Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL taking baby out without telling me

240 replies

avidreader3 · 13/02/2019 23:20

I wanted to get other opinions on this as I'm not sure whether I'm being overly sensitive about it.

My MIL is currently visiting, we see her every few weeks, so she isn't too familiar with the baby. Earlier today she was in the house playing with the baby. I popped upstairs for a few minutes. Next thing I hear is the front door shut. I look outside the window and see her walking down the street with the baby in the pram and the dog. She hadn't told us she was going out, she had my handbag in the pram and the dog hadn't even got his collar on.

I had a bit of a rant at my partner about this and he phoned her and told her to come back. Apparently she was just going for a walk, couldn't find the dog collar so didn't put it on and knew my handbag was in there but didn't think much of it. Plus she doesn't seem to think it's weird to just take my 5 month old baby away from me without telling me.

I still feel wound up about it. Is this weird behaviour or do I need to chill out?

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 14/02/2019 19:52

Here is me wishing my mil had done similar. ..
Ddog would have eaten her!!
Mil disappeared..
No evidence.
Perfect.
Wink

gilchrist168 · 14/02/2019 20:12

Mil here and Gran.
No way would I have done that.
Perhaps washed the dishes without asking permission.
But never, ever, would I go out with baby, without the parents ok.
Worrying behaviour indeed, and definitely NOT ON.

Original poster
avidreader3 · 14/02/2019 20:58

Just to clarify, we did NOT go upstairs to DTD, I would not do that with guests downstairs! OH had decided to have a 20 minute nap and i had just taken a load of washing upstairs to sort out (as she was visiting for a few days so i needed to do a couple of chores while she was here).

Yes i was worried about the dog as she would've had to walk along the road and cross another couple of roads to go for a walk. I was also concerned as there are a couple of aggressive dogs in our area and she would not have known them to avoid them.

She did put the baby in a coat. I don't think she's a danger to my baby, just thoughtless with her actions. I did tell her i was surprised at her going out without saying anything. She seemed nonchalant and unapologetic about it.

I don't think she has dementia as she's not that old and she has a history of strange behaviour. It seems to be the way she is.

OP posts:
JRMisOdious · 14/02/2019 21:09

*QuintadiMalago

Are you MIL 😁 Yes, he did survive, but formed the opinion that his mother is “not normal”. She clearly has very little inkling about dogs if she takes one out on public roads with no collar or lead. Wonder if she took poo bags?

Fuckertyfickfack · 14/02/2019 21:26

I was going to say perhaps she has something going on such as early onset dementia but if she's always been like this I'd just assume she's odd and not leave her alone with the baby again. It's a shame that she feels the need to go so quickly that she doesn't even have time to secure the dog properly. What on earth she was doing with your handbag is a mystery to me as well. Strange woman! You'd at least say "I'm going to take baby and dog for a walk for a bit, grab some fresh air" wouldn't you?

Amallamard · 14/02/2019 22:01

I'd have been more pissed off about the dog with no collar or lead! I don't suppose the baby would come to much harm being pushed around in a buggy but anything could have happened to the dog.

Whichever way you look at it though, it's very fucking odd to walk off with someone else's baby and dog without saying anything. As someone previously said. Had she just asked first, and found the dog's collar an lead, then it could have been a nice gesture. Being a grandparent doesn't give you the right to do whatever you like, whenever you like with a child, especially without informing the parents.

Yidette86 · 14/02/2019 22:41

Why are the ones disagreeing with the OP so angry and aggressive in their posts? Confused

Mysterycat23 · 14/02/2019 22:42

Wtf. Who takes a baby and a dog out without saying anything! The non apologetic attitude is massively confirming her intentions there. She intended to piss everyone off and play merry hell.

Draw a line now OP and never leave her alone with baby ever again. Access to grandchildren is not a right, it's a privilege she does not deserve.

littlebillie · 14/02/2019 22:45

Draw the LiINE now and be really pissed off about the dog

ravenmum · 15/02/2019 08:54

You might want to consider moving from "I'm surprised by your actions" to "Don't do that again", showing your annoyance openly and pointing out that she was putting the dog's life at risk. Some people need firmer boundaries. It could improve your relationship.

ReaganSomerset · 15/02/2019 09:04

Why are the ones disagreeing with the OP so angry and aggressive in their posts?

They may be defensive because they've done something similar in the past.

