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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL taking baby out without telling me

240 replies

avidreader3 · 13/02/2019 23:20

I wanted to get other opinions on this as I'm not sure whether I'm being overly sensitive about it.

My MIL is currently visiting, we see her every few weeks, so she isn't too familiar with the baby. Earlier today she was in the house playing with the baby. I popped upstairs for a few minutes. Next thing I hear is the front door shut. I look outside the window and see her walking down the street with the baby in the pram and the dog. She hadn't told us she was going out, she had my handbag in the pram and the dog hadn't even got his collar on.

I had a bit of a rant at my partner about this and he phoned her and told her to come back. Apparently she was just going for a walk, couldn't find the dog collar so didn't put it on and knew my handbag was in there but didn't think much of it. Plus she doesn't seem to think it's weird to just take my 5 month old baby away from me without telling me.

I still feel wound up about it. Is this weird behaviour or do I need to chill out?

OP posts:

pallisers · 14/02/2019 02:04

She raised your partner and he's survived so as much as it pissed you off. She may just have an inkling about children and possibly dogs.

Anyone who decides to take a dog who usually walks on a lead for a walk without a lead really doesn't have an inkling about dogs. Anyone who has an inkling about humans will shout up the stairs "is it ok if I take baby for a walk".

And I never understand this kind of comment - she reared you/your dh/whoever and your survived (like that is an achievement) so she is fine. My dh's dad wasn't the worst dad. I was very fond of him as it happens. Dh has more issues with him because of how he was as a father. We would never have let FIL treat our children the way he treated dh and his siblings. Never. Yeah dh and sibs were reared and pretty successfully too. Successfully enough that they wanted better for their own children.

Italiangreyhound · 14/02/2019 02:09

QuintadiMalago

"There are so many way over the top replies it's hard to believe that you all mean what you've said. I think it's really sad that so many women just don't trust their Mil's."

I totally trust my mother in law. But then she has never walked out with my child without a word to me. Ever. In 14 years.

It's not a normal thing to do. And I would not trust someone who could do something so stupid. The dog could have been run over, the OP could have been seriously upset and it's also ilegal to take someone's child without permission even if you happen to be related to them.

Being helpful would be "I am popping to the shops, do you need anything, shall I take baby for a walk in the pram, shall I take the dog, where's the lead, oh don't let me take your bag, you may need that. Not just walking out, no word, dog and baby!

QuintadiMalago · 14/02/2019 02:11

As I said earlier, and many posters have ignored, go no contact immediately, just cut her out of your life. She is clearly a narcissistic bitch. She managed to raise your DP but that still means she's totally untrustworthy. She obviously planned this to get your baby on her own for her own nefarious purposes. Nip it in the bud now.
She has no respect for your boundaries at all. Won't somebody think of the dog?
Report her to anyone you can think of. Police, RSPCA, NSPCC. Phone 111

Smotheroffive · 14/02/2019 02:14

QuintadiMalago
You would take your DCs baby? Without saying anything? Not even your DD s but your dd's! You think thats ok just to waltz out the door, so quickly you even took dil handbag, and the ddog not even on a lead?

Well then you do deserve a slating
It's not her DC,very basic rules. Very simole and basic, shocked that anyone would think it s an OK thing to do!

Motoko · 14/02/2019 02:17

When you're a Mil you'll obviously all be perfect

How do you know the people replying to this thread are not already MILs?

We just understand healthy boundaries. It's fucking obvious that she was being sneaky about taking the baby out, otherwise she would have asked.

Anyway, thought you were going back to Twitter.

ChasedByBees · 14/02/2019 02:17

That was a weird and inappropriate thing to do. It’s got nothing to do with MIL hating, it would be inappropriate from anyone. Hell, if OP’s partner waited for her to go upstairs and then took the baby out without telling her, that would also be inappropriate.

I would have been furious.

QuintadiMalago · 14/02/2019 02:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bibijayne · 14/02/2019 02:18

@QuintadiMalago

She's untrustworthy because she did and untrustworthy thing. How she did/ for not raise OP's husband is irrelevant. It is her behaviour now that is of concern.

It takes seconds to find a collar and put a lead on a dog. It takes seconds to call upstairs and say she's popping out for a walk. If she had called up, she could have asked for the location of the dog collar. She did not. That is weird and unacceptable behaviour.

Not quite sure why you're trying to defend it TBH.

joyfullittlehippo · 14/02/2019 02:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyHardy · 14/02/2019 02:23

I would be irked by this too OP but she probably was trying to be helpful. The fact she took the dog with her as well as the baby means she was probably trying to do something helpful and give you and your husband some time alone. I don't agree with her for not telling you and it is definitely misguided but I think maybe put your pitch fork down and calm down a bit. She is your MIL, like it or not. Ask DP to talk to her and remind her that although you appreciate the thought it's dangerous to have the dog out without a lead and to ask your permission before taking the baby in future.

