact not J. My husband's name however is Jeremy.

Have I, having done something so bourgeois as get married, now lost the right to my first initial?

Our bank manages Mr J Johnson and Mrs C Johnson. Or I would also be fine with a simple Mr and Mrs Johnson. We are the only Mr and Mrs Johnson at this address.

I'm not going to complain to the school. But am I reasonable to be slightly seething?

*All names changed.

Not really.

I personally don't mind this, as I find "Mr X Gardener and Mrs C Gardener" a bit unwieldy (our actual surname is long). But it does give me the rage when I get birthday cards etc that are just for me addressed to "Mrs [husband's initial] Gardener".

What would be wrong with mr and Mrs gardener? No need for an initial

DD’s School keep sending things to Mr and Mr Hopping.
We are not a same sex couple but I can’t get worked up about it

This happens to me. I do correct them. And then they do it again.

It is wrong on so many levels.

1. I do not have the same initial as him
2. I do not have the same surname as him
3. I am not a Mrs
4. I am not married
5. if i was married I would still not have the same initial or surname or the title Mrs
6. I bloody well asked them to use my name.

That’s outrageous Flumpybear!

OP, I would contact the school and request that they change their naming protocol. (at my kids’ school, everything comes to “Parent or Carer of Child ) explaining that it is out dated. If they don’t do it, I would raise it with the Governers.

I think it’s ridiculous and offensive to be reduced to your husband’s initial. But I think we need to think about why that’s no longer acceptable and yet so many women are still so quick to take their husband’s name in marriage. That’s a convention that one day may also be seen as equally outdated.

That’s clearly a type hopping, not the same as deliberately addressing a letter in the way the op has described.

Yup Purple Daisies, I'm perfectly happy with Mr & Mrs Gardener as well as Mr & Mrs X Gardener! I think the former is probably the best way of addressing married couples today.

It makes me so angry. My name is double barreled, but I still get for example Mrs E Jones, when I'm actually Ms K Molton-Jones. It's not even that close to my name!! It's literally my mother in laws name. I love her, she is a different separate person to me. Just like I love my husband, but he is a different separate person to me. I didn't dissolve my personhood when I got married. It's just not my name.

Also it's not "proper" because it's "traditional". What's "proper" about refering to someone by something that's not even close to their legal name?

It's one of those things where people say "does it matter? Why make a big deal?" Etc etc but I'm sure if a man was addressed as Mr Julie Smith-Jones when he was called Craig Jones he'd be mystified.

I think your bank has it OK, and agree OP that Mrs J is at best outdated.

I refuse to open anything that’s addressed to Mr and Mrs R Birdy, as it’s clearly not for me!

Complain. It's massively outdated. I'd wonder what sexist shit they were teaching the children.

it is very old-fashioned

We get everything addressed to 'parent/guardian of Little sequins' from school. The phone company write to us as Dr and Mrs, making me Mrs instead of Dr. As a result DH was worried he'd have to go operate on someone since he'd suddenly become a Dr! Could have been interesting as he's not even a little bit medically minded! The electricity company are my favourite. Think Miss Chanandler Bong and it's not far off what they call DH. It amuses me though!

YANBU I absolutely HATE this! I took my husband’s surname (because after spending 30 years spelling out my family name EVERYWHERE I was glad to have a ‘plain’ name that nobody could butcher) but I am a separate person with a different first name.

What ChanklyBore said, only I am married.

OP, I would absolutely take it up with the school. Tell them women have the vote now and everything.

I hate it! It was 'right and proper' in the Victorian age to be Mrs John Smith.

Nowadays, to be 'Mrs John Anything' is annoying and sexist and outdated. It should be Mrs (if you want) Your-Own-Initial Your-Surname (whichever you choose)

It may be a minefield, but it should be noted on Every Communication, how you want to be addressed.

the school should have addressed it to the parent/guardian of child

but i wouldnt complain

Seething 😂😂

I think it's important that you point out the school that it is sexist and outdated. It may seem like a small thing that you can put up with, but these small things add up and create a prevailing outlook that doesn't reflect well on the school.

When I remarried, my former in-laws addressed me as Mrs J Hisname and took pains to explain that this was the correct form of address. Now I have divorced they address me as Mrs W Hisname even though I have changed my surname back ... I think they just don't like me.

YANBU I absolutely HATE this! I took my husband’s surname (because after spending 30 years spelling out my family name EVERYWHERE I was glad to have a ‘plain’ name that nobody could butcher)

Why wait till you were 30? If it were that bad you could have changed it very easily on your 18th birthday!

I do wonder, when get married to my fiancée, do we both become Mrs L Bananas

Does it really matter?

It does not matter if your name is Susan and people start calling you Jeremy?

It's an old fashioned, but acceptable, form of address in the appropriate circumstances.
Christmas card from MIL - annoying but acceptable.
Letter from school - not appropriate.