DSF saying 4 month olds flirts

[LLOE7]

My DSF (step father) has said a few times to my 4 month old dd "look at you giving it the big eyes, you're flirting with me aren't you!" When she smiles at him. I've always ignored it as I know it's harmless but it's not sitting right with me. Today we went to the vets and my dd smiled at him to which he said to the receptionist "she's always flirting with me now" and then turned and said to dd "you shouldn't be flirting with ME- I'm your grandad!". This made me feel so uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed as the receptionist raised her eyebrow and gave an awkward smile. Is this just something that's said, or am I right in thinking it's a bit weird?
WIBU to tell him to stop?

This post contains distressing content

For the pp asking, my dsf is 61 and has been my dsf since I was 8, I am now 23. What I mean by my dp being too sexual when I was a child was that my dsf would sit on the sofa with his hand down my dm T-shirt and into her bra, and refused to move when I wanted to cuddle with her to the point I was getting upset and angry as I felt uncomfortable feeling him squeezing my dm boob so I would physically try to pull his hand away and he would use his strength to not move. They would have loud intercourse when they knew I was awake and I would shout down to them to stop 'being noisy' but they would make no effort to be quiet. I would even beg my mum not to 'be noisy' (I couldn't say the words sex or intercourse to her) when I had friends staying, but they still wouldn't be quiet which resulted in me being bullied at school. The worst in my view is that when we went away on holiday or for an over night stay we would have a family room, and my dsf would refuse to sleep with pants on. I remember being as old as 14 and asking him to sleep with pants or boxers on in case he kicked the covers off in the night and was exposed, but he outright refused saying it was too hot and uncomfortable and wasn't healthy to sleep with underwear on, and I would have to close my eyes while he walked from the bed to the bathroom and back. They would have intercourse in the same room if they thought I was asleep too, but again making no effort to be quiet. I once heard my dsf trying to convince my mum I was asleep and wouldn't wake up so I pretended to fall out of bed so that he would stop. When I was 14 we went on holiday to Turkey and I ended up sleeping on the sofa on the balcony half the night as my dm shut the door while I was out there reading and then went and had intercourse in their bed (their bed couldn't be seen from the balcony), and then fell asleep without realising I couldn't open the door from the outside.
It's just stuff that has stayed with me into adult hood that I don't want my dc to be subjected too as it's inappropriate and I can clearly remember how uncomfortable and upset it all made me feel. I was never touched inappropriately or made to see anything that was sexual, but I feel I was exposed to it all too young of an age.
But going back to the OP, I will say something along the lines of "please stop making comments like that about my dc, it's inappropriate and makes both me and dh feel uncomfortable", I think he will say something like "no it isn't (inappropriate), but fair enough if you don't like it".

This post was edited by MNHQ

@Bobbycat121 totally agree. Only on here do people look that deep into nothing.

I think people and their dirty minds are the problem here.

Your update is quite disturbing. I can imagine that was really tough as a child. You need to stand up to him now and tell him to stop doing or saying things that you don't want your dc exposed to. It's your child so you get to decide now. Good luck telling him to stop saying the flirting thing.

Wow after your update, I would not be having your dd anywhere near him, she must always be supervised around him. What a creep.

Your update is really bad OP. It's considered abuse to subject children to sexual behaviour. Not only that but he didn't care about exposing himself...that's very bad and I'm astounded that your mother let this happen.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this as a child.

I would definitely not be letting your dsf anywhere near your baby after this update to be honest.

@Ghanagirl - bit late too the party. RTFT and my subsequent post.

I certainly would not be leaving your baby alone with them, your mum cannot be trusted to protect your baby.

Given your latest update op I think you've been very naive and irresponsible to leave your children unsupervised with your dm and dsf.

I'm sorry for what you've been through. I think your judgement is way off and they should never be left unsupervised with them ever again.

It's just weird.

This is a completely different thread now. I cannot believe your DSF did all this in ignorance, he must have wanted to shock, embarrass and upset you...the your DM did nothing to stop him. You really need to rethink the terms of your DD's contact with either of them.

op I wouldn't allow any contact with this man after reading your update.

i shold get a grip ariadne really

do u go round saying these things to babies aswell?

op your dsf is a perv whther in the tradtional sense or not and your mothers no better

God op I'm sorry op but that kind of exhibitionism is abuse.
I personally feel that I could not be around those people at all and Your children are not safe around them x

After reading your last update LLOE7 I'd say stop all and any contact with your stepfather, for your DD's sake as well as your own.

Op don't underestimate abusers.
My dd3 was abused with 4 adults in the house...

Weird, but you don't want to make a big deal of it.

Next time he says it just say "oh please stop saying that, it's gross, she's not flirting she is a baby"

If he questions you, then its time to be sterner and go in with the "Stop, it's inappropriate."

Hi OP, I have heard people refer to babies as flirting commonly in my line of work as a HV (living in Bristol so close to Wales, may be a regional thing?) However, being a HV I am very aware of child abuse and your last update is 100% child abuse. I would be very worried if one of my families mentioned something like this about one of their relatives - especially as the most likely person to sexually abuse a child is a non-related male partner of the DM.

Being aware of your parents sex lives is not at all appropriate, nor is it normal. I am in my mid 20s and have not heard my parents have sex or anything remotely sexual ever and my youngest sibling is 7 so they definitely have it! This vile behaviour conditioned you to think it’s normal which is why, although you feel weird about these flirting comments, you are massively under reacting.

If I was you, both your DM and DSF would not be unsupervised around your DC and I am saying that both personally, and from a professional POV.

WTF - your update. I don’t think your kids should be allowed alone time with your mum or SF. Your mum sounds as bad as him for not stopping all of that stuff from happening in front of you

You really need to address this with your DM and explain how damaging their behaviour was and for those reasons your DC wont be any more time with them

*wont be spending any more time with them without you

Omg. Poor you. . My dd is 10. I am shuddering for you. You were abused and conditioned by your mother and your stepfather. You are definitely under reacting. Please don’t ever let them have unsupervised access to your children again. Their behaviour was so inappropriate and I’m sure you wouldn’t want this to happen to your dd.

I have had a lot of therapy. My brother was sexually inappropriate with me. It was abuse even though he didn’t touch me either. Your situation, like mine was all about control and making you feel like a nothing. My mother also failed to protect me from her darling son.

Sadly some women defer to males and believe them to be superior. It is clear your mother wouldn’t protect your children. I imagine especially a girl.

dontforgetto excusey language but that’s fucking vile!

I read your comment and went “WHAAAAT?!” out loud. What a disgusting thing to say about a little baby. Men are sick cunts sometimes.

OP your update says it all. I think your DSF enjoys making you feel uncomfortable.

Oh OP I just read your update. That was abuse, your mother is just as complicit and no way on earth would I leave my children in their care. I know it must seem like an impossible thing to do but I would cut contact with these horrible people. I felt so angry for 8 year old you with the hand down the top comment your stepfather is disgusting to do that to you and your mum is worse for letting him when she should have been prioritizing her child.