To object to this form of address in the 21st century?

[clary]

We got a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs J Johnson. *

My name is not Jacinda nor Jennifer. My initial is in fact not J. My husband's name however is Jeremy.

Have I, having done something so bourgeois as get married, now lost the right to my first initial?

Our bank manages Mr J Johnson and Mrs C Johnson. Or I would also be fine with a simple Mr and Mrs Johnson. We are the only Mr and Mrs Johnson at this address.

I'm not going to complain to the school. But am I reasonable to be slightly seething?

*All names changed.

I had one recently addressed to ‘Mr Build and others’ my names on the account. I complained.

You are Mrs J Johnson unless your MIL is deceased..

Did you also insist being addressed as Miss Johnson if you're the eldest daughter and Miss Sarah if you're not, or how exactly did that go?

Thewarrenerswife you have just described how women are still second class citizens - doing the jobs and still the load at home - so why do you think being viewed as second class when it comes to envelope billing is not a problem?

@Muddysnowdrop
My point is, losing your initial on an envelope is so minor compared with where women really are. Many women complaining about this kind of trivial nonsense think nothing of holding down a full time job, managing the kids and running the house. What I’m saying is, if you’re really bothered about equality there are bigger issues. Issues which many women fail to even see as issues because they’re so busy moaning about surnames and initials.

I used to type letters in an accountants firm and purposely changed letters when they had this. It really annoyed me.

I also changed letters when they addressed them "dear sirs" to dear sir or madam!

I disagree that the small stuff doesn’t count. Actually, taking away your identity like that isn’t really small. But if we don’t take a stand on small things it’s easier for big things to get past us.

It doesn't bother me. I address Christmas cards to Mr and Mrs

I am the same as @CroesoY. And it wouldn't really bother me.

But if it does you need to stand up for what you believe in and confront the school

*It doesn't bother me. I address Christmas cards to Mr and Mrs

I like my Christmas tree at Christmas because it's tradition. Doesn't mean I approve of marital rape, how silly.

This has been correct etiquette for so long that everyone is a tad confused. Does it matter Really?

I must have missed a big chink of this thread . what has marital rape got to do with the price of greens?

I find it odd but we still get cards from much older relatives addressed to us like that, not just the initial either but husbands full name!
It's not worth the hassle it would cause to bring it up tbh.

This has been correct etiquette for so long that everyone is a tad confused. Does it matter Really?

Yes. If you believe in equality of opportunity for women it fucking matters.

I must have missed a big chink of this thread . what has marital rape got to do with the price of greens?

It’s all part of the same tradition. Apparently it’s absolutely not okay but the other bit is, even when you have a valid objection to it.

I'll admit that when filling in forms at work, any random woman will be "Ms" because quite frankly I cannot be arsed to ask "do you prefer Mrs, Miss, Ms, Lady, Dr" etc...

@Thewarrenerswife

I wouldn’t choose to be addressed this way, but it certainly doesn’t bother me to the point of reaction. And it does make me laugh how so many women today have got the full time job they fought for, the equal pay and the right to vote. But still do most of the house work, cooking and child care responsibilities.

Taking yourself out to lunch, opening your own doors, buying your own everything and kidding yourselves you’re ball breakers demanding equality by getting all up in the air on Mumsnet about an initial! It’s literally laughable! And I know it’s not ‘everybody’ but it’s lots of women. Men must be laughing their asses off at us! OP - as someone said early on in this thread.... get a grip!

I absolutely agree with this 100%.

So many women on here AND in real life, think they are 'sticking it to the patriarchy' by keeping their own surname on marriage, insisting on paying their own way, and working full time, etc etc.... And they think ...

A) this makes them better than women who are more 'traditional' (letting men pay for meals, taking their man's name, and staying at home looking after the family,)

and

B) that this makes them EQUAL to men.

It's laughable, and as you say, I bet many men are pissing themselves laughing at them (and so are women who adopt the role of 'traditional' wife, staying at home and taking their man's name...)

These certain 'feminist' women think they are all radical and 'right on' because they insist they keep their maiden name (when they get married,) they insist they have a career, and they insist no man dares to open a door for them, and they insist they can buy their own drinks and so on. Yet, they will all ultimately fall into the trap of being the one who takes on most of the childcare and domestic duties in the household.

They ramble on about equality, but what they are spouting is a fucking joke! Women are never, and WILL never be equal to men, in life, or in the workplace. I am not saying this is a good thing, but it is true.

Women are not inferior to men, they are just different.

Making such a hoo-har about how your mail is addressed, is quite ridiculous really. Most women will - like it or not - be doing the lion's share of the housework and childcare (often as well as working!) yet they cry over being addressed as Mrs John Jones..... Calling it a tradition that should die out.

Shame they are not as fussed about the 'tradition' of women being paid less, and the 'tradition' of women doing the lion's share of the housework, and the 'tradition' of women being expect to take on most of the childcare.

Ahh winterfell you silly billy, the women who bother our fluffy heads about how we are addressed also bother our heads about other forms of inequality.
And women are equal, first article of declaration of human rights all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights
HTH

Yanbu I don't like this either and there is no need for it as it can be easily avoided like you've mentioned.
On a slightly different slant we've also had letters addressed like that from school when it's written to my dh and his ex on behalf of step son-so is supposed to be going to my dh and ex wife separately (therefore different surname) but they just presumed it was the same surname and used his initial....

Women are never, and WILL never be equal to men, in life, or in the workplace. I am not saying this is a good thing, but it is true.

Not with an attitude like that they won’t be, no.

YADNBU...and should definitely talk to the school about it.
I'm not married to my DP but changed my surname to his, via Deedpoll a number of years ago now, as I hated my surname (it was my dads name anyway and Ive never met the evil bastard and no longer wished to carry his name). I was booking a family holiday and DP and both DC had Hisname, I had my surname and I hated the fact that, on paper, my DC's looked like they weren't related to me! I'd never really thought about it, until that moment. Any hoo since changing my surname, I now get letters addressed to me as Mrs Hisname and occasionally Mrs His initial, Hisname!! Even my wageslip states Mrs on it now, even though I wrote Miss on the form when I updated my details. Really grates my cheese that people just assume that you've gotten married because your surname has changed and/or vice versa!!

Choose your battles.
The Probably have some mail merge set up to automatically do that to save having to type of each different name.

There's nothing like this topic for inspiring people who get upset at women keeping their own names and explaining why they've done it to invent things. Perhaps those of you who don't like it could practice what you preach, and spend the time focusing on, say, equal pay, instead of waah waah wibble how dare you say something patriarchal I did is patriarchal. After all, if this issue is so unimportant, your time would be much better spent on something else, instead of remonstrating in the tone of someone who just finished a bag of glue.

Just kidding, obv. I'd never be unrealistic enough to expect that!

Just curious what percentage of women don't change their name on marriage. Anecdotally, i don't know a single one, in my extended family or friends. Ages range from the very old to eat twenties. Could be that I'm in a bubble, or could be that non-namechangers are over represented on here.

*early twenties