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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL taking baby out without telling me

240 replies

avidreader3 · 13/02/2019 23:20

I wanted to get other opinions on this as I'm not sure whether I'm being overly sensitive about it.

My MIL is currently visiting, we see her every few weeks, so she isn't too familiar with the baby. Earlier today she was in the house playing with the baby. I popped upstairs for a few minutes. Next thing I hear is the front door shut. I look outside the window and see her walking down the street with the baby in the pram and the dog. She hadn't told us she was going out, she had my handbag in the pram and the dog hadn't even got his collar on.

I had a bit of a rant at my partner about this and he phoned her and told her to come back. Apparently she was just going for a walk, couldn't find the dog collar so didn't put it on and knew my handbag was in there but didn't think much of it. Plus she doesn't seem to think it's weird to just take my 5 month old baby away from me without telling me.

I still feel wound up about it. Is this weird behaviour or do I need to chill out?

OP posts:
burritofan · 14/02/2019 15:50

@Cantbeattheeightiesmusic Why would MIL call up the stairs if she thought OP & her husband were having a quickie, as per your earlier theory?

Besides, you don't tell someone you're taking their baby; you ask if you can – and wait for a response.

CripsSandwiches · 14/02/2019 15:55

I can't believe anyone thinks it's a normal thing to do. Not knowing her perhaps it was just a mistaken attempt to help but it's odd to just abscond with a baby. I wouldn't be happy to return downstairs and find my baby gone without knowing how long for etc.

cathf · 14/02/2019 15:57

No I am not 'the' MIL. What a silly thing to say and rather indicitive of the drama on this thread.
For the record, I am neither a MIL or a grandmother. Although I still have school age children, I am probably older than most posters on this thread, which means that (a) I probably should not be allowed anywhere near a baby as I do not have the wealth of knowledge that new parents on MN have, and (b) I just don't 'get' 99% of this kind of drama llama threads.
Being a mum seems to be such a hysterical trauma now, with the constant posturing and martyrdom evidenced on here.
OP - were you REALLY worried, but or was it just an opportunity to show what a great mum you are and how you can't bear to be parted from 'your' (and presumably your dh's) baby? With a little bit of MIL finger-wagging thrown in for good measure?

dreamingofsun · 14/02/2019 15:58

sorry cant read all this.....does she have early stage dementia and no-one has noticed?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/02/2019 16:00

Am I the only person wondering if the MIL has some kind of dementia? Her behaviour just sounds so strange. Who on earth takes someone else's baby for a walk and a dog without a lead (that they don't even know very well).

Either way I don't think she's safe to be unsupervised around either...

Bellatrix14 · 14/02/2019 16:03

I’d actually be more annoyed about the dog than the baby if I’m honest. I get that it is unacceptable to take someone’s baby out without telling them (and I would still be very cross about it!) but unless you have concerns about your MIL’s character or mental health then at least your baby was safe in the pram. The dog on the other hand could very easily have dashed in to the road and been run over or caused an accident, which not only would be awful but also wouldn’t have been covered by most insurance policies (if he is insured) as some idiot took him out without a collar and a lead on!

It’s very weird behaviour, I would make it very clear to her how unhappy you are about it. And on a secondary note, does your dog normally not wear a collar in the house? I’d just be a bit worried about him getting out by accident and getting lost Confused

CaptainBrickbeard · 14/02/2019 16:04

cathf why are ‘her’ and ‘your’ in quotation marks in your posts? Don’t you think the baby is actually OP’s?

ohfourfoxache · 14/02/2019 16:07

What did she say when she came back?

sonjadog · 14/02/2019 16:12

I think I would be more annoyed about the dog than about the baby.

Lizzie48 · 14/02/2019 16:14

That's true, @sonjadog as that was actually illegal apart from anything else. Hmm

Littlebighorn · 14/02/2019 16:18

Anyone else thinking the OP and her DH were upstairs DTD and MIL wanted to give them some privacy? Wink

SnuggyBuggy · 14/02/2019 16:23

Do people really go upstairs for a shag when they have guests?

Itsallamysterytome · 14/02/2019 16:28

Has you MIL done or said anything 'off' recently? Has she forgotten things like PIN numbers or phone numbers?
This is something my mum would have done in the very early stages of dementia.

