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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner expects me to take his son to my family but never take my dd to his

343 replies

Salinovina · 15/02/2019 12:27

Hello everyone

Really need advice on this one

I have been with my partner for 3 years, I have a 8yo dd and he has a 13yo son

His has full custody of his son. So here's the story, my sister helps me babysit my dd because I work on the weekends and my partner doesn't want to look after my daughter during his days off ( which I understand and I am ready to accept ). My sister picks up her niece in the morning and brings her back at 7pm , when I am back. This arrangement was working fine for about 3 months till DP started telling me his son his jealous and feels excluded because " Your sister has a cool house and takes her horse riding , when she comes back she tells him all the cool stuff she has done."

I told my sister , who is very understanding , and she said he could come over too sometimes if he wants. He has been going there the past 3 weekends !!
My dd goes to her grandmother every wednesday afternoon, and my partner now expects me to take him too. When my step-son was celebrating his birthday with his aunts and grandparents, my daughter wasn't invited and she has never spent an afternoon with my partner's parents or siblings.

Now, my sister is taking her daughter to Disneyland for her birthday, and my daughter is going there too. We received an invitation yesterday, and my partner straight away said " He needs to go too, it's not fair. You are treating your child like she is special while you are excluding mine". My sister refuses to take him, she is already taking 5 girls aged 4 to 9 , and thinks a 13yo boy shouldn't be there.

What do you think ? Am I selfish ?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 15/02/2019 13:11

Well this one sounds like a right catch!!
NOT!!!!
Why are you with him?
What are his good points?
And tell him you won't look after his DS until he agrees to look after your DD.
Jeez. You really need to get your big girl pants on with this one.
He's taking the piss.
And NO, he doesn't get to go to Disneyland.
And YES, a 13YO boy around all those young girls would be weird and I'm sure he'd bloody hate it.
Your DP is a twat!

outpinked · 15/02/2019 13:11

He sounds like an absolute prick. He won’t look after your DD while you work but fully expects your family to look after his DS and even take him away on holiday Shock. He can’t have it both ways and I would be telling him that, or most likely just ending things tbh because this all sounds like too much work.

GummyGoddess · 15/02/2019 13:12

He's perfectly capable of doing nice things with his son like your sister does with your daughter. If his son is envious why hasn't he tried to do something with him?

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 15/02/2019 13:12

At least your sister has a spine, now she needs to step it up and tell your partner to look after his own kid. What a cunt. Get rid of him.

explodingkitten · 15/02/2019 13:12

I treated them equally , when my partner works I take care of his son, but when I am working he won't look after my daughter.

So actually you're the free nanny with benefits....

mintbiscuit · 15/02/2019 13:12

Do you live with DP???!!!

If so there is something VERY wrong with this arrangement in that he doesn’t look after your daughter whilst you are at work. As others said you are being taken for a mug here.

BestestBrownies · 15/02/2019 13:12

What do you think this situation is teaching your daughter OP?

RomanyQueen1 · 15/02/2019 13:13

You can probably see why he was somebody else's cast off now. There's usually something.
YANBU, you seem to have found a twat.

HollowTalk · 15/02/2019 13:13

Why on earth are you with this selfish, entitled dickhead? He's not interested in you or your daughter; he just sees you as a babysitter for his son and he sees your family as people who should look after and treat his son, while he does sfa for your daughter.

HollowTalk · 15/02/2019 13:14

I bet if you were to look at finances etc you'd see even more examples of his entitled behaviour.

Raspberry10 · 15/02/2019 13:15

He’s a massive twat and your sister is a saint.

Original poster
Salinovina · 15/02/2019 13:15

Thank you everyone

  • I tried to tell my dp about how it was unfair that I take his son everywhere while he doesn't want to look aftet my daughter when I was working. He just made me feel guilty telling me his son no longer has a mother while my daughter has both sides of her family and that it's hurtful to his son to see her going away with family members.

His parents are alive and leave about 30 mins away. He also has 2 brothers. On the weekends , his son use to stay with his grandparents , but now my Mil is unwell and cannot look after him.

OP posts:
CardinalCat · 15/02/2019 13:16

He must be absolute dynamite in the sack, because I cannot think of any other reason why you'd want to be with this thick, entitled, man-baby.
Time to start setting out some boundaries and bring some equality of parenting effort into the relationship, or else just call time on the whole thing.

BollocksToBrexit · 15/02/2019 13:16

Why have you allowed this 'man' to treat your DD so badly? What do you think it does to her self asteeem to be rejected by him and his family while you and yours accept and include her step brother?

You're not his partner. You're his free childcare.

Original poster
Salinovina · 15/02/2019 13:17

@mintbiscuit

Yes we live together , in my house.

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 15/02/2019 13:17

He doesn't do much parenting, does he?

CardinalCat · 15/02/2019 13:17

I'm not even suggesting that you exclude his son from things- but can't you DP even see that HE doesn't even lift a finger to help your DD at weekends? It's all so one-sided.

Lovemusic33 · 15/02/2019 13:17

He’s a CF, sounds like he’s happy to use you and your family to look after his son but is not willing to return the favour and include your dd with his family. I would be very pissed off about this. Tell him to get lost.

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2019 13:18

I hate these threads.

You never get straight answers to really obvious questions.

FlagFish · 15/02/2019 13:18

But his son feeling hurt doesn’t explain why HE can’t look after your daughter. He’s answering a different question to the one you’ve asked.

TheABC · 15/02/2019 13:19

He is straying into cocklodger territory. Does he pay anything towards your house?

And as for the guilt trip...Sheesh!

Original poster
Salinovina · 15/02/2019 13:21

@Nanny0gg what's the question ?

OP posts:
cstaff · 15/02/2019 13:22

The question is why cant you look after my daughter while I am at work when your son gets looked after regularly by me and my family - never mind holidays etc. I cant believe you need to ask

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/02/2019 13:22

Wow, he's a prince, isn't he.

So basically he's with you to be a mother to his son, whom he can just about parent, but he's got no desire to be any sort of parent to your DD, because she has other family.

You see this, don't you? You are there purely to be the mother to his son because for whatever reason, his own mother is no longer around.

I'm disgusted with his attitude to you and your DD and I feel horribly sorry for his son who is stuck in the middle of this awful situation, with a Dad who probably would not have much to do with him if he didn't have to (extrapolation from the available info).

Ugh.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/02/2019 13:22

Yes we live together, in my house
Well there's a surprise!!!????

Time he stood on his own two feet.
How long was he a single parent before he found you?
And him guilt tripping you!? NOT OK OP. Not at all OK!
That is not your fault or really your problem.
You are already going above and beyond and he is NOT!

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