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Original poster

DSF saying 4 month olds flirts

206 replies

LLOE7 · 13/02/2019 21:32

My DSF (step father) has said a few times to my 4 month old dd "look at you giving it the big eyes, you're flirting with me aren't you!" When she smiles at him. I've always ignored it as I know it's harmless but it's not sitting right with me. Today we went to the vets and my dd smiled at him to which he said to the receptionist "she's always flirting with me now" and then turned and said to dd "you shouldn't be flirting with ME- I'm your grandad!". This made me feel so uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed as the receptionist raised her eyebrow and gave an awkward smile. Is this just something that's said, or am I right in thinking it's a bit weird?
WIBU to tell him to stop?

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/02/2019 22:13

It’s something people said years ago. Has different connotations nowadays. Bit like grooming. People tend to use grooming in a sexual context nowadays.

500internalerror · 13/02/2019 22:17

I heard someone say that to their dog last week. How on earth can a dog flirt with you? It’s not literal, it’s jyst a thing the older generations say/said ime.

whatsnewchoochoo · 13/02/2019 22:22

@64sNewName - I know it's weird (well I do NOW, seemed really normal growing up) but it just means cute or looking smart I.e "look at him, sexy little man in his new jeans" ... I know, I know. But people use language incorrectly sometimes and that's all this is (in my case)

Singlenotsingle · 13/02/2019 22:22

That's quite freaky and scary. Don't leave that baby alone with that perv ffs!

BlimeyCalmDown · 13/02/2019 22:24

My daughter's step grandfather kept saying 'sexy' in a jokey voice and everyone would laugh apart from me, in the end I had to say to her dad to ask him to stop it as I know he didn't mean anything by it but I found it creepy, never happened again.

eaudynamisantee · 13/02/2019 22:24

Putrid. I don't know how you managed to hide your disgust.

PussGirl · 13/02/2019 22:29

When DS was about 10 months old we were in a restaurant as part of a big group. He was in a high chair at the table.

We had two waitresses serving: one was dark-haired, with glasses & a pleasant but not pretty face, the other was tall & pretty & had long blonde hair.

DS deliberately dropped something on the floor whenever the blonde waitress was anywhere near him & was all smiles & big eyes & giggles when she gave it back to him.

He didn't do that with the other girl. For context I have (had - it's grey now) dark hair & sometimes wear glasses & we have no-one in the family with long, blonde hair that could have resembled this waitress.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 13/02/2019 22:33

Well yeah he must have fancied her there Puss...wtf is wrong with people?

Aquilla · 13/02/2019 22:34

Fuck me, this is such a typical Mumsnet thread. Calm the fuck down people.

Zog14 · 13/02/2019 22:35

The only time I have heard this was when I was working with a prisoner who was a pedophile, he used it to justify molesting a 4 year old (his granddaughter) who in his view, sat on his knee and “flirted” with him.

It is to this day one of the worst things I have ever heard, because he really believed it. He was a man who would never be safe around children.

For this reason, I would stop this immediately. And I am sorry to say it would make me wary of the person saying it.

PussGirl · 13/02/2019 22:37

WithAll of course he wasn't flirting - he just preferred the look of her.

How can a 10/12 baby flirt?

dontforgetto · 13/02/2019 22:38

Ugh... a family friend once commented about my one year old daughter that "with a mouth like that, she'll make a man very happy one day". I was utterly shocked and repulsed. I didn't say anything (I wish I had).
This guy has a young family himself and plays the clown a lot, which can be irritating in its own right, but I've told DH that I am really not a fan. I'm sure he thought it was just a poor taste joke in the style of Cards Against Humanity, etc. but no, I am not happy for anyone to sexualise my daughter that way.

Petalflowers · 13/02/2019 22:38

Initially I thought it was just a comment being made about a cute baby smiling. However, the continue use of the word ‘flirt’, and the comment in the vets is weird.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/02/2019 22:43

Babies do flirt though. Obviously not in a sexual way, but in a coy, smiley, giggly way. And they do often do it with attractive members of the opposite sex.

None of mine have actually, but my baby niece definitely used to with young men: she absolutely adored DH.

Obviously they aren’t looking for sexual attention, but they are looking for attention and interaction.

QuintadiMalago · 13/02/2019 22:45

Had to be the dementia comment

64sNewName · 13/02/2019 22:48

For those saying calm down, you're lucky that he dotes on her, etc. - er no, sorry. Nobody should have to defend being uncomfortable with this. Being uncomfortable and wanting it to stop is fine.

Antonin · 13/02/2019 22:48

I’ve worked in Child Protection and this would ring alarm bells.
Even the most trusted and loved family members and friends can devastatingly turn out to be paedaphiles. They often dote on the children they abuse being in total denial that they are causing harm.
OP by your DSF , by his very words has indicated that he associates “flirt” with sexiness and you need to keep an eye on his future relationship with your baby DD.

MumUnderTheMoon · 13/02/2019 22:52

That is really not ok. Flirting is a sexual thing she is 4 months old she isn't flirting tell him to stop saying it and that it isn't appropriate. If you have to, tell him that's how it sounds and that people will make assumptions about him. Sexualising children in anyway isn't harmless.

BeachtheButler · 13/02/2019 22:54

"Maybe it's a generational thing, but u think in that context I'd totally read flirting as being cute and wide eyed and wrapping me around their finger. Not sexual."

If your DSF is 60+ (or maybe just pushing 60), I'd say this is the answer. I can recall this sort of thing being said frequently about babies back in the late 60 and the 70s. "Flirt" in this context meant "cute".

Of course if you're uncomfortable with it he must stop doing it. But how is he supposed to know if you don't tell him?

restingbf · 13/02/2019 22:55

That's grim 🤢 babies/children don't flirt and him saying that is a massive red flag! Please keep an eye on your child around this man

runoutofnamechanges · 13/02/2019 22:55

While I agree it's not appropriate nowadays, like a couple of PPs have said, for my parents' generation (late seventies/eighties now) in this neck of the woods it would have been just been meaningless baby talk along the lines of "you're gorgeous, you've got everyone wrapped around your little finger'' and the kind of thing that both men and women would say to babies of both sexes Hmm Hopefully that's all it is. Tell him to stop and see what his reaction is.

MissLadyM · 13/02/2019 22:56

Grotesque and deeply inappropriate. I wouldn't leave her alone with him tbh. I feel grossed out

GabsAlot · 13/02/2019 23:01

i think im going to be sick

and to anothe rpp come to bed eyes? thats fuckin digsusting

Mmmhmmm · 13/02/2019 23:05

Some people in the US say this too, it's always creeped me out.

oneyearnobeer · 13/02/2019 23:05

My friend says this about her 5 year old (about the 5 year old flirting with teachers/ other adults etc). I find it deeply uncomfortable.

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