My mum would occasionally and temporarily confuse my DSs with my brother and therefore think it perfectly reasonable to take 'her' son out to the shops.
Did she tell you about the handbag and dog or did she respond to your questions with poorly thought out reasons when asked?

I could be way off, but It may be worth paying extra attention for slight confusion, name mix ups etc.

EyeOfTheTigger · 14/02/2019 16:36

Are you in the UK OP, or in warmer climes? It's pretty cold in the UK so I would assume the baby would need to be wrapped up in coat, hat and maybe blanket. If she managed to do all that then she must have jumped up to do it the moment you went upstairs because it usually takes a good few mins to get baby dressed right, into pram etc. That shows intent, and taking the dog without collar or lead shows she wanted to get out very quickly before you caught her in the act. What was her explanation when she got back?

Changingagain · 14/02/2019 16:41

I wouldn't even walk out of my own house, on my own, without letting the other people who were in know. It's common courtesy and means they're not wondering where you've gone or worrying about what happened to you. To take someone elses child, dog and bag from their house without saying anything is plain nuts.

To the people who think it's ok. If you were visiting a friends house, would you up and leave without saying anything while they were out of the room?

DarlingNikita · 14/02/2019 16:42

When the midwife turned up, MIL first wouldn't give me the baby and then wouldn't leave the room to give me privacy while i struggled to feed the baby.

That's an early red flag, isn't it.

I'd have read her the riot act for any ONE of the baby, the pram and the handbag. I wouldn't let her be in a room with the baby (or the dog!) alone from now on and I'd tell her clearly why.

I'd rip my DP a new one if he shrugged off this kind of shit as well.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/02/2019 16:49

cathf is likely the OP's MIL and feels that babies aren't owned by anyone in particular.

Of course the baby belongs to OP. Of course the MIL should ASK before taking the baby anywhere. Of course OP was upset; her child was taken without her permission. You can bleat about "frothing" posters, but what OPs MIL did was wrong, no question. Dismissing anyone's upset over their child is the fastest way to be removed from the child's life.

ravenmum · 14/02/2019 16:50

If she does think she was doing you a favour by letting your dog out onto the street and not checking if it was OK to take the baby out, she needs to have that impression corrected very firmly.

RedBerryTea · 14/02/2019 16:51

"OP - were you REALLY worried?" I take it you are not a dog owner? If someone visiting me decided to disappear with my dog without telling me and without the dog's collar or lead I would be REALLY worried, unless my house was in the middle of rolling fields with no roads for miles. It's such an irresponsible thing to do and probably worse than taking the baby without checking with mum and dad (which is bad enough). If they don't have public liability insurance for the dog, if it had caused an accident on the road it could have financially ruined them.

talktoo · 14/02/2019 16:56

QunitaDiMalago, seriously, calm down. You seem to exist in extremes. There is a massive gap between your position of thinking there is nothing weird about MIL stealthily taking baby and collarless dog out and your petulant sarcasm of cutting off all ties. You are quite alone on this one. The behaviour of MIL was not right and I wouldn't trust THIS MIL based on THIS MILs actions. That doesn't mean I'm a MIL hating commenter. This MIL stepped way over the line.

Cantbeattheeightiesmusic · 14/02/2019 17:29

This reply has been deleted

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Motoko · 14/02/2019 17:40

Anyone else thinking the OP and her DH were upstairs DTD and MIL wanted to give them some privacy?

No.

Why on earth would they be having a shag while MIL is visiting? What a stupid thing to suggest.

I really don't understand how anyone can think that what the MIL did is acceptable.

I also find it ironic that on another MIL thread, QuintadiMalago is portraying herself as being a considerate MIL, and posters are telling her how lovely she is! They obviously haven't seen her posts on this one.

cathf · 14/02/2019 17:54

Fudge.
sigh I am not the MIL for the for the second time.

Floralnomad · 14/02/2019 18:00

A baby wouldn’t have needed to be that wrapped up in the SE today , it’s positively balmy ( or was earlier) . I’d be absolutely furious particularly about the dog , it doesn’t matter whether she is the MIL , mother , sister or neighbour it’s a bizarre thing to do .

Smotheroffive · 14/02/2019 19:34

Was she going to leave baby unstrapped outside shop, with ddog left loose!