DSF saying 4 month olds flirts

[LLOE7]

My DSF (step father) has said a few times to my 4 month old dd "look at you giving it the big eyes, you're flirting with me aren't you!" When she smiles at him. I've always ignored it as I know it's harmless but it's not sitting right with me. Today we went to the vets and my dd smiled at him to which he said to the receptionist "she's always flirting with me now" and then turned and said to dd "you shouldn't be flirting with ME- I'm your grandad!". This made me feel so uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed as the receptionist raised her eyebrow and gave an awkward smile. Is this just something that's said, or am I right in thinking it's a bit weird?
WIBU to tell him to stop?

Thank you for all the replies! I will definitely tell him to stop saying it. To be honest the replies have shocked me and now I'm really thinking about it there are quite a few things that he has said that are completely inappropriate and sexualising my 3 year old ds too, that I have always ignored as him just saying an odd thing trying to joke but actually have made me feel uncomfortable. I would never ever allow either of my dc to have a sleepover at my parents house because they were always too openly sexual when I was a child and I don't want my dc to witness that. My ds goes to their house for a few hours sometimes but I know he's never alone with dsf, my dm plays with him constantly and they usually go and play upstairs while dsf sits downstairs.

Gross. How long has he been your stepdad?

A lot of what you are writing op is sending me massive red flags.
I don't think you should leave your kids there alone to be honest. Sorry to write so brutally but I feel it's important.

Dodgy AF
Made me cringe

Before your last update I’d say it could be more a generational thing rather than sexual. I only say this Bcos I have DC and have noticed sometimes my older relatives who are 70+ using some words that make me wince a little bit! But I think it’s because over the years words have taken on different meanings and context. So I know it’s said out of pure innocence because ‘in thier day’ that word wouldn’t of had sexual associations. However from your last update I would be worried if he is saying things to your 3 year old as well.

i think im going to be sick

and to anothe rpp come to bed eyes? thats fuckin disgusting

Get a grip!

It just means smiling and friendly in his mind. He's showing off that she recognises him and loves him. It's not creepy.

Don't make it something it isn't. Words mean different things to different people.

I have heard people saying that to babies. So if you're going to speak to him & ask him to stop I would do it nicely. It's ok to ask him to stop though, these days stuff like that isn't thought of in the same way.

He obviously doesn't care about making you feel uncomfortable with the creepy comments, so don't ignore him just to be polite. Say something! 'Can you not say that please it's not appropriate/fucking weird/creepy/whatever

So he behaved in a way that made you feel uncomfortable as a child? I think this is a more serious problem than someone misusing words without realising their connotations.

Op in light of your latest post I don't think your children should be left at your mother's house at all.

Your justification that he is in another room and your mother is there at all times doesn't sound good enough.

I hope you can sort out other childcare arrangements.

You are right to nip this in the bud - it’s inappropriate and uncomfortable.

BUT

I think the people saying this means he is a paedophile are truly way off the mark. It is a pretty common thing to say (agree it shouldn’t be). I think letting this sour your relationship or prevent him seeing the baby is honestly batshit. This is not a Big Deal. (Unless he continues to do it after you tell him you have issues with it- in which case it could absolutely become one!).

Lindtnotlint what irresponsible advice given the op's latest post!

I hope she ignores you and trusts her instincts.

Op, I've worked in child protection and you absolutely cannnot leave your children alone and unsupervised at your mother's home.

Yes I’m from Suth Wales like Bibi and there it’s definitely a common way to refer to a baby who is smiling, maybe playing peepo or generally interacting with someone.

However this thread has made me think about what Blah said, about out of date racist language and the like, so I shall be dropping “flirting” from my vocabulary when referring to babies.

YANBU

it might be a generational thing, but it's still not OK. I have the same issue with my GM in her 90s.

When DD was tiny she said something about her 'flirting'. It made me uncomfortable, but I figured she didn't mean it in the modern sense, language evolves, she meant she was looking particularly cute, etc etc.

Recently she said of now 2yo DD 'oh she's flirting with her uncle 'X' (my DB). again I was uncomfortable and laughed awkwardly, thought oh no, not this again. And then she said really seriously 'they do, you know. Little girls. They start wanting to flirt with men when they are very little. They love men. Watch her, you'll see.'

I had this spurt of anger, then I realised that this is probably her mother talking. She was an evil bitch. She banned my GM from being alone with her lovely DF from the moment her periods started, screamed at her and beat her when she 'caught' her hugging her DF. Many many other instances of full on batshit that I won't go into.

So I didn't and won't say anything. Mostly because she's not capable of dealing with it. But in your situation I absolutely would say it's not the sort of thing he should be saying and please stop. I wouldn't however jump to there being a sinister motive.

I can fully believe people saying it innocently without really thinking about the meaning but there IS no non-creepy meaning when he adds on 'you shouldn't be doing that, in your grandad'.

The young girls flirting concept is an old one, I had to read a psychology book when I was a teenager, by Nancy Friday I think and it stated that all girls flirt and push boundaries with their fathers by the age of 4. I felt ill reading it tbh.

I'm*

I have three daughters and that would freak me out. I don't know what I'd do about it, it's so difficult with family. But my gut instinct is telling me that it's wrong and I can't really understand anyone who thinks its ok. I am over protective though I admit that but when I read your posts I went cold.

South Wales needs to read a dictionary.

Flirting
. behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions.

Just 🤮

Sorry OP, but based on what you've just said about your parents being too openly sexual when you were young, I really wonder whether there was some form of abusive behaviour going on. Allowing children to witness inappropriately sexual behaviour is itself a form of abuse; you should have been protected from that.

I'm really sorry that happened to you, it must have made you feel really uncomfortable. In tandem with this, that's a lot of red flags and I would be very careful. Do consider counselling or speaking to NAPAC about what happened to you as a child, it may help you process things.

It’s grim op,I wouldn’t like it either and would definitely call it out repeatedly until it stopped.

In defence of South Wales, not everyone uses sexual language when referring to children. My family certainly don’t and never have done in my living memory.

A few years ago it was rife on Facebook to see women referring to their son’s as “my sexy lil man”. I’m eternally grateful that died a death because it made me feel so incredibly uncomfortable! Words have meanings even if you’re too ignorant to bother learning them yourself.

Very creepy and inappropriate. What he is aging to her is very inappropriate, would he say that if the baby was a boy. Babies are not sexual object and I would be concerned about what is going on in his mind to come out with stuff like that!

I'm with @sagradafamiliar, I've described my baby boy as a Flirty Gertie when he does big smiles in response to others smiling at him, (including me and other family) but might stop now.
As part of a pattern that makes the OP uncomfortable YANBU to be aware of inappropriate comments.

@StepAwayFromGoogle
Babies don’t flirt

I would be weary around him, as your dd gets older, and the types of things that might go through his mind. Maybe he has sexual feelings for her, that he might be keeping underwraps. He hasen't said it once of twice, but he keeps on, and telling a little baby to "stop flirting with him, as it is not right, I am your grandad" would really set me on edge.