DSF saying 4 month olds flirts

[LLOE7]

My DSF (step father) has said a few times to my 4 month old dd "look at you giving it the big eyes, you're flirting with me aren't you!" When she smiles at him. I've always ignored it as I know it's harmless but it's not sitting right with me. Today we went to the vets and my dd smiled at him to which he said to the receptionist "she's always flirting with me now" and then turned and said to dd "you shouldn't be flirting with ME- I'm your grandad!". This made me feel so uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed as the receptionist raised her eyebrow and gave an awkward smile. Is this just something that's said, or am I right in thinking it's a bit weird?
WIBU to tell him to stop?

Red flag. Don't leave her alone with him.

Babies always flirt with adults of the opposite sex. There's nothing weird about it. In fact, DS2 was still doing it in nursery class at school.

These kinds of things look different from the eyes of a child than they do when you are an adult. Children are conditioned to accept this behaviour as normal, they don't know any better and they don't have choices. Looking back on my childhood there were definitely things that were abusive but I didn't know at the time. Having my own children again brings a new perspective as you wonder how someone could have done this to you as a child.

What you describe is in no way normal or acceptable. Think of your behaviour with your DH. Would you have sex where your DCs could hear and possibly see you? Would you lock a child in a balcony so you could have sex? Would you forget the child in the balcony? Would you force your DC to risk seeing a man naked when she had told you it made her feel uncomfortable?

These things are very scary to discover about your childhood and about your parents. I am sorry all this was done to you.

PhilomenaButterfly sure, all babies are sexual beings and heterosexual to boot! Also RTFT!

Tinkly that's the most sensible post I've read on this thread. Weirdly, DD seemed to have a preference for black men too. We're white. Maybe it's people different from their own family?

Booboos there's nothing sexual in it. There is attraction though.

And learning that they can wrap adults round their little fingers.

I had the same issue recently with SIL. She said our DS is a little flirt because he was smiling and turning his face away i really don't understand how 4 month old baby can flirt?!? I have told her few times that he doesn't even know what flirting is and he is just playing and to stop calling him a flirt! Just do one

Point out to him that it's NOT flirting. Your baby is making connections with people. It's an inherent instinct for survival.
Also tell him it cannot be called the same as something that has sexual connotations.

PhilomenaButterfly you think babies are attracted to adults of the opposite sex? In what way? Why do you think this has to be heterosexual attraction? Why would you use the word ‘flirting’? Why wouldn’t you say ‘this baby is very friendly and likes people’ and ‘this baby is shy and scared of strangers’ like a normal person?

Rtft OP and it seems his past behaviour was ringing faint alarm bells with you. Do not let him have unsupervised time with your son or daughter. Sorry to say i agree with previous posters and would even not trust your mum to protect your children from him.

PhilomenaButterfly

Oops PhilomenaButterfly are you still going? Rtft

Give Granddad the benefit of the doubt. It could be an unfortunate use of terminology. If he mentions 'flirting' next time, say something like, 'She is smiling at you because you are her Granddad and she feels safe with you' or something else that would firmly frame her behaviour as the behaviour of an infant in the presence of a protective family member.

I've said it's not sexual, so it's not a heterosexual attraction. It's something I've observed in my own DC, and DS 28, if anything, is asexual. They're attracted, as in their attention is drawn to, the opposite sex, they try to get attention from them.

And FWIW, I'm bisexual, I don't see anything sexual in who babies are drawn to at all.

And I have RTFT. He's a weirdo, but what I said still stands.

Truly weird and not ok.

If he said a child was flirting generally that’s one thing, it can be used harmlessly. But the whole ‘shouldn’t flirt with me I’m your grandad’ massive red flags.

It's so hard when we process things from our childhood but what you need to think now is "would I ever expose my child to that" and I'm guessing your answer is no. It's hard to know as a kid what's ok but when we see it ourselves as parents it easier to see how wrong it was.

Honestly, I don't know if this is possible but I'd be making my mum explain why she allowed it to happen before she could have contact with my kid

I think a lot of people on this thread are mixing up attraction with interest.

Babies are not attracted to anyone, male or female, they are interested in them and make connections through smiling and showing interest. Some adults interpret this wrongly as flirting, god knows why!

OP, you are definitely right to be concerned about what was said.

I don't mean attraction in that way. Drawn to then.

Op, I didn't realise what my family did was abusive until DD was born. Get yourself some counselling, and some space to work through how you feel about all this x

how do u know what goes on in their house when your dc are there-he didnt have any problem walking around naked in front of u

You need to say something!

Just read your update. Do not let your daughter anywhere near them!!! Wtf!!

Having read your update, I wouldn’t leave the children alone with either your mother or step father.

Your childhood was tainted by their sexual behaviour and your mother put his needs over yours. They both seemed to have deliberately exposed you to their sexual activity. They are awful people. I am so sorry that happened to you.

I also should have said they have no respect for you and they have no boundaries. They should never be trusted with children.