LunafortJest · 15/02/2019 09:24

Seeing the baby every few weeks is what I would definitely call familiar, almost living with you. Most MILs only see the grandkids every few months, some once a year depending on where they live. Haven't RTFT but yeah I would definitely read her the riot act for that. Why does she think that is in any way acceptable? How would she feel if her MIL just suddenly decided to pop her son when he was a baby in her pram and take him without even telling her? It seems she is over-familiar with you guys and spends so much time with you that she thinks she can just come and go with the baby as she pleases. She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that it is absolutely unacceptable, as a mother you'd think she know better. I would restrict the amount of time she sees the baby tbh. Tbh it sounds like she sees the baby more than enough.

Hittapotamus · 15/02/2019 09:30

Seeing the baby every few weeks is what I would definitely call familiar, almost living with you.

My MIL sees our DCs weekly with sole care one morning a week. I do NOT consider her to be living with us nor would I be OK with her walking out the door with them without telling me where she's going! Dog running off without a collar could put the baby at risk if she needs to chase him.

OP your MIL was very irresponsible.

MeredithGrey1 · 15/02/2019 10:05

I do wonder about these frothing threads with posters being livid and furious and outraged by what would be in most families a pretty ordinary and uneventful thing to do.

Oh come on, you can’t possibly think this isn’t an odd thing to do. Its absolutely nothing to do with being possessive over the baby, I would still think it was odd if it was the other way round - if OP and the baby had been visiting MIL, MIL popped briefly upstairs and OP left with baby without mentioning anything, that would also be a weird thing to do.

Lizzie48 · 15/02/2019 10:05

Why are the ones disagreeing with the OP so angry and aggressive in their posts?

I think this might be because there are so many MIL threads on here and there are a few posters who side with the MIL whatever the OP might be cross about. There are also a few on almost every thread who will disagree with the OP whatever the subject of the thread (because this is AIBU 😂).

In this case, it's hard to see why anyone could defend the MIL's actions, especially taking a dog for a walk without a collar or lead. It's illegal!!

EyeOfTheTigger · 15/02/2019 10:11

Most MILs only see the grandkids every few months, some once a year depending on where they live

What a load of rubbish. Not everyone lives hundreds of miles away from their family. I certainly wouldn't say that 'most' see their DGC every few months.

Yidette86 · 15/02/2019 13:33

I can understand there's quite a few anti MIL threads but as pointed out, this MIL is clearly in the wrong on this occasion.

I just don't understand why people can't articulate their opinions without being so nasty and aggressive. Although looking at some of the posters and their posts on other threads, I don't necessarily think they are defensive because they are MILS, they seem to have a history of not being able to express themselves in a cival manner no matter what the topic is, one is particular I think is rather 'anti mother' that isn't herself and loves to go on the attack at other mothers who have posted Hmm

Yidette86 · 15/02/2019 13:34

*civil

BlimeyCalmDown · 15/02/2019 18:05

early stages of dementia!?

TriciaH87 · 15/02/2019 18:06

Tell her taking the dog without the collar is against the law and if he ran off you would struggle to get him back. More importantly taking the baby without your consent is abduction. She does not know if your child is due a feed etc. As a parent you decide who takes your child out and when. She should ask first.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/02/2019 18:07

I know half the threads about anyone over 50 lead to the dementia question but I think it's a fair question here

wLuytgNx · 15/02/2019 18:23

Instead of saying she is weird and did it on purpose... lets first see how old she is? Is she at risk of dementia for example, my grandma used to think she was back in time and that I was her child and wander off with me thinking I was hers, she genuinely meant no harm and no idea that she was in fact in 2004 and not the early 60's.

Dippypippy1980 · 15/02/2019 18:26

My brother and sister in law lived with me when they had their first child, we are very close. I would never have left the house with him without checking first.

He is eleven now - and I still let them know if we are nipping out. It’s just manners.

Giraffey1 · 15/02/2019 18:28

Not ok, she should have asked,

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2019 18:35

@cathf

For the record, I am neither a MIL or a grandmother.

I am both.

Although I still have school age children, I am probably older than most posters on this thread, which means that (a) I probably should not be allowed anywhere near a baby as I do not have the wealth of knowledge that new parents on MN have, and (b) I just don't 'get' 99% of this kind of drama llama threads.

I bet I'm a fair bit older than you.

Being a mum seems to be such a hysterical trauma now, with the constant posturing and martyrdom evidenced on here.

What nonsense. I'd have felt the same as the OP if my MiL had done the same to me.

OP - were you REALLY worried, but or was it just an opportunity to show what a great mum you are and how you can't bear to be parted from 'your' (and presumably your dh's) baby? With a little bit of MIL finger-wagging thrown in for good measure?

It was a thoughtless and stupid thing to do. What would have happened if the uncontrolled dog had run in the road or gone for another dog (or god forbid, a child?)
Why would anyone take a 5 month old baby out without checking with the parents first?

Swipe left for the next trending thread