DSF saying 4 month olds flirts

[LLOE7]

My DSF (step father) has said a few times to my 4 month old dd "look at you giving it the big eyes, you're flirting with me aren't you!" When she smiles at him. I've always ignored it as I know it's harmless but it's not sitting right with me. Today we went to the vets and my dd smiled at him to which he said to the receptionist "she's always flirting with me now" and then turned and said to dd "you shouldn't be flirting with ME- I'm your grandad!". This made me feel so uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed as the receptionist raised her eyebrow and gave an awkward smile. Is this just something that's said, or am I right in thinking it's a bit weird?
WIBU to tell him to stop?

It isn't actually flirting though, Tinkly. I mean, I know people often call it that, but it isn't. Like you say, it's just a natural enjoyment of attention/interaction.

Framing babies' behaviour in the language of flirtation and romance from day one isn't meaningless, even though so many people do it completely innocently and without really thinking. I'm not even saying I think it leads directly to abuse - it is just massively unhelpful to children in lots of ways.

Like when people refer to very young boy/girl friends as 'boyfriend and girlfriend' in an 'awww' sort of way, when really it is far, far healthier for their developing understanding of the world and their own self-understanding to avoid putting labels like that on their earliest friendships.

I think it’s not a good thing to say. However it was very commonplace thing to say amongst the gazillion babies in my family growing up. As far as I know there wasn’t any sexual abuse and nothing even remotely like that happened to me.

So I think it’s probably one of those things that at one time was normal and now really, really isn’t.

I would approach it in the same way as when older relatives use terminology they think is okay but makes them sound like a raving racist. I basically say that those words aren’t acceptable anymore (aside from if they every were okay, really) and that Id prefer if they stopped saying it as people might think x,y,z which I’m sure you wouldn’t want them to.

My godfather used to make similar comments. He went on to abuse me when I was 8. Everyone thought he was a lovely old boy but he wasn't, he was a disgusting perv. Trust your instincts OP.

"Don't say that, you sound like a paedophile" should do the trick.

Call him out on it. Every time.

I've heard it quite a bit, we are unable to sy these things now as society has moved on, but it's not new to me either.
I'd just tell him it's unacceptable.

That is so troubling. I hate to hear 'my sexy little man', 'my little ladies' man' ect but this is a step further because he knows full well his connotation isn't innocent or thoughtless due to the 'I'm your grandad' comment. He means what it sounds like he means. And it's disturbing.

Yes I have heard of this before, and it’s left me very uncomfortable.

It’s the way it makes the baby or child responsible and knowing for a very adult sexuality. I feel the same when people say that babies are manipulative in some way.

It embues them with adult motivations, adult behaviours and it’s a hairs breadth away from making that infant responsible for an adults behaviour towards them... which is revolting and utterly wrong.

This man may be saying it because he’s an idiot or because of a more sinister reason, but I’d firmly stop it saying;
“Please don’t sexualiseca tiny baby by using that language. People really don’t say that anymore.”

Hopefully he’ll get the message loud and clear!

It's not a generational thing. And I'm not saying that just in defence of older people.

DH and his brother are both in their 70s; they would never use the terms "flirt" or "bedroom eyes". It's just not, nor ever has been, in their vocabulary.

Anyone who does have those kinds of terms in their vocabulary, and actually say them, should by now know better. Whatever might have been an innocent use of "flirt" in the past, then unless they've been oblivious to what's been in the news for the last 40 or so years, they should know that they shouldn't be using those terms now. Really, there's no excuse.

Babies do flirt though. Obviously not in a sexual way, but in a coy, smiley, giggly way. And they do often do it with attractive members of the opposite sex.

I'd love to see the evidence for babies 'flirting' (puke) with attractive members of the opposite sex.

Eurgh...I actually pulled a face reading that. That is so incredibly innapropriate, surely he understands the connotations of the words he is using?

Yeah I would be freaked out by this also. Definitely not appropriate, I would have to say something because it would turn my stomach.

Sandunesandseashells and dontforgetto so wrong! I can't believe people think it's acceptable to say that kind of thing!

Creepy AF. Trust ya instinct, mine would be to never allow him to be alone with dd. And def call him out on it! Good luck.

Yep, that's weird. We do say that our 9 month old is flirting when she's all smiles and coy Eh?
How can a baby be 'all smiles and coy'? Flirting??

The receptionist in the Vets raised her eyebrows when he said it and obviously thought it was wierd, so its not just you thinking its unacceptable. YANBU

Babies do flirt though. Obviously not in a sexual way, but in a coy, smiley, giggly way. And they do often do it with attractive members of the opposite sex

Flirting is a sexual reference there is no non sexual meaning.

I am the older generation and i have heard the word growing up and it gave me the creeps then. It was a term a person who you should avoid used

I'd love to see the evidence for babies 'flirting' (puke) with attractive members of the opposite sex.

Actually I have noticed that they do.

There have been studies showing babies are most interested in conventionally attractive faces (of both sexes).

www.newscientist.com/article/dn6355-babies-prefer-to-gaze-upon-beautiful-faces/

Which is really interesting and goes against the idea that we don't have any ideas of what is attractive until we are brainwashed by the media. This suggests that it is innate to a large degree.

Although OP your SF is being VVVUR and creepy as hell.

Toomanyofthemnow hit the nail on the head with her. 'Don't say that, it makes you sound like a pedophile' comment. I agree, it should stop it.

Urgh and double urghhh. Posted this before but an old friend would always refer to her son as 'her little Orgasm'. Apart from face I never said anything because it was a very long time ago (and I was a wuss), had no kids of my own so felt couldn't pass judgement.

@MrsCatE That is thoroughly disgusting!

What does your mum think? Could she have a word?

Your DSD means no harm at all but he should not keep on saying it. Little babies don't 'flirt'.

Someone needs to point out to granddad that talking about baby girls flirting is inappropriate. Is there a friend or relative who could do this? Invite them round and bring the conversation around to your baby's 'flirting' (which it isn't). Sometimes it takes another person or, better still, two other people to ram it home.

However I'm sure he means no harm, it's just a bit embarrassing; I wouldn't have liked it and would have stopped him straight away. "Sorry dad, definitely not the right thing to say".

You'll get there. What does your husband say?

People say my DS is flirting when he smiles at everyone (which he does, a lot) but they say that whether he is smiling and men or women. I always took it to be a bit of a local colloloquism meaning friendly and smiley. Doesn't appear to be generational either, virtually everyone says it. I'm in south Wales.

I bet he didn't 'turned'.