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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL taking baby out without telling me

240 replies

avidreader3 · 13/02/2019 23:20

I wanted to get other opinions on this as I'm not sure whether I'm being overly sensitive about it.

My MIL is currently visiting, we see her every few weeks, so she isn't too familiar with the baby. Earlier today she was in the house playing with the baby. I popped upstairs for a few minutes. Next thing I hear is the front door shut. I look outside the window and see her walking down the street with the baby in the pram and the dog. She hadn't told us she was going out, she had my handbag in the pram and the dog hadn't even got his collar on.

I had a bit of a rant at my partner about this and he phoned her and told her to come back. Apparently she was just going for a walk, couldn't find the dog collar so didn't put it on and knew my handbag was in there but didn't think much of it. Plus she doesn't seem to think it's weird to just take my 5 month old baby away from me without telling me.

I still feel wound up about it. Is this weird behaviour or do I need to chill out?

OP posts:

Catsinthecupboard · 15/02/2019 18:38

It's normal to tell people when you leave the house.
For all sorts of reasons.
(I had an evil mil and my dm was very good to dh. So it's not a mil issue? More good manners?)

Mississippilessly · 15/02/2019 18:38

Completely bizarre thing to do. I'd be pissed off too.

Thecreosotekid · 15/02/2019 18:40

That is seriously weird behaviour.

I can’t imagine dashing out the house with my DGDs while DD & DSIL were upstairs without asking if it was ok to take them for a walk. Even if they’d left me to look after them, I’d still send a message if I decided to go out just to let them know. It’s just courtesy. With my own DC I’d still have let anyone in the house know if we were going out. You don’t just up and sneak out unless you are tryIng to leave undetected for any reason. The behaviour with the breast feeding midwife was also bloody odd.

callmeadoctor · 15/02/2019 18:43

She sounds unhinged IIH!!

Pashal2 · 15/02/2019 18:50

Is the child's grandmother a mass murderess or kidnapper? If your mother had done this would you be as upset?

ineedaholidaynow · 15/02/2019 18:58

Even if people are ok with MIL (or a DM) taking a baby out without telling the parents first (and I wouldn't be happy about that or dream of doing such a thing) why would anyone think it is ok to take a dog out without a collar or a lead, especially when you are also looking after a baby. If the dog ran off, what would you do?

Thecreosotekid · 15/02/2019 19:01

It’s not about OPs MIL being a potential mass murderer or kidnapped. It’s just bloody weird behaviour to bundle someone else’s DC and pet out the door without sayIng a word .

I wouldn’t do that when I go stay with DD and family and can’t imagine either her or DSIL being upstairs and me doing that without asking them if it was ok. It’s just weird to hurry out (without even putting a collar or lead on the dog) without telling anyone what you’re going to do.

LizzieBananas · 15/02/2019 19:08

If someone left with my handbag, baby and dog, I would call the police.

I don’t care if you want to call me over-dramatic.

I don’t even have a baby yet and just the suggestion makes me panic.

ReaganSomerset · 15/02/2019 19:11

Is the child's grandmother a mass murderess or kidnapper? If your mother had done this would you be as upset?

I think the bar for 'people who can wander off with my child without my knowledge or permission' ought to be a teeny tiny bit higher than 'not a mass murderer or kidnapper' tbh.

And, I can't speak for the OP, but I would be incredibly p1ssed off if my own mother (or anyone else, really) did this.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/02/2019 19:13

Maybe she left in a hurry because she needed to hide the murder weapon.

ReaganSomerset · 15/02/2019 19:24

@SnuggyBuggy unlikely. Unless this is a massive dripfeed, no one was murdered during the visit and surely she'd have disposed of the weapons from any prior murders before visiting?

MissConductUS · 15/02/2019 19:27

If someone left with my handbag, baby and dog, I would call the police.

^This! How was OP supposed to know wtf had happened if MIL just waltzed out the door with all three?

sparkling123 · 15/02/2019 19:33

That's really out of order. Try to tell her in a nice way that she needs to ask you about things like this before hand. Absolutely crackers behaviour on her part. Leave DP out of it, if he doesn't 'get' it you need to do this directly with MIL.

Creambeforejam · 15/02/2019 19:38

Really?!?? Overreacting much! Did your husband have concerns about his upbringing? Was his mum abusive? Did she good a good job with the son that you know call your husband? Is she mentally stable? Had she left for more than 30 minutes? If you have no concerns about any of the above, then maybe you are being OTT. Is this really so 'fucking wierd'? A little misjudgement on MIL part considering but yor are here painting her like a horror story. I feel sorry for MILs- not allowed alone time with their GC although their sons that you played no part in bringing up are perfect life partners.

sighrollseyes · 15/02/2019 19:39

To me it doesn't matter what age the child is she left without telling you.
Even if she just took the dog out without telling you that would be bad enough!

Creambeforejam · 15/02/2019 19:40

did she do a good job with the son that you now call your husband?

Creambeforejam · 15/02/2019 19:43

I can see the issue but I think you should take it in good faith and have a chat about it for the future. Simple enough.

Smoggle · 15/02/2019 19:45

Is this really so 'fucking wierd'?
Yes, it's really really really weird!

I wouldn't even leave my own house with my own baby and not tell my dh I was going if he'd nipped upstairs

MissConductUS · 15/02/2019 19:46

did she do a good job with the son that you now call your husband?

So if she has a good driving record, would it be okay for her to grab the keys and drive off in OP's car without asking? She clearly has problems with the boundary between "mine" and "not mine".

Witchend · 15/02/2019 19:55

If I was home with dh, I'd tell him before I left the house unless he was asleep or some other reason why he would be better not to be disturbed, and he would for me. Not because we don't trust each other, but from simple courtesy plus lets say I didn't tell him, then another time he assumed I'd taken the toddler and actually they'd got out of the door...

Also with my dc I always say to them if they don't ask for something like that, then I take it as they assumed I would say no (they're not always right though), so the response they get is the same as if they'd directly disobeyed. They have admitted that almost always I am correct on that.

Juells · 15/02/2019 20:05

HRTFT but must admit I wouldn't have thought it odd for someone to wheel a baby out for a little walk in a pram, but would find it odd that she did it with your handbag in the pram and the dog with no lead on!

neveradullmoment99 · 15/02/2019 20:06

YANBU. I cannot imagine how that is the right thing to do on any level. She had no right. I would have been furious.

neveradullmoment99 · 15/02/2019 20:10

I have also school age children and am a gran. No way would I be happy to have that done to me by my MIL and there is no way I would have done that to my daughter in law. There is nothing wrong with taking your grandchild out, with the ok being given by the parents.

Creambeforejam · 15/02/2019 20:10

Calm people, the baby is safe. It is just a matter of OP making the boundaries clear. My goodness! Mumsnetters - everything is so heightened. Talk to your husbands mum. And baby isn't the same as a car. Also remember, with other cultures (where the extended family is actually functional) no one will even butt an eyelid. I am African, personally I will be thrilled that my inlaws feel that they can make some independent decisions about my children. I can always disagree. It's about trust at the end of the day. I know my mum will always make the best decision for my children. She is allowed to pop to the shop for 5 minutes with baby. But I know she will tell me though, not to receive permission but just so I don't worry where they are.

NotStressedOut · 15/02/2019 20:12

Shocking. Does she have Dementia? Maybe she should get checked out.

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