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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL taking baby out without telling me

240 replies

avidreader3 · 13/02/2019 23:20

I wanted to get other opinions on this as I'm not sure whether I'm being overly sensitive about it.

My MIL is currently visiting, we see her every few weeks, so she isn't too familiar with the baby. Earlier today she was in the house playing with the baby. I popped upstairs for a few minutes. Next thing I hear is the front door shut. I look outside the window and see her walking down the street with the baby in the pram and the dog. She hadn't told us she was going out, she had my handbag in the pram and the dog hadn't even got his collar on.

I had a bit of a rant at my partner about this and he phoned her and told her to come back. Apparently she was just going for a walk, couldn't find the dog collar so didn't put it on and knew my handbag was in there but didn't think much of it. Plus she doesn't seem to think it's weird to just take my 5 month old baby away from me without telling me.

I still feel wound up about it. Is this weird behaviour or do I need to chill out?

OP posts:
Motoko · 16/02/2019 12:05

The dementia comments always annoy me. Just because someone is a grandparent, it doesn't necessarily mean they're old. There are plenty of grandparents in their 40s and 50s, and even some in their late 30s! And although some people do unfortunately get early onset dementia, it's not that common.

What is common, is that there are dysfunctional people, who happen to also be grandparents.

ReaganSomerset · 16/02/2019 12:07

Just because someone is a grandparent, it doesn't necessarily mean they're old.

And just because someone is old, it doesn't necessarily mean they have dementia.

LizzieBananas · 16/02/2019 12:24

Dementia is the charitable option.

Otherwise it’s theft of the bag and the dog and possible abduction of the baby.

What would have happened if OP hadn’t seen them leave?

But then, I don’t trust my MIL and may be projecting here.

Motoko · 16/02/2019 14:49

And just because someone is old, it doesn't necessarily mean they have dementia.

Very true too.

Juells · 16/02/2019 15:17

Otherwise it’s theft of the bag and the dog and possible abduction of the baby.

Blimey, I always thought I was very tough and unyielding when it came to my MiL, but if my baby was in the pram it wouldn't have cost me a thought if she or my mother had decided to wheel the pram around outside. I wouldn't have expected either of them to have to ask my permission.

Juells · 16/02/2019 15:23

Smoggle
Juells - wouldn't that be quite weird though, if you went upstairs to put some washing away and came back down to find husband and baby gone?

Fat chance of that 🤣

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/02/2019 15:47

Fascinating, some of the responses on this thread, especially the ones thinking that others are "over-reacting", "frothing", "drama llamas" etc.

The dog had no collar on, let alone a lead, so not only is that illegal, but the MIL had zero chance of controlling the dog if it decided not to listen to her, likely as the dog doesn't really know her.
She took the OP's handbag for no good reason whatsoever except she couldn't be bothered to take it out of the pram, maybe? What if the dog had run off, what was she going to do - chase after it? Leave the baby and the OP's handbag unattended in the pram? Or leave the dog to get killed by a car?

And on top of all that lack of thought or responsibility was the sneakiness of it - waiting til the OP had gone upstairs with a load of washing and then being in such a hurry to leave the house with the baby that she didn't even have time to find a collar for the dog. Plus, if the OP hadn't seen her out the window, who knows when she would have returned! it might have been a few minutes, it might have been a couple of hours, we don't know because the OP DID see her and her DP called the MIL and made her come back.

Finally - no remorse, no apology.

There is no good in this scenario, she wasn't being "helpful", she wasn't being "nice", she just wanted to do what she did and fuck all consequences.

JonNTerry · 17/02/2019 09:59

Hi OP,

Ive read all your replies and i have a feeling she quickly took your baby and dog out while you were upstairs so you didnt have a chance to say no eventhough you said you'd be fine, had she asked.

YANBU i would definately be pissed off

ScafellPoke · 17/02/2019 11:31

It would never have occurred to me to 'tell my husband' that I was taking the baby out for a walk in the pram. If my mother or MiL were every staying, I wouldn't expect them to seek me out if they fancied tootling down the road with the baby in a pram, either.

Not even out of common courtesy juells.... As in ‘just popping out’ shouted up the stairs or ‘nipping to the shop, you want anything?’

Canuckduck · 17/02/2019 13:44

I would’ve been annoyed and but I think insisting that you had no idea where MIL, baby, dog and pram were is a bit silly. Also why didn’t you address it with her yourself when she returned.

labazsisgoingmad · 17/02/2019 18:21

was the baby wearing outdoor warm clothes and pram had bedding? what if dc needed changing or feeding? in the case of the dog its downright irresponsible not having a collar or harness and lead on him outside not to mention illegal

Gth1234 · 17/02/2019 18:23

It's out of order, and many men would not be happy confronting their mothers about this, although they 100% should support their OH.

Ilmk · 18/02/2019 21:25

Wow! I would think this was weird even if she went WITHOUT the baby, handbag and dog...
It is VERY rude and inconsiderate behaviour. I would absolutely be pissed! As others have said, it is a common courtesy to let others in the house know that you are leaving. Even if I’m just ducking out to the shop, I’ll let my husband and kids know (just so they know I am not there). They’d be calling out thinking I’m in the house and getting no reply? Then looking around to find me gone? Very strange!
I would be happy for a family or friend to take Bub for a walk but absolutely would feel gutted if they left without checking. It’s kind of the golden rule and prime responsibility for a parent to know where their child is, so yes she should have popped her head up the stairwell and let you know! (It does seem as though she has deliberately made a run for it when she had the chance which is worrying)

ViolaD77 · 18/02/2019 22:03

That would deeply worry me. Does she have dementia or anything? Tell hubby under no circumstances is she to visit again until she realises the boundaries !!

Namechangeok · 19/02/2019 07:06

My MIL did exactly this apart from we were at her house. I was in the house, speaking to partner about something, she was in the garden with ds (probably 3 months old at the time), I came outside and they had vanished! My phone/purse were underneath the pushchair, that wasn't my issue though tbh, it was the fact I didn't know where my baby was. I couldn't go look as I didn't know the area at all. I told dh and he said baby would be fine, she would have just taken him for a walk, completely dismissing my anxiety over it. They turned up half hour later, it really annoyed me though, he wasn't her baby just to take without asking! She is still quite overbearing with stuff like this.

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