Italiangreyhound · 14/02/2019 02:24

pfb - so what! All babies are precious and I do not know a single person ever who has walked out the door with a baby or child without the mum's/dad's permission.

And, again, My MIL is wonderful, I love her to bits. One of the things that makes her wonderful is she doesn't overstep my boundaries and she loves me and the kids, and dh of course, and would never put me through the worry of wondering where my baby was.

DonkeyHotei · 14/02/2019 02:33

I'm not the MIL ( ) and at the risk of being at the bottom of a big pile on, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it. I'd probably think it was a bit weird that she didn't shout upstairs to say she was popping out but after that chances are I'd think it was nice that she'd taken my DC out for some air and hope she'd done it with the thought in mind that she was giving me a break. All this depends as to whether I thought she was generally trustworthy etc. plus whether the baby was dressed right ....but all that considered, it'd be a really minor issue in the MIL list of transgressions for me. Point is, it wasn't for you OP, and that's fair enough. That being the case, you need to tell her.

twoheaped · 14/02/2019 02:41

Taking baby, fine. Taking the dog without being fully in control of him, not okay.

brookshelley · 14/02/2019 02:43

QuintadiMalago you accused everyone who doesn't agree with you of not being able to read properly. Not sure what hive mind has to do with that really.

Even DH would tell me if he's taking the baby outside, he wouldn't have me come downstairs and find them gone along with my handbag.

MIL is very weird here, at best thoughtless at worst possessive.

Cantbeattheeightiesmusic · 14/02/2019 02:47

Maybe she thought you and your DH were upstairs having a "quickie', felt awkward and embarrassed, so hurriedly went out.

Whatever her reason for popping out, I think the posters calling her sick, twisted, evil etc are being completely over the top and nasty.

QuintadiMalago · 14/02/2019 03:14

I'm quite sure that I haven't ranted on for dozens of posts or dominated the thread. All I've done is disagree with the majority of over the top posters.

Mummylife2018 · 14/02/2019 03:29

She clearly ran out of that door as quick as possible, hence the no dog lead! No time to remove handbag just go go go. Weird 🤨

Snowflakes1122 · 14/02/2019 03:35

Could she be losing the plot? Serious question.

SpareASquare · 14/02/2019 03:45

Had you not looked out the window and seen her I'd have a completely different response but you did so, tbh, this just made me laugh.
Add in the mental picture and I just think it's funny. I would have just let her go and spoken about it when she got back.

pallisers · 14/02/2019 04:10

Forget the baby, are you all ok with someone taking your dog for a walk off-lead?

My dog would be likely to be dead from chasing a squirrel within 10 minutes.

Who does that?

kateandme · 14/02/2019 04:20

no matter how trusting or able.or how much I loved her I wouldn't want anyone taking my dc out even dp without at least leaving a note.at any age.

Marcipex · 14/02/2019 04:35

It's plain she seized her chance while you were busy. Any normal person would wait until you were back, ask, not take a dog without it's collar etc. She didn't mean to 'help', she just meant to get the baby alone.
I would be livid, too livid to hide it. Some very plain speaking would happen.

Playmytune · 14/02/2019 05:05

@QuintadiMalago To be honest your posts haven’t made much sense! Perhaps Twitter is missing you, so probably better to go back there, as you said you were going too.
I don’t understand how anyone could ever think mil’s behaviour in this situation is okay? She needs to be given a very stern warning that she respects boundaries and doesn’t overstep them again! If not then she will be limited to short visits where she never gets alone time with your db again. Does she have other problems as well, given that dh says that you both know she is not normal?
To take dear dog without a lead is also reckless and stupid!

Cantbeattheeightiesmusic · 14/02/2019 05:32

Quintads posts have made sense to me.

It's other posters comments that I find bloody ridiculous tbh.
Fair enough it's odd that mil just quickly went out (that's if she hasn't any reason at all, such as the one I previously mentioned), but I can't believe how posters are basically tarnishing her as some sort of 'psycho' (for want of a better word)

To come out with stupid comments about her (like she should be banished from seeing the child etc etc) is nuts!

She went out. Yes the dog should have by as s lead, but he didn't. She's the child's grandma! FFS ... stop being so dramatic.
OP, did you actually ask why she went out without saying anything?

Oceanbliss · 14/02/2019 05:53

joyfullittlehippo

I swear someone could start a thread saying their MIL hired a hitman to get rid of them, and you'd still get the "MILs can do no wrong ever" brigade throwing tantrums.

That had me laughing so hard I nearly peed myself. So, so true

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