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Original poster

MIL taking baby out without telling me

240 replies

avidreader3 · 13/02/2019 23:20

I wanted to get other opinions on this as I'm not sure whether I'm being overly sensitive about it.

My MIL is currently visiting, we see her every few weeks, so she isn't too familiar with the baby. Earlier today she was in the house playing with the baby. I popped upstairs for a few minutes. Next thing I hear is the front door shut. I look outside the window and see her walking down the street with the baby in the pram and the dog. She hadn't told us she was going out, she had my handbag in the pram and the dog hadn't even got his collar on.

I had a bit of a rant at my partner about this and he phoned her and told her to come back. Apparently she was just going for a walk, couldn't find the dog collar so didn't put it on and knew my handbag was in there but didn't think much of it. Plus she doesn't seem to think it's weird to just take my 5 month old baby away from me without telling me.

I still feel wound up about it. Is this weird behaviour or do I need to chill out?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 14/02/2019 06:23

Just out of curiosity, what were you and your husband getting up to upstairs? How long were you up there?

RhiWrites · 14/02/2019 06:27

As weird as it is to take the baby and dog out, I actually think it’s weirder to take your handbag. Was it actually in the pram? Under the baby? Beside the baby? That just seems bizarre.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/02/2019 06:28

That’s weird, taking your bag and putting no collar on the dog either. Is she generally ok or does she have form for odd behaviour?

SnuggyBuggy · 14/02/2019 06:33

Marking her territory was my first thought

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/02/2019 06:35

Outrageous and completely unacceptable (and frankly weird) behaviour. Your partner needs to have a serious word with her.

HedgePlastic · 14/02/2019 06:39

No really a big deal, I'd let it go.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 14/02/2019 06:40

What a bloody weird thing to do!

I also hate the "Well she raised a child 30 years ago so is obv fit to look after a baby now" brigade. People change, memories fade, and babies are different (plus they belong to someone else now)!!!

AuntieCJ · 14/02/2019 06:48

Not sure why it's such a big problem. She's the baby's grandmother, why shouldn't she take her grandchild around the block in the pram? Weird to take the dog, though.

Would it have been ok if she'd told you first?

ivykaty44 · 14/02/2019 06:52

It’s plain rude. Even if staying somewhere and you leave the house alone it would be rude not to shout goodbye. MIL needs to have basic manners explained

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 14/02/2019 07:00

It’s the not mentioning it that’s weird to me. Why not just ask or call out to you that that is what she was doing? Why not check if you or your husband wanted to join for a nice walk? I’ll freely admit I had MIL issues which have probably clouded my judgement a bit, but I just don’t understand why people think it’s ok to take off with a baby that is not their own, without checking with the parents first. Grandparents or not, it’s not on. And it’s not helpful either.

brookshelley · 14/02/2019 07:02

She's the baby's grandmother, why shouldn't she take her grandchild around the block in the pram?

Without letting anyone know?

What if OP hadn't seen them out the window? And had come down to find no granny, no baby, no dog, and no handbag? Honestly it would cross my mind that someone had broken in to steal the bag and something had happened to MIL dog and baby.

BookwormMe2 · 14/02/2019 07:02

Perhaps she thought you and your partner were alone in the bedroom for a specific reason and was so embarrassed by the thought of overhearing you that she decided to nip out for a walk and give you some privacy? That may be why she didn't shout up the stairs that she was going, so as not to disturb you, and why she left without the lead because she daren't ask where it was?

Aaahhhelp · 14/02/2019 07:02

That is very weird..

MeredithGrey1 · 14/02/2019 07:20

Not sure why it's such a big problem. She's the baby's grandmother, why shouldn't she take her grandchild around the block in the pram?

What if OP hadn’t heard the door and seen MIL out of the window? It is weird to take a child out without any mention of it to the parents who are in the house at the same time.

madeyemoodysmum · 14/02/2019 07:32

Love Mn for teaching all the things NOT to do when I become a grandmother Not that is ever do this. She mad.

Drogosnextwife · 14/02/2019 07:36

I wouldn't even take the dog a walk without mentioning, never mind the baby. That's weird.

anniehm · 14/02/2019 07:38

The no collar on the dog is not only weird but actually illegal too. Is she ok? Lack of judgement can be the early signs of medical issues

burritofan · 14/02/2019 08:10

Why on earth would she think OP & her husband had nipped upstairs for a swift shag?! Some of the "well, maybe she thought" excuses here are reaching for the moon.

Maybe she thought the house was on fire. Maybe the baby suddenly developed speech and said "Granny, let's go outside pronto!" Maybe it was all the dog's idea. Or maaaaaybe the MIL is of the (frankly odd) "demands alone time with the baby" ilk à la so many threads on here.

Going for a walk with the baby: normal. Not asking/mentioning it/checking if it's a good time & getting together dog's collar, lead, baby stuff first: weird.

Original poster
avidreader3 · 14/02/2019 08:12

@QuintadiMalago i get that she was probably thinking she was being helpful, i don't think she's malicious. However, whenever i take my OWN baby out i always let OH know so that he is aware we aren't in the house. Isn't that common courtesy?

Both of her children have a lot of childhood issues that they are trying to work through. Yes ok, she got them to adulthood alive but that's not enough to warrant running off with my baby i'm afraid!

As an example of her behaviour, i had a lot of breastfeeding issues and had the midwife come to watch me breastfeed. When the midwife turned up, MIL first wouldn't give me the baby and then wouldn't leave the room to give me privacy while i struggled to feed the baby. It was very odd, i could tell the midwife thought it was strange.

I'm not going to go no contact, i think that's a bit extreme. However, i don't feel as though i can trust her and feel like I will have to be in the room with them all the time.

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 14/02/2019 08:13

She should have asked you. Well, if she wants to do it again, she certainly will ask!

Original poster
avidreader3 · 14/02/2019 08:15

Just as a side note, if she had actually had the decency to ask, i would've let her go out with them (obviously without my handbag, and with the dog appropriately dressed!). I'm not possessive about the baby but considering the baby even can't walk, crawl, talk yet, i really would like to know where she is at all times. It's not like she was taking a young child out.

OP posts:
CurlsandCurves · 14/02/2019 08:26

Ignoring the fact that she’s the child’s grandparent for a second.

Why on earth would anyone take someone’s child and dog out for a walk without informing the parent? If you were round at your best friends house and suddenly felt the urge to do this, would you not ask, or maybe shout up the stairs ‘ just taking your dd and the dog for a quick walk round the block, is that ok?’

Did the MIL briefly lose the power of speech?

I cannot think of any situation where what this woman did is acceptable, nothing to do with it being her pfb.

Booboostwo · 14/02/2019 09:03

Had she asked, taken the handbag off the stroller and put a collar and lead on the dog it would have been a perfectly ordinary thing to do. But given how she did it either she is trying to wind you up or is in the early stages of dementia. Nothing of what she did was ordinary.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/02/2019 09:10

What did she say when she came back into the house with your baby and your dog OP? Did she even apologise for taking them both out without so much as an "I'm going to take the baby out for a little walk to the end of the road folks, be back in a couple of minutes"???

She's a very strange lady and under no circumstances would I consider leaving the baby alone with her again, even if I were going to the toilet I'd get DH to come into the room so that there is always one of us in the room when she is there.

Bizarre behaviour!

Sindragosan · 14/02/2019 09:11

It is a bit odd, especially if you'd happily have let her take everyone for a walk.

I've never had anyone stay who hasn't said when they're nipping out themselves, never mind with anyone else